So I havent blogged in a long time and there are many reasons why; one being that I don't have much to blog about, another being that blogging is very tedious. Thirdly no one cares, litrally I get less and less reads for every blog I do.
And so I am going to stop blogging although I will leave the blog up incase people want to read old blogs and pretend that I am blogging still.
There might be other blogs coming up but only if someone twists my arm to write more superdorkism, but I highly doubt I will.
So I retire because bloggin' isnt and never has been my thing.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
Sunday 23 June 2013
Monday 3 June 2013
See no evil, hear no evil, blog no evil.
So I havent blogged in a while since I blogged because I've been revising but after reading Ulysses' blog I felt like having a good old rant. So I present to you the list of things that I hate (THIS IS NOT THE COMPLETE LIST)
1) Fat people in skinny peoples clothes.
You look like an accident waiting to happen, stop it.
2) People who get offended by things people say.
The world's a tough place, get your balls out of your mothers purse.
3) Top Gear
It's a show full of cunts and if you like it you're a cunt. No acceptions.
4) The enviroment.
I only drink bottled water.
5) Labour supporters.
"Ooh be nice to us, we're poor."
6) Tory supporters.
The offcial twat party.
7) Lib-Dems.
Just give up.
8) Plaid Cymru.
Hahahahaha oh stop seriously hahahahaha oh my ribs.
9) Fucking commas!
My relationship with commas has been a rocky one I dont really want to go into that.
10) People who say "I dont really want to go into that"
Arseholes.
11) The word "Magical"
Grow the fuck up.
12) woman who dont wear bras
isnt that uncomfertable?
13) Insects.
Just fucking die.
14) Chris Evans
I cant put into words how much this rabbit looking mother fucker grinds my gears.
15) Ian Hislop
drop off the earth please.
14) Fire.
It hurts when I touch it!
16) People who's names are a combination of two names.
Not like "Tomos Sion" but if his name was "Tomosionos"
17) Lists.
18) Irony.
19) Murder.
there's just no need.
20) endings without a sighn off.
1) Fat people in skinny peoples clothes.
You look like an accident waiting to happen, stop it.
2) People who get offended by things people say.
The world's a tough place, get your balls out of your mothers purse.
3) Top Gear
It's a show full of cunts and if you like it you're a cunt. No acceptions.
4) The enviroment.
I only drink bottled water.
5) Labour supporters.
"Ooh be nice to us, we're poor."
6) Tory supporters.
The offcial twat party.
7) Lib-Dems.
Just give up.
8) Plaid Cymru.
Hahahahaha oh stop seriously hahahahaha oh my ribs.
9) Fucking commas!
My relationship with commas has been a rocky one I dont really want to go into that.
10) People who say "I dont really want to go into that"
Arseholes.
11) The word "Magical"
Grow the fuck up.
12) woman who dont wear bras
isnt that uncomfertable?
13) Insects.
Just fucking die.
14) Chris Evans
I cant put into words how much this rabbit looking mother fucker grinds my gears.
15) Ian Hislop
drop off the earth please.
14) Fire.
It hurts when I touch it!
16) People who's names are a combination of two names.
Not like "Tomos Sion" but if his name was "Tomosionos"
17) Lists.
18) Irony.
19) Murder.
there's just no need.
20) endings without a sighn off.
Sunday 26 May 2013
All in Bad Taste. Part 1
Not alot of people know that as a young lad I had terrorfying nightmares that when repeated to my sister a few months ago kept her awake that night. They were a series of dreams that took place over a week and at the end of the week they miraculously stopped. Lucky me, yet these dreams still haunt me heavily to this day because they werent explained. I have no idea what they were and what stopped them. Now I'm no believer in ghosts or past lives so I seriously dont believe there is a deeper spiritual reason behind this. Well I know because I'm not three years old.
The first dream occured a few weeks after I stopped being an insomniac, and as a child I was scared of my own shadow so obviously a dream of this sinisterness and horror. Can I also just make a point that I was either six or seven. The dream begins in a victorian field with a road down the middle, a castle is seen in the distance, mind you this isnt a creepy field. Just a country field. Rushing down this field is a victorian wealthy girl on a bike having the time of her life being chased by a little dog, not a scary dog. It is genuinly a nice scene. So this goes on for a while until the girl gets bored and turns down into a victorian village, she wanders around for a while until a family confront her and she explains that shes lost, they then agree to take her in until the constable returns from a holiday or something. The girl is having lunch and gets annoyed and snobby (shes a spoilt, wealthy girl) she throws her plate and refuses to sleep upstairs and then the dad uses scare tatics to make her go to bed. He tells her that there is a ghost under the stairs that eats anyone who is downstairs passed midnight, she doesnt believe him and strops on the sofa.
The point of view changes and time has passed. I am the P.O.V. of a man with black leather gloves, I move slowly and in a horrifically sinster. I make no noises over than breathing heavily and slowly. It is nightime and the girl is watching a fire in her nighty, I slip from behind the stairs and grab a walking stick and creep behind her, I grab a fire poker. I grab her from around the neck with the walking stick and I am no longer stealthy I am violent and sharp and I am breathing heavily and vigourously almost as if I am aroused. I beat her violently on the top of the head with the fire poker and all I remember was the sound of garggling blood and pieces of skull splattering everywhere and her sort of screaming for her mother. I also remember during this bit thinking "Stop, stop, I dont want to do this, this is wrong. Stop please" Like someone was using my body.
I woke up and I was so afraid to even get out of bed, although I was also scared of this mystery murderer I was lso scared of myself because apparently it was me. In the corner of my eyes all I saw was this girl with the walking stick around her neck and the echoing noise of a metal poker banging into a skull. My day was ruined, full of fear. I couldent sleep the next night I was so scared.
It gets worst.
In case this scared you, listen to this before going to bed http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLdFhs1n-WU
The first dream occured a few weeks after I stopped being an insomniac, and as a child I was scared of my own shadow so obviously a dream of this sinisterness and horror. Can I also just make a point that I was either six or seven. The dream begins in a victorian field with a road down the middle, a castle is seen in the distance, mind you this isnt a creepy field. Just a country field. Rushing down this field is a victorian wealthy girl on a bike having the time of her life being chased by a little dog, not a scary dog. It is genuinly a nice scene. So this goes on for a while until the girl gets bored and turns down into a victorian village, she wanders around for a while until a family confront her and she explains that shes lost, they then agree to take her in until the constable returns from a holiday or something. The girl is having lunch and gets annoyed and snobby (shes a spoilt, wealthy girl) she throws her plate and refuses to sleep upstairs and then the dad uses scare tatics to make her go to bed. He tells her that there is a ghost under the stairs that eats anyone who is downstairs passed midnight, she doesnt believe him and strops on the sofa.
The point of view changes and time has passed. I am the P.O.V. of a man with black leather gloves, I move slowly and in a horrifically sinster. I make no noises over than breathing heavily and slowly. It is nightime and the girl is watching a fire in her nighty, I slip from behind the stairs and grab a walking stick and creep behind her, I grab a fire poker. I grab her from around the neck with the walking stick and I am no longer stealthy I am violent and sharp and I am breathing heavily and vigourously almost as if I am aroused. I beat her violently on the top of the head with the fire poker and all I remember was the sound of garggling blood and pieces of skull splattering everywhere and her sort of screaming for her mother. I also remember during this bit thinking "Stop, stop, I dont want to do this, this is wrong. Stop please" Like someone was using my body.
I woke up and I was so afraid to even get out of bed, although I was also scared of this mystery murderer I was lso scared of myself because apparently it was me. In the corner of my eyes all I saw was this girl with the walking stick around her neck and the echoing noise of a metal poker banging into a skull. My day was ruined, full of fear. I couldent sleep the next night I was so scared.
It gets worst.
In case this scared you, listen to this before going to bed http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLdFhs1n-WU
Saturday 25 May 2013
Arguements where opinions can be wrong.
A lot of people like to say in an argument "Well, I'm entitled to my own opinion" and 9 times out of 10 this is true, however there are some situations where your opinion is just wrong.
1) Saying Star Wars is bad.
Yeah its okay to say there were flaws with the film, but heres the thing; judging by the time it was released it was not only ahead of its time in SFX but in every sense of the word. 'Twas a huge mile-stone in the progression of cinema and had a bigger twist than Sixth Sense (people disagree seeing that watching the prequals totally gives it away but if you watch New Hope, Empire and Jedi then you'll realise how huge it was.) The twist in Empire not only trigger huge media attention with the words "Luke, I am your father!" printed on every bag, T-shirt and shoe all over the globe but inspired so many other twists, all you need to do to figure out the twists in such classics as Fight Club and Sixth Sense is to follow what I call Vader-Logic. If it isnt obvious but hinted at, thats probably it.
To end this, these films had everthing a film needs and if you dont like than you are automatically and idiot and idiots arnt that fun to argue with. You are wrong.
2) Racist arguments.
We all know racists are stupid. Thats just a given, however there is one old-fashioned arguement that just makes peoples skin crawl. This whole "black/asians/mexicans/arabs/jews are almost a different speices to us whites". Which (I admitt) isnt such a thing in Britain, although in the States and other places it is still considered a liable argument and still gets defended with "Well in my opinion they're like a different spieces." Well no, SCIENCE and COMMON SENSE will tell you there is one chromosome diffrance in races. "Bu-" , no no. You are dumb.
3) Pizza sucks.
Do I even have to comment on this one?
4) Queen are shit.
What's shit about them? There singer who has one of the widest ranges in history? The guiatrist who is one of the greatest guitarists of all time? The originality? The fact that they did so much for charity? Oh its because they're old? You are dumb and wrong.
5) Any conservative of republican argument.
there really isnt a limit to human stupidity is there?
Monday 20 May 2013
The shows and characters that shaped me and how they shaped me.
So earlier today I was thinking what made me...Well, me? And later in the day I was watching some clips from cartoons I watched as a wee-lad and I came to this stunning realisation. These shaped me, they moulded me in loads of diffrent ways.
Through my brother shows like this came into my life which shows why I've always had a love for things that were far too mature for me and my fellow classmates (Ulysses will remember my fasination of The Shining when we were in year 3).
The shows and characters are as followed.
Let's begin with the show Ren and Stimpy:
The Ren & Stimpy Show was an American cartoon which aired from August 11th 1991 to November 14th 1996. The series focuses on the titular characters: Ren Hoek, an emotionally unstable chihuahua, and Stimpson J. Cat, a good-natured, dimwitted cat. The show ran for five seasons on the network. The show has received critical acclaim and developed a cult following during and after its run, while some critics credit it for leading the way for satirical animated shows like Beavis and Butthead and South Park, and playing a significant role in television animation. Throughout its run, The Ren & Stimpy Show was controversia for its off-colour humour , sexua linnuendo , and violence, each of which contributed to the production staff's altercations with Nickelodeon's Standerds and practice department.
Just by knowing me and by reading the reasons why it was controversial you will know there is an immediate connection between me and the show. Let's look at the characters and see how they influanced me.
Ren
Ren is a violent, aggresive, selfish, cowardly, weak willed, unpleasent, obnoxious and very psychotic. He has a raspy, insane version of Peter Lorre's voice and will always go off and do something worryingly sociopathic and will make the audiance (purpously) uncomfertable. He gained wide public attention due to the fact that he was one of the first protagonists on a childs show to be boderline insane and very cruel.
Although I wouldent really say I am a bad person many traits of Ren's I have picked-up (and did so knowingly) the fact that I will crush my friends hopes and dreams and insult them at any chance I get is inherited from the character of Ren. Infact I would say that my relationship with my friend Tomos is almost exactly like the relationship between Ren and Stimpy; Ren will always but Stimpy down and try and trick him into doing things for Rens amuesment but all in all Ren truely cares for Stimpy and Stimpy (although dim-witted) is one of the very few people who understand Ren.
Stimpy
Stimpy is a good natured, stupid, kind and fair cat. Although many of you are saying "what in gods good graces could Jacob possibly have gotten from this character!?" Well I shake my fist at you in rage for there are many things I have learnt from Stimpy. Although I would say that the Ren nuggets have fallen more into my personality than the Stimpy ones, there are a few factors that stand-out. The fact that no matter what is bothering them I will always do my best to help out a friend is the help is needed. I also learnt that people come in all diffrent shapes and sizes from Stimpy; he will frequently wear skirts and dresses (which is something that is frownd upon in my household...Well, frownd-upon is an understatement). He also gets pelted with insults constantly and shrugs them off, much like I do and most importantly, Stimpy taught me that all we can truely do in life is to enjoy ourselves and that it's okay to be stupid sometimes.
Moving Swiftly along to The Angry Beavers:
The series revolves around Daggett and Norbert Beaver, two young beaver brothers who have left their home to become bachelors in the forest near the fictional Wayouttatown, Oregon. The show premiered in the States on April 19, 1997. The first indicator to their insperation is the fact that the show is about two beavers living my dream, but more about the characters.
Daggett Doofues Beaver:
The youngest of the Beaver Brothers is Daggett, he is hyper-active and immature and has a habit of over-emphasized motions in a manic way and is a fan of name calling. He shares a typical love-hate relationship with his brother as most siblings do. Having said this he is a very hard worker and is quite skilled at construction. Now, this shows a diffrent side to me from Ren and Stimpy. Rather than "Good-Bad" this is "Hyper-Laid back". As many people have noticed I am a huge fan of things that are immature and just plain silly that causes people to roll their eyes, also if I have enough energy I will be increadably hyper-active either by dancing like a loonatic or jumping on my friends to annoy them. And although many people will disagree I am also a hard worker, but only on things I care about, much like Daggett who only works hard in construction.
Norbert Foster Beaver:
Norbert is Daggertt's laid back older brother. He is well-spoken and intelligent with a highly sarcastic tone in his voice and speech patterns. He will frequently maniplulate his brother but also shows great concern and love for him.
Now, some of you have already noticed the obvious things, I am rather laid-back with things that most people panic about (I like to think of myself as the voice of reason in high tention situations) and I dont mean to toot my own horn but I also consider myself rather intelligent and some of you learnt the hard way that I am also sarcastic. I also enjoy teaching my younger four to six year old sisters things they dont understand for my own amuesment but I do show deep concern and love for them.
Next; Rocko's Modern Life:
The show aired for four seasons between 1993 and 1996 on Nickelodeon. Rocko's Modern Life is based around the sureal, parodic adventures of an anthropormorphic, Australian-immigrant wallaby named Rocko, and his new life in the city of O-Town. The show explores his American life as well as the lives of his friends: the gluttonous steer Heffer, the neurotic turtle Fillburt, and Rocko's faithful dog, Spunky. The show is laden with adult humor, including double entrendres, innuendo, and starical social commentary.
Rocko:
Rocko is a wallaby who emigrated from Australia to the United States, he is the main character and the protagonist of the show. He is 18 years old. He is a sensible, moral, and somewhat timid character who enjoys the simple pleasures in life, such as doing his laundry or feeding his dog, Spunky. He is neat, compassionate, and self-conscious. He wears a blue shirt with purple triangles on it that he has become quite attached to. He doesn't wear any pants. Rocko usually works at "Kind of a Lot o' Comics". His hobbies include recreational jackhammering and pining for the love of his life, Melba Toast. Due to Rocko's benevolence and non-confrontational personality, his kindness is often taken for weakness. He is often taken advantage of by the other characters. Rocko would prefer to live a quiet life, but his reckless friends often throw him into turbulent situations. His most common catchphrase is "______-Day is a very dangerous day", even once saying "Open mic night is a very dangerous night." He is often mistaken for a kangaroo, a platypus, and occasionally a beaver, weasel or even a dog. Rocko has no family name because the writers could not think of a family name that they liked. Although many of you may think Rocko didnt take such a major part of my personality that just shows how well you know me, my closest friends have seen the Rocko inside me (mainly Ulysses who takes the piss out of the Rocko inside me). WARNING JACOB IS ABOUT TO GET DEEP: Although I am not infact an immagrant I do feel a lot of what Rocko feels when he comes to America, an isolation from others and a need to fit in. Although I am not timid on the surface, in new social groups I am increadably quiet and it does take a while to get me to come out of my shell. I would consider myself a rather sensible and actually (although I do enjoy the odd controversial joke) moral being. I also make a point in my life that I enjoy the little things and have been noted to take much happiness in trivial things like finding my batman pyjamas. Also (although again it is under the shell of my hard being) I am a huge non-confritational, although I'm not bothered if I get in an arguement I do make it a thing to avoid it in the first place. On top of that the reason I have adapted a hard outer shell is because I did suffer from the kindness-weakness thing in my earlier years and was walked over by others. And much like Rocko my older friends would put me in situations in which I did not wish to be involved in, for example; throwing slates or pouring urine on others. I would of much perfered a quiter life much like I have now.
Aaahh!!! Real Monsters:
Aaahh!!! Real Monsters was a very underground show about adolescent monsters in training, developed for Nickelodeon The show ran for four seasons on Nickelodeon's main United States cable channel and was rerun on Nicktoons until 2006. The series is currently being released on DVD.
The show focuses on three young monsters — Ickis, Oblina and Krumm — who attend an institute for monsters under a city dump and learn to frighten humans. Many of the episodes revolve around them making it to the surface in order to perform "scares" as class assignments.
The reason the show wasnt well known is probably because of the fact that A) It was on at like 8 so I usually had to go to bed straight afterward while other children were already asleep and B) Most parents probably didnt want their children to watch a show about a little fat man who holds his own eyes, a purple goblin and a long scary umbrella bitch.
Ickis:
Ickis is the main protagonist of the series. His method of scaring humans is the ability to grow bigger. However, due to Ickis' large ears, he is often confused with a bunny rabbit. Ickis also tends to be on the nervous side and often has a lack of self-confidence, partly from trying to live up to the legacy of his father who was the academy's like honour student.
The worst thing about being a monster that might be considered "cute" by humans is that it comes as a disadvantage when you're trying to scare people! Ickis knows this all too well, but he's been working on perfecting his scare strategies even before he began attending the Gromble's school. Ickis has big shoes to fill, as his dad Slickis is a legendary monster who is famous for his scares. This definitely puts the pressure on Ickis, but his best friends Krumm and Oblina always help him out of the many jams he gets himself into.
The reason I chose these cartoons in this order is because it starts with things that everyone can see (Ren and Stimpy and The Angry Beavers) but later goes into the more personal things like this and Rocko's modern life.
Much like Ickis I find it hard to be taken seriously as a comedian or a film-maker due to the fact that I am young (much like Ickis finding it hard to get into the scaring buisness because people find him cute.) Also Ickis must live up to his fathers reputation in the academy, I also constantly get reminded about how much stage work my brother did in school and how I need to live up to him and how well my sister did academically. So I also have pretty big shoes to fill, this causes both me and Ickis to have a major infuriority complex.
Many of you will notices the flaw that "Oh these show makers chose those characteristic because everyones like that." And you're probaly right....Still it's healthy to think.
And so I leave you with this; Think about what shaped you into the person you are and I suggest you blog it. Peace out.
Through my brother shows like this came into my life which shows why I've always had a love for things that were far too mature for me and my fellow classmates (Ulysses will remember my fasination of The Shining when we were in year 3).
The shows and characters are as followed.
Let's begin with the show Ren and Stimpy:
Just by knowing me and by reading the reasons why it was controversial you will know there is an immediate connection between me and the show. Let's look at the characters and see how they influanced me.
Ren
Ren is a violent, aggresive, selfish, cowardly, weak willed, unpleasent, obnoxious and very psychotic. He has a raspy, insane version of Peter Lorre's voice and will always go off and do something worryingly sociopathic and will make the audiance (purpously) uncomfertable. He gained wide public attention due to the fact that he was one of the first protagonists on a childs show to be boderline insane and very cruel.
Although I wouldent really say I am a bad person many traits of Ren's I have picked-up (and did so knowingly) the fact that I will crush my friends hopes and dreams and insult them at any chance I get is inherited from the character of Ren. Infact I would say that my relationship with my friend Tomos is almost exactly like the relationship between Ren and Stimpy; Ren will always but Stimpy down and try and trick him into doing things for Rens amuesment but all in all Ren truely cares for Stimpy and Stimpy (although dim-witted) is one of the very few people who understand Ren.
Stimpy
Stimpy is a good natured, stupid, kind and fair cat. Although many of you are saying "what in gods good graces could Jacob possibly have gotten from this character!?" Well I shake my fist at you in rage for there are many things I have learnt from Stimpy. Although I would say that the Ren nuggets have fallen more into my personality than the Stimpy ones, there are a few factors that stand-out. The fact that no matter what is bothering them I will always do my best to help out a friend is the help is needed. I also learnt that people come in all diffrent shapes and sizes from Stimpy; he will frequently wear skirts and dresses (which is something that is frownd upon in my household...Well, frownd-upon is an understatement). He also gets pelted with insults constantly and shrugs them off, much like I do and most importantly, Stimpy taught me that all we can truely do in life is to enjoy ourselves and that it's okay to be stupid sometimes.
Moving Swiftly along to The Angry Beavers:
Daggett Doofues Beaver:
The youngest of the Beaver Brothers is Daggett, he is hyper-active and immature and has a habit of over-emphasized motions in a manic way and is a fan of name calling. He shares a typical love-hate relationship with his brother as most siblings do. Having said this he is a very hard worker and is quite skilled at construction. Now, this shows a diffrent side to me from Ren and Stimpy. Rather than "Good-Bad" this is "Hyper-Laid back". As many people have noticed I am a huge fan of things that are immature and just plain silly that causes people to roll their eyes, also if I have enough energy I will be increadably hyper-active either by dancing like a loonatic or jumping on my friends to annoy them. And although many people will disagree I am also a hard worker, but only on things I care about, much like Daggett who only works hard in construction.
Norbert Foster Beaver:
Now, some of you have already noticed the obvious things, I am rather laid-back with things that most people panic about (I like to think of myself as the voice of reason in high tention situations) and I dont mean to toot my own horn but I also consider myself rather intelligent and some of you learnt the hard way that I am also sarcastic. I also enjoy teaching my younger four to six year old sisters things they dont understand for my own amuesment but I do show deep concern and love for them.
Next; Rocko's Modern Life:
The show aired for four seasons between 1993 and 1996 on Nickelodeon. Rocko's Modern Life is based around the sureal, parodic adventures of an anthropormorphic, Australian-immigrant wallaby named Rocko, and his new life in the city of O-Town. The show explores his American life as well as the lives of his friends: the gluttonous steer Heffer, the neurotic turtle Fillburt, and Rocko's faithful dog, Spunky. The show is laden with adult humor, including double entrendres, innuendo, and starical social commentary.
Rocko:
Rocko is a wallaby who emigrated from Australia to the United States, he is the main character and the protagonist of the show. He is 18 years old. He is a sensible, moral, and somewhat timid character who enjoys the simple pleasures in life, such as doing his laundry or feeding his dog, Spunky. He is neat, compassionate, and self-conscious. He wears a blue shirt with purple triangles on it that he has become quite attached to. He doesn't wear any pants. Rocko usually works at "Kind of a Lot o' Comics". His hobbies include recreational jackhammering and pining for the love of his life, Melba Toast. Due to Rocko's benevolence and non-confrontational personality, his kindness is often taken for weakness. He is often taken advantage of by the other characters. Rocko would prefer to live a quiet life, but his reckless friends often throw him into turbulent situations. His most common catchphrase is "______-Day is a very dangerous day", even once saying "Open mic night is a very dangerous night." He is often mistaken for a kangaroo, a platypus, and occasionally a beaver, weasel or even a dog. Rocko has no family name because the writers could not think of a family name that they liked. Although many of you may think Rocko didnt take such a major part of my personality that just shows how well you know me, my closest friends have seen the Rocko inside me (mainly Ulysses who takes the piss out of the Rocko inside me). WARNING JACOB IS ABOUT TO GET DEEP: Although I am not infact an immagrant I do feel a lot of what Rocko feels when he comes to America, an isolation from others and a need to fit in. Although I am not timid on the surface, in new social groups I am increadably quiet and it does take a while to get me to come out of my shell. I would consider myself a rather sensible and actually (although I do enjoy the odd controversial joke) moral being. I also make a point in my life that I enjoy the little things and have been noted to take much happiness in trivial things like finding my batman pyjamas. Also (although again it is under the shell of my hard being) I am a huge non-confritational, although I'm not bothered if I get in an arguement I do make it a thing to avoid it in the first place. On top of that the reason I have adapted a hard outer shell is because I did suffer from the kindness-weakness thing in my earlier years and was walked over by others. And much like Rocko my older friends would put me in situations in which I did not wish to be involved in, for example; throwing slates or pouring urine on others. I would of much perfered a quiter life much like I have now.
Aaahh!!! Real Monsters:
Aaahh!!! Real Monsters was a very underground show about adolescent monsters in training, developed for Nickelodeon The show ran for four seasons on Nickelodeon's main United States cable channel and was rerun on Nicktoons until 2006. The series is currently being released on DVD.
The show focuses on three young monsters — Ickis, Oblina and Krumm — who attend an institute for monsters under a city dump and learn to frighten humans. Many of the episodes revolve around them making it to the surface in order to perform "scares" as class assignments.
The reason the show wasnt well known is probably because of the fact that A) It was on at like 8 so I usually had to go to bed straight afterward while other children were already asleep and B) Most parents probably didnt want their children to watch a show about a little fat man who holds his own eyes, a purple goblin and a long scary umbrella bitch.
Ickis:
Ickis is the main protagonist of the series. His method of scaring humans is the ability to grow bigger. However, due to Ickis' large ears, he is often confused with a bunny rabbit. Ickis also tends to be on the nervous side and often has a lack of self-confidence, partly from trying to live up to the legacy of his father who was the academy's like honour student.
The worst thing about being a monster that might be considered "cute" by humans is that it comes as a disadvantage when you're trying to scare people! Ickis knows this all too well, but he's been working on perfecting his scare strategies even before he began attending the Gromble's school. Ickis has big shoes to fill, as his dad Slickis is a legendary monster who is famous for his scares. This definitely puts the pressure on Ickis, but his best friends Krumm and Oblina always help him out of the many jams he gets himself into.
The reason I chose these cartoons in this order is because it starts with things that everyone can see (Ren and Stimpy and The Angry Beavers) but later goes into the more personal things like this and Rocko's modern life.
Much like Ickis I find it hard to be taken seriously as a comedian or a film-maker due to the fact that I am young (much like Ickis finding it hard to get into the scaring buisness because people find him cute.) Also Ickis must live up to his fathers reputation in the academy, I also constantly get reminded about how much stage work my brother did in school and how I need to live up to him and how well my sister did academically. So I also have pretty big shoes to fill, this causes both me and Ickis to have a major infuriority complex.
Many of you will notices the flaw that "Oh these show makers chose those characteristic because everyones like that." And you're probaly right....Still it's healthy to think.
And so I leave you with this; Think about what shaped you into the person you are and I suggest you blog it. Peace out.
Sunday 5 May 2013
You disapoint me bia-tches.
I was gonna do a Q and A but I got one question so instead I just responded to that on person on the comments :I
Thursday 2 May 2013
old friends and new friends (ALSO comment with questions please; I'm doing a Q and A)
So in an earlier blog I talked about my life in Creuddyn and I said a lot about friends (not the over-played american sitcom) and so I thought I'd dwell on that, also tommorow is the last day so I'm gonna be very blunt and get a lot of shit off my chest.
Let's begin with the bad shit so then the good shit seems nice. My old friends.
It's safe to say that my old friends are cunts. Plain and simple. I resent them and I get angry at myself that I cant just cut ties with them because I am a massive pussy, these are the people that I spent year seven, eight and nine with. I'm still not going to use real names because I'm not sure if I can get sued.
(can I just point out that I will not mention friends who can take a fucking hint)
Let's start with...Let's call him...Leopard (I imagine that you will all figure out who these people are. DISCLAIMER: I do not hate these people, nor should anyone else, I just grew apart from them and if I dont take it out here it will remain on my chest forever.)
Yeah so Leopard. I didnt really know you until around year 9 when I started to go to the music room, and you were alright, you genuinly were awesome and I saw us as a double act. Then we were in the same science and that rocked. But then you moved to my damn Math class, and you just would not stop braggin' about how fucking well you did in a past paper. "I'm the only person who got in the 90's" NEWSFLASH! You're in set four. And I had sit there and let you comment not only on my intelligance but my persons and make me feel so fucking low about myself, and then you'd invite me to your house so you could just brag all night long about how awesome you and your life is/are. And how I suck and that my life sucks compared to yours. But now I realise, my life rocks.
Having said all this, I dont hate you...I feel sorry for you, you lack so much depth and personality that you have to make up for it by telling me bull-shit stories about how you and your brothers put drawing pins on a go-cart and popped kids tires, 1) thats a dick move, not impressive 2) most kids will tell their parents who would tell the police.
You have such low self-esteem that you have to crush everyone elses self esteem.
Next let's go to...Sanders. I was really that close to you but I do need to get this off my chest, you are not only a liar. You are sick in the head. You nearly killed a girl with a slate and you cut your cheek open with a slate over cherry-fucking-coke. And on top of that you strangled a girl until her neck was red and she couldent breath. I dont care what she might or might not have done. Its fucked up, get the fuck out of my life before you kill someone, cause I dont want to be interviewed by the police and 'dem finding my weed!
and finally....Wormtounge. Now this might be a little brutal but you need to understand what this guy did to me. You were one of the harshest people when I came to this school. You would belittle me and humilate me. You were also increadably guilty of being an arragont little shit, you sit there and compare out reports, laughing at my failures. What kind of scum-bag does that? You mock my weight and my physical appearance and my intellect to the point of me looking at myself in the mirror hating myself, and you knew that you did and you took pride in the fact that you could get me to that state. You constantly pick peoples insecurities and pick at them and pick at them until that person asks you to stop and then you continue, you also ruined my relationship with the only girl I've ever loved by inteltionally making me hate her and by spreading lies that caused everyone to turn againts me, why? Because you wanted me for yourself you disgustly selfish brat. Your views on homosexualality are devoid of any logic, you claim to be an Atheist then you say that homosexuals shouldent be married, on what fucking planet does that make sense you piece of shit! And on a rather personal note, I dont give a fuck what you did on the weekend you fucking attention seeker! I dont give a shit about red, blue, dead or whatever the fuck its called, get off your fucking high horse you stinky skinny prick. And can I just say, a boyfriend who lets his friends say the harshest things about his girlfriend (whether she hears it not) and then laughs along, doesnt deserve a girlfriend. You dont deserve a girlfriend at this current point in time until you get over your-fucking-self and realise that you are not better or smarter than everyone else, infact you are the one of the stupidest, most arragont, igrorant, obnoxious, crueliest and most vile person I've ever had the displeasure of being in contact with, I deleted you off facebook because when I leave I want no fucking connection with you what-so-ever. I cant wait to live a life without you doing that smug golf swing thing you do when you do something mediocre. Oh and by the way, just cause you dont like the taste of mint, doesnt mean you shouldent brush your teeth, Your breath is fucking vile.
Now onto the good stuff, I will write a paragraph for all my good friends.
Ulysses: You were one of my first ever friends, like...Ever.We have had our serious rough patches, we've had girls seperate us, we've had our own pride seperate us, hell we've had family members sepreate us (mainly mine) but y'know what. We're still standing, in English we're seen as a fucking double act! You're the guy who I can rave about cheesy films with, laugh at idiots with, gossip with, be clever with and get angry with. And I can feel it in my stank-bone, that if family members cant stop us from being friends...If girls cant stop us being friends...If you fucking choking me cant stop us being friends! Whats a school speration gonna do? Lets make the rest of our lives as Mega-Dega as Nic and Tristan.
Tomos: I can remember to this day as one of my most vivid memories this teddy-bear looking kid coming to my school and being super confuesed because you were the new kid. It's one of my fondest memories also. Because on that day, I made a friend for life. I am crying writing this because I didnt take the time out to appreciate what a glorious friend I had, and if I just spoke to you during my hard times things could of been totally diffrent. I am so proud of you, I have never been so proud as to see a guy I know grow into such a respectable, kind gentleman. And I wish I took the time out to appreciate what a friend I had. Thank you Tom, you are a hero in my eyes. And I will teach my future children to live like Tom.
Curtis: God where to begin? The day we met cause I cant remember that far back? Or shall we begin with the worst video of all time? Curtis of the dead. You cant spoof a comedy for fuck sake.
Curtis for as long as I can remember you have been a brother to me, I practically live at your house and we spend so much time together and I am never sick of your company, cause you are one of the very few people I know who honestly would never intentionally hurt someone. Ever. Everything, great or small that has happend to me, you were there with me every step of the way and I hope that you will continue to be. You and me are the true definition of guy love. I love you man.
Louise: Saving this one for last ;D. Where do I begin Louise? I know it was in year 9 and I know it was only two months, but to this day those two months were the greatest who months of my life, I dont regret anything from those two months, the onlt thing I regret is letting you go, but such is life. You introduced me into the world in a way, because before I met you I was so un-aware of the vastness of the world. You are the only girl I've ever loved, and in a way I will always love you. I will defiantly always be here for you and I will definatly always protect you. You are so beautiful inside and out and you shaped me into the guy I am today (take that as a good thing. I rock) So thank you for the being my first love, I couldent imagine anyone I'd rather be my first love.
There are countless more on this list who have featured previously. Fact is, these guys were with my through both primary and secondary and Louise is the only girl I've ever loved so....Yeah.
Thank you everyone who made this journey what it was, and I wouldent change it for the world.
ALSO: Comment any questions you have for me because if I have over like five I'll do a Q and A thing.
Let's begin with the bad shit so then the good shit seems nice. My old friends.
It's safe to say that my old friends are cunts. Plain and simple. I resent them and I get angry at myself that I cant just cut ties with them because I am a massive pussy, these are the people that I spent year seven, eight and nine with. I'm still not going to use real names because I'm not sure if I can get sued.
(can I just point out that I will not mention friends who can take a fucking hint)
Let's start with...Let's call him...Leopard (I imagine that you will all figure out who these people are. DISCLAIMER: I do not hate these people, nor should anyone else, I just grew apart from them and if I dont take it out here it will remain on my chest forever.)
Yeah so Leopard. I didnt really know you until around year 9 when I started to go to the music room, and you were alright, you genuinly were awesome and I saw us as a double act. Then we were in the same science and that rocked. But then you moved to my damn Math class, and you just would not stop braggin' about how fucking well you did in a past paper. "I'm the only person who got in the 90's" NEWSFLASH! You're in set four. And I had sit there and let you comment not only on my intelligance but my persons and make me feel so fucking low about myself, and then you'd invite me to your house so you could just brag all night long about how awesome you and your life is/are. And how I suck and that my life sucks compared to yours. But now I realise, my life rocks.
Having said all this, I dont hate you...I feel sorry for you, you lack so much depth and personality that you have to make up for it by telling me bull-shit stories about how you and your brothers put drawing pins on a go-cart and popped kids tires, 1) thats a dick move, not impressive 2) most kids will tell their parents who would tell the police.
You have such low self-esteem that you have to crush everyone elses self esteem.
Next let's go to...Sanders. I was really that close to you but I do need to get this off my chest, you are not only a liar. You are sick in the head. You nearly killed a girl with a slate and you cut your cheek open with a slate over cherry-fucking-coke. And on top of that you strangled a girl until her neck was red and she couldent breath. I dont care what she might or might not have done. Its fucked up, get the fuck out of my life before you kill someone, cause I dont want to be interviewed by the police and 'dem finding my weed!
and finally....Wormtounge. Now this might be a little brutal but you need to understand what this guy did to me. You were one of the harshest people when I came to this school. You would belittle me and humilate me. You were also increadably guilty of being an arragont little shit, you sit there and compare out reports, laughing at my failures. What kind of scum-bag does that? You mock my weight and my physical appearance and my intellect to the point of me looking at myself in the mirror hating myself, and you knew that you did and you took pride in the fact that you could get me to that state. You constantly pick peoples insecurities and pick at them and pick at them until that person asks you to stop and then you continue, you also ruined my relationship with the only girl I've ever loved by inteltionally making me hate her and by spreading lies that caused everyone to turn againts me, why? Because you wanted me for yourself you disgustly selfish brat. Your views on homosexualality are devoid of any logic, you claim to be an Atheist then you say that homosexuals shouldent be married, on what fucking planet does that make sense you piece of shit! And on a rather personal note, I dont give a fuck what you did on the weekend you fucking attention seeker! I dont give a shit about red, blue, dead or whatever the fuck its called, get off your fucking high horse you stinky skinny prick. And can I just say, a boyfriend who lets his friends say the harshest things about his girlfriend (whether she hears it not) and then laughs along, doesnt deserve a girlfriend. You dont deserve a girlfriend at this current point in time until you get over your-fucking-self and realise that you are not better or smarter than everyone else, infact you are the one of the stupidest, most arragont, igrorant, obnoxious, crueliest and most vile person I've ever had the displeasure of being in contact with, I deleted you off facebook because when I leave I want no fucking connection with you what-so-ever. I cant wait to live a life without you doing that smug golf swing thing you do when you do something mediocre. Oh and by the way, just cause you dont like the taste of mint, doesnt mean you shouldent brush your teeth, Your breath is fucking vile.
Now onto the good stuff, I will write a paragraph for all my good friends.
Ulysses: You were one of my first ever friends, like...Ever.We have had our serious rough patches, we've had girls seperate us, we've had our own pride seperate us, hell we've had family members sepreate us (mainly mine) but y'know what. We're still standing, in English we're seen as a fucking double act! You're the guy who I can rave about cheesy films with, laugh at idiots with, gossip with, be clever with and get angry with. And I can feel it in my stank-bone, that if family members cant stop us from being friends...If girls cant stop us being friends...If you fucking choking me cant stop us being friends! Whats a school speration gonna do? Lets make the rest of our lives as Mega-Dega as Nic and Tristan.
Tomos: I can remember to this day as one of my most vivid memories this teddy-bear looking kid coming to my school and being super confuesed because you were the new kid. It's one of my fondest memories also. Because on that day, I made a friend for life. I am crying writing this because I didnt take the time out to appreciate what a glorious friend I had, and if I just spoke to you during my hard times things could of been totally diffrent. I am so proud of you, I have never been so proud as to see a guy I know grow into such a respectable, kind gentleman. And I wish I took the time out to appreciate what a friend I had. Thank you Tom, you are a hero in my eyes. And I will teach my future children to live like Tom.
Curtis: God where to begin? The day we met cause I cant remember that far back? Or shall we begin with the worst video of all time? Curtis of the dead. You cant spoof a comedy for fuck sake.
Curtis for as long as I can remember you have been a brother to me, I practically live at your house and we spend so much time together and I am never sick of your company, cause you are one of the very few people I know who honestly would never intentionally hurt someone. Ever. Everything, great or small that has happend to me, you were there with me every step of the way and I hope that you will continue to be. You and me are the true definition of guy love. I love you man.
Louise: Saving this one for last ;D. Where do I begin Louise? I know it was in year 9 and I know it was only two months, but to this day those two months were the greatest who months of my life, I dont regret anything from those two months, the onlt thing I regret is letting you go, but such is life. You introduced me into the world in a way, because before I met you I was so un-aware of the vastness of the world. You are the only girl I've ever loved, and in a way I will always love you. I will defiantly always be here for you and I will definatly always protect you. You are so beautiful inside and out and you shaped me into the guy I am today (take that as a good thing. I rock) So thank you for the being my first love, I couldent imagine anyone I'd rather be my first love.
There are countless more on this list who have featured previously. Fact is, these guys were with my through both primary and secondary and Louise is the only girl I've ever loved so....Yeah.
Thank you everyone who made this journey what it was, and I wouldent change it for the world.
ALSO: Comment any questions you have for me because if I have over like five I'll do a Q and A thing.
Tuesday 30 April 2013
Best of: Slogan-Maker Vol. 1
Domestic Violence is an investment in good appearance.
Delicious and refreshing, Genocide.
Crabs good to forget.
Night or day, Transgenderism is your way.
anal discharge is the World famous for quality.
Be young, have fun, taste child sex slavery. (I swear to god I didnt make this up)
Animal Abuse so good you want it again.
school shootings is good for the nerves.
Light as a breeze, soft as child abduction.
I'd walk a mile for HIV .
Feel the spirit of urinary track infection.
Strength, safety, style, amputee rape.
Start the day right with terrorism.
underground slave trafficing makes the world go round.
If Jesus was here, he would go for death riots.
Famine your flavour.
pestilence for everyday, everywhere.
The greatest reason of all is Nuclear war.
I'm going to hell XD
oh wait...
All you need is eternal damnation.
Delicious and refreshing, Genocide.
Crabs good to forget.
Night or day, Transgenderism is your way.
anal discharge is the World famous for quality.
Be young, have fun, taste child sex slavery. (I swear to god I didnt make this up)
Animal Abuse so good you want it again.
school shootings is good for the nerves.
Light as a breeze, soft as child abduction.
I'd walk a mile for HIV .
Feel the spirit of urinary track infection.
Strength, safety, style, amputee rape.
Start the day right with terrorism.
underground slave trafficing makes the world go round.
If Jesus was here, he would go for death riots.
Famine your flavour.
pestilence for everyday, everywhere.
The greatest reason of all is Nuclear war.
I'm going to hell XD
oh wait...
All you need is eternal damnation.
philosophy. (It's that simple)
Oh em gee! double-u tea eff!? Two blogs in one night, arnt you lucky?
Look, I'm not looking for a debate, I'm not here to argue my case for even say that there is or isnt a God. I'm just here to say what I believe:
Right, I like to think of myself as a simplicist. Basically my philosophy is dead simple. "If it doesnt harm anyone or yourself. Do it." and people always like to over-complicate things with "Yeah but that is too simple!" No its not. It works for any situation. ANY! This is a peacefull and simple philosophy and I dare you to try and poke holes in it. People just have this ridiculous idea that choosing a philosophy should be complex and life changing. It doesnt have to be, as me and Ulysses agreed, the best thing for you to do is not think about whether there is or isnt a God or whether there is a reason to life, because it will ironically ruin your life.
Now along with the "If it feels good, do it" sort of philosophy I am also an absurdist, I feel that a lot of the bullshit between the vagina and the grave is that...Bullshit. So enjoy it, dont end it early and sont ruin other peoples short time on earth. It's that simple. No no! It is.
Now the touchy subject of G.O.D. *gasp*. I am an Atheist, I am not an Agnostic or Apethetic. I just plain and simple believe in God in the same way I dont believe in fairies, I have nothing againts relgion or people who follow a certain religion as-long as those belifes dont impact the happiness of others, which is caused me to have a handfull of relgious friends, because of my easy going Atheist nature. Having said this I do feel Atheism is being oppressed, which is wrong. So is repressing any philosophy, but I feel it would be hypocritical for me to defend relgions I dont believe.
For example, why is it okay for relgious people to bombared Atheist songs on youtube because its full of hate (even if it doesnt have hate, which they dont) but if we complain about a religious song (which we dont) we get abuse for hating. Waddafuq?
But again, I'm not looking for theological debates.
Having said all this it is a dick-move to abuse someone for their relgious views. I will post atheist things on my facebook wall because its my views and if you dont like it, you can un-friend me. But I will never comment on a jesus-loving status with hate because thats fucked up, the same way as I wont pray in assembly because its a house of learning not religion, however if I go to the dodgeball thing on Fridays which is run by a church (so they're relgious) I will pray with them, and I will keep my mouth shut because I am their guest. The same thing goes when I get forced to go to church on Christmas because of my relgious family. I will pray and keep my mouth shut because I am not a hypocrit.
And you wanna hear something weird? Jesus is one of my insperations.
That's right. Althought I dont believe he was the son of God or even that he existed. I do believe that what he spoke of in the new testement was true and good. (No so much old testement) but I view it the same way that...Holden Caulfield is an insperation to me.
A fictional character who holds qualities which are close to my heart.
Jesus is a good role-model like Indiana Jones is.
Look, I'm not looking for a debate, I'm not here to argue my case for even say that there is or isnt a God. I'm just here to say what I believe:
Right, I like to think of myself as a simplicist. Basically my philosophy is dead simple. "If it doesnt harm anyone or yourself. Do it." and people always like to over-complicate things with "Yeah but that is too simple!" No its not. It works for any situation. ANY! This is a peacefull and simple philosophy and I dare you to try and poke holes in it. People just have this ridiculous idea that choosing a philosophy should be complex and life changing. It doesnt have to be, as me and Ulysses agreed, the best thing for you to do is not think about whether there is or isnt a God or whether there is a reason to life, because it will ironically ruin your life.
Now along with the "If it feels good, do it" sort of philosophy I am also an absurdist, I feel that a lot of the bullshit between the vagina and the grave is that...Bullshit. So enjoy it, dont end it early and sont ruin other peoples short time on earth. It's that simple. No no! It is.
Now the touchy subject of G.O.D. *gasp*. I am an Atheist, I am not an Agnostic or Apethetic. I just plain and simple believe in God in the same way I dont believe in fairies, I have nothing againts relgion or people who follow a certain religion as-long as those belifes dont impact the happiness of others, which is caused me to have a handfull of relgious friends, because of my easy going Atheist nature. Having said this I do feel Atheism is being oppressed, which is wrong. So is repressing any philosophy, but I feel it would be hypocritical for me to defend relgions I dont believe.
For example, why is it okay for relgious people to bombared Atheist songs on youtube because its full of hate (even if it doesnt have hate, which they dont) but if we complain about a religious song (which we dont) we get abuse for hating. Waddafuq?
But again, I'm not looking for theological debates.
Having said all this it is a dick-move to abuse someone for their relgious views. I will post atheist things on my facebook wall because its my views and if you dont like it, you can un-friend me. But I will never comment on a jesus-loving status with hate because thats fucked up, the same way as I wont pray in assembly because its a house of learning not religion, however if I go to the dodgeball thing on Fridays which is run by a church (so they're relgious) I will pray with them, and I will keep my mouth shut because I am their guest. The same thing goes when I get forced to go to church on Christmas because of my relgious family. I will pray and keep my mouth shut because I am not a hypocrit.
And you wanna hear something weird? Jesus is one of my insperations.
That's right. Althought I dont believe he was the son of God or even that he existed. I do believe that what he spoke of in the new testement was true and good. (No so much old testement) but I view it the same way that...Holden Caulfield is an insperation to me.
A fictional character who holds qualities which are close to my heart.
Jesus is a good role-model like Indiana Jones is.
Good-bye guys (Leaving Creuddyn)
Right, how do I do this without getting upset...Well listening to Angie- Rolling Stones isnt a good start is it?
Anyway, so on Friday I will be going through the last REAL day of school (not including R.O.A. and the exams) which orginally excited me because I hate a lot of my year. But then rather then looking at the negative I looked at the positive and thought of all the cool folk who I wont see (too much to list and plus if I forget someone I'll feel evil) and it really got me, "Oh shit, this is it." All these friends I spent so long getting who I genuinly like although I say I dont. So this is going to be a huge blog.
In year seven I was nervous...Very nervous, in my primary school I was king, I was worshipped because of my badass-ness and the fact that I didnt take shit from anyone, it condemmed in year 7 and in secondary school in general. I arrived with three friends: Curtis, Uly, Tomos who were in my primary and are honestly my best friends. I made a mission for me to be the kind again, in doing this I became a swag-fag (before the term showed up) I pretended to love pop and hip hop, I dressed like a twat and I would make a fool out of myself. This didnt work, everyone hated me and I got bullied (boo-hoo I know, I'm not complaining everyone got bullied.) So I thought being the dumb 11 year old I was that the best thing to do was to ditch my friends and find some new ones. I screwed my friends over like royal and caught two more, Let's call em': Pack and Ponathan. There liked me cause I did the stupud stuff they were afraid to do. These guys were my bullies mind you, and through them I became a bully aswell. I bullied my friends from primary, I regret this choice to this day.
Anyway, In my form class I had Pack as a friend who didnt even sit on my table, on my table was Parlie Parmichael, Pesse and Piam. Piam was a prick, was? Sorry is a prick. He was one of the worst bullies, Pesse was his accomplice, he was like Wormtounge in LOTR. And although they abused me, I wanted to be their friend. Pathetic right? Actually no, I was eleven, cut me some slack.
So through litrally pestering I became friends with Ponathan, Pack, Pesse and Piam and through no fault of my own I became friends with Pen. Pesse's friend.
They liked me because I was a joke.
In year 8 I earned the respect of my class-mates and I had my friend crowd (who I would cheat with reguarly with the "nerds" who I was ashamed of at the time) But like I said they liked me because I was the guy who they could persuade to do stuff that would get me in trouble. Girls still cringed at the thought of me of course. Anyway, half way through the year I pissed in a bottle, and simply because Pack asked me to I poured it on Pen's head (which I later learned was infact just) but anyway, I got suspended and I had never felt so low, my mother was so ashamed and then I was ashamed, so much. However after a deep chat with my father I was reborn. I didnt do things that were stupid because I was afraid of losing friends (F.Y.I. Piam had left our friends group for the footballers) So my friends became less and less intrested. And I had lost Ulysses because I was a prick in year 7 and most of primary, Curtis had started hanging out with his church friends and Tom...Well thinking about it Tom was always there for me, I lost the respect of my year because of the suspention. I was alone. I was utterly alone. Althought I hadnt felt lonliness like I did un year 9...But we'll get to that later. Anyway at the end of year 8 I found out that I was going to a totally diffrent form class which was sort of a hybrid class with people from all over in it. I was eleven again. Nervous.
Here comes year 9. When I went into year 9 The only friend in my class I had was Pen, the others were as good as strangers. So the first few months were spent with me sort of clutching on Pen; afraid of mainly attractive girls. And then it happend, I would never be the same again. I saw Louise, who was (and still is mind you) increadably beautiful and I went head over heels straight away, I had fancied girls in the past but not like this. Anyway, after like six months of being a pussy I plucked up the courage to ask her out. And she said yes, I didnt believe it, I was so insecure and my self esteem was so low that I spent most of those two months being in total and utter paranoya that she would leave me. Which caused me to be the worst boyfriend ever. She dumped me. And boy was a crushed. She was the first (and so far, only) girl I had ever loved, and I would of done anything for her and no matter how much I begged a pleaded to get back with her, she wouldent (of course not, I was a shite boyfriend) this lead me to go into what I think now was probaly depression which made me get very, very, very mean, I worst I've ever mean. I cant believe half of the shady things I did and when I came to my senses I couldent believe what I did. I didnt speak to her for months after that, possibly half a year. And it crushed me because, even to this day she knows me more than anyone else does. At this point be and Ulysses still werent totally friends, we were just neutral. I started to get sick of my friends group and all of Louise's friends (which was the whole year) hated my guts. I was at the peek of my lonliness. Although I never continplated suicide or self harmed!
In year 10 I decided to patch shit up with Louise, and we did. And now she is probaly one of my best friends and she will always be my first love and she will always be in my heart, and I guess in one way I'll always love her. Damn emotions. Anyway in year 10 I became friends with Ulysses again and I made some really new friends who turned out to be boss. And I became who I am today.
Now year 11 was full of mostly good shit. I am friends with people who I like, people who hate me I hate back. And only recently I have grown a bitter hatred for my old friends crowd. Who I now avoid at all costs, I have a very peacefull and nice relationship with my ex girlfriend. I have the best friends a cynical prick could ask for and I know I wont lose them. So when I really think about it, I'm back where I started. The same nerd crowd that I love, no girlfriend, a geek myself and into some good old rock n' roll. All thats diffrent is life experiance that I wont regret getting. So I am pleased with myself and what I did, even the shit stuff, because without that I wouldent be what I am today...A badass mother fucker. Girlfriends? Not currently, although the goggles are on and locked on but thats all I'll say: To quote Frank Turner "Everybody around here has been out with everybody else, so talking to girls is hazzerdous to my health"
The only thing that sucks is that I dont have an extra six months of year eleven to hang out with the badass mother fuckers I have become friends with. And possibly give a girl the gift of the best boyfriend ever? Ah well, such is life.
The future? Isnt for me to decide I would just like to thank these people:
Curtis: For being my brother through out all of primary and secondary. We'll be friends forever brah, no doubt, your still going to live with me and Jennifer Connelly when we get married dude!
Ulysses: For letting me rant and just for being the Moss to my Roy, The Mitchell to my Webb...The....Um...Tom to my Jerry, for being the Wing-man (although you fuck up royal) and for being as loud and obnoxious as me...Oh and for being Mega-Dega.
Tomos: You sir, where do I begin? Your my punching bag and my white knight. When I'm annoyed and I want someone to cheer me up, you're there with you unfunny puns. And the thing is...you've always been there, probaly because you didnt notice anything happend.
Beth: Dude, no one has listened to my bull-shit as much as you have and even when everyone turned againts me you listened to my story and you convinced me to so the right thing. You so totally rule.
Nerds of the hill: You guys frickin rock dont let anyone tell you diffrently!
So with that I say good-bye to you fellas. Oh and in my intro I said I'd have a sighn off thing, so um....See you in your dreams.
Anyway, so on Friday I will be going through the last REAL day of school (not including R.O.A. and the exams) which orginally excited me because I hate a lot of my year. But then rather then looking at the negative I looked at the positive and thought of all the cool folk who I wont see (too much to list and plus if I forget someone I'll feel evil) and it really got me, "Oh shit, this is it." All these friends I spent so long getting who I genuinly like although I say I dont. So this is going to be a huge blog.
In year seven I was nervous...Very nervous, in my primary school I was king, I was worshipped because of my badass-ness and the fact that I didnt take shit from anyone, it condemmed in year 7 and in secondary school in general. I arrived with three friends: Curtis, Uly, Tomos who were in my primary and are honestly my best friends. I made a mission for me to be the kind again, in doing this I became a swag-fag (before the term showed up) I pretended to love pop and hip hop, I dressed like a twat and I would make a fool out of myself. This didnt work, everyone hated me and I got bullied (boo-hoo I know, I'm not complaining everyone got bullied.) So I thought being the dumb 11 year old I was that the best thing to do was to ditch my friends and find some new ones. I screwed my friends over like royal and caught two more, Let's call em': Pack and Ponathan. There liked me cause I did the stupud stuff they were afraid to do. These guys were my bullies mind you, and through them I became a bully aswell. I bullied my friends from primary, I regret this choice to this day.
Anyway, In my form class I had Pack as a friend who didnt even sit on my table, on my table was Parlie Parmichael, Pesse and Piam. Piam was a prick, was? Sorry is a prick. He was one of the worst bullies, Pesse was his accomplice, he was like Wormtounge in LOTR. And although they abused me, I wanted to be their friend. Pathetic right? Actually no, I was eleven, cut me some slack.
So through litrally pestering I became friends with Ponathan, Pack, Pesse and Piam and through no fault of my own I became friends with Pen. Pesse's friend.
They liked me because I was a joke.
In year 8 I earned the respect of my class-mates and I had my friend crowd (who I would cheat with reguarly with the "nerds" who I was ashamed of at the time) But like I said they liked me because I was the guy who they could persuade to do stuff that would get me in trouble. Girls still cringed at the thought of me of course. Anyway, half way through the year I pissed in a bottle, and simply because Pack asked me to I poured it on Pen's head (which I later learned was infact just) but anyway, I got suspended and I had never felt so low, my mother was so ashamed and then I was ashamed, so much. However after a deep chat with my father I was reborn. I didnt do things that were stupid because I was afraid of losing friends (F.Y.I. Piam had left our friends group for the footballers) So my friends became less and less intrested. And I had lost Ulysses because I was a prick in year 7 and most of primary, Curtis had started hanging out with his church friends and Tom...Well thinking about it Tom was always there for me, I lost the respect of my year because of the suspention. I was alone. I was utterly alone. Althought I hadnt felt lonliness like I did un year 9...But we'll get to that later. Anyway at the end of year 8 I found out that I was going to a totally diffrent form class which was sort of a hybrid class with people from all over in it. I was eleven again. Nervous.
Here comes year 9. When I went into year 9 The only friend in my class I had was Pen, the others were as good as strangers. So the first few months were spent with me sort of clutching on Pen; afraid of mainly attractive girls. And then it happend, I would never be the same again. I saw Louise, who was (and still is mind you) increadably beautiful and I went head over heels straight away, I had fancied girls in the past but not like this. Anyway, after like six months of being a pussy I plucked up the courage to ask her out. And she said yes, I didnt believe it, I was so insecure and my self esteem was so low that I spent most of those two months being in total and utter paranoya that she would leave me. Which caused me to be the worst boyfriend ever. She dumped me. And boy was a crushed. She was the first (and so far, only) girl I had ever loved, and I would of done anything for her and no matter how much I begged a pleaded to get back with her, she wouldent (of course not, I was a shite boyfriend) this lead me to go into what I think now was probaly depression which made me get very, very, very mean, I worst I've ever mean. I cant believe half of the shady things I did and when I came to my senses I couldent believe what I did. I didnt speak to her for months after that, possibly half a year. And it crushed me because, even to this day she knows me more than anyone else does. At this point be and Ulysses still werent totally friends, we were just neutral. I started to get sick of my friends group and all of Louise's friends (which was the whole year) hated my guts. I was at the peek of my lonliness. Although I never continplated suicide or self harmed!
In year 10 I decided to patch shit up with Louise, and we did. And now she is probaly one of my best friends and she will always be my first love and she will always be in my heart, and I guess in one way I'll always love her. Damn emotions. Anyway in year 10 I became friends with Ulysses again and I made some really new friends who turned out to be boss. And I became who I am today.
Now year 11 was full of mostly good shit. I am friends with people who I like, people who hate me I hate back. And only recently I have grown a bitter hatred for my old friends crowd. Who I now avoid at all costs, I have a very peacefull and nice relationship with my ex girlfriend. I have the best friends a cynical prick could ask for and I know I wont lose them. So when I really think about it, I'm back where I started. The same nerd crowd that I love, no girlfriend, a geek myself and into some good old rock n' roll. All thats diffrent is life experiance that I wont regret getting. So I am pleased with myself and what I did, even the shit stuff, because without that I wouldent be what I am today...A badass mother fucker. Girlfriends? Not currently, although the goggles are on and locked on but thats all I'll say: To quote Frank Turner "Everybody around here has been out with everybody else, so talking to girls is hazzerdous to my health"
The only thing that sucks is that I dont have an extra six months of year eleven to hang out with the badass mother fuckers I have become friends with. And possibly give a girl the gift of the best boyfriend ever? Ah well, such is life.
The future? Isnt for me to decide I would just like to thank these people:
Curtis: For being my brother through out all of primary and secondary. We'll be friends forever brah, no doubt, your still going to live with me and Jennifer Connelly when we get married dude!
Ulysses: For letting me rant and just for being the Moss to my Roy, The Mitchell to my Webb...The....Um...Tom to my Jerry, for being the Wing-man (although you fuck up royal) and for being as loud and obnoxious as me...Oh and for being Mega-Dega.
Tomos: You sir, where do I begin? Your my punching bag and my white knight. When I'm annoyed and I want someone to cheer me up, you're there with you unfunny puns. And the thing is...you've always been there, probaly because you didnt notice anything happend.
Beth: Dude, no one has listened to my bull-shit as much as you have and even when everyone turned againts me you listened to my story and you convinced me to so the right thing. You so totally rule.
Nerds of the hill: You guys frickin rock dont let anyone tell you diffrently!
So with that I say good-bye to you fellas. Oh and in my intro I said I'd have a sighn off thing, so um....See you in your dreams.
Monday 29 April 2013
(short blog) Hi Russians.
So being all selfish and shit I was looking at my stats and although most of my fans are my friends I realised that I have quite a few fans from Russia! It's probaly because of my left-winged attitude and the fact that they're president is badass like me.
Anyway: Привет русским, простите меня, если мой акцент немного от, это онлайн-трансляции мы говорим здесь не так ли? Прав ли я? Во всяком случае, спасибо за чтение моего блога, вы, ребята, именно потому, что вы даже не знаете меня, но ты меня нашел развлекательных почему-то, так что спасибо матушке-России! Надеюсь, вам понравится ваше коммунизма и водку и ваш ... снег, а что нет, я сожалею, что не знаю много о России, не есть обалденная там людей, которые читали мое дерьмо! Звери Англии, Ирландии зверей и все, что ерунда. Увидимся позже русскими парнями.
for those of my fans who arnt Russian...Google Translate.
Anyway: Привет русским, простите меня, если мой акцент немного от, это онлайн-трансляции мы говорим здесь не так ли? Прав ли я? Во всяком случае, спасибо за чтение моего блога, вы, ребята, именно потому, что вы даже не знаете меня, но ты меня нашел развлекательных почему-то, так что спасибо матушке-России! Надеюсь, вам понравится ваше коммунизма и водку и ваш ... снег, а что нет, я сожалею, что не знаю много о России, не есть обалденная там людей, которые читали мое дерьмо! Звери Англии, Ирландии зверей и все, что ерунда. Увидимся позже русскими парнями.
for those of my fans who arnt Russian...Google Translate.
Things they dont teach you in school.
Hi, I am here to educate you on things that they didnt teach you in school (Jacob edition because I'm sure someone will do one of these or has already done this)
peace dudes, im off.
- Jacob/Everything makes me sick/ Three-legged-dog or my new title The expendable guy friend.
- School is a lie: firstly the teachers and other student who are older than you will constantly pump you fear (like the media) and tell you "Don't fuck up now, because if you fuck up now you're going to be a fuck up forever" althought I understand why they do this; its too risky to tell students "Y'know you might be a sucsess without doing well in school." Having said that they still shouldent say "DO ET RIGHT OR YOU GONNA BE A HOMELESS MAN!" They also tell you that every single thing that you want to be wont happen. And they dont even tell you subtly, they honestly go "You want to get into media? Ha! Not gonna happen look for a desk job in an insurance company."
- People are stupid and you shouldent care: Although it is "socially acceptable" to be nice to everyone, some people need to be told to shut the fuck up, I am currently telling people that I fucking hate them. Because they cant take hints. You shouldent care about peoples feelings if those people are dick-holes.
- Burning piss isnt always a bad thing: Every now and again pee will sting and we panic. We shouldent.
- (most importantly) everything between your birth and death is irrevelant. So you should just so totally have a good time. That doesnt mean you should make your life even shorter, thats stupid. Just dont try and please a dude who doesnt even exist. Dont try and impress people who arnt important to you, dont waste your time trying to buy the new Iphone. Dont take time to make sure that you dont offend anyone and make sure that no one hates you and most importantly dont apoligise for something you dont regret.
peace dudes, im off.
- Jacob/Everything makes me sick/ Three-legged-dog or my new title The expendable guy friend.
Sunday 28 April 2013
It's time for some personal reflection! Oh yay!
So on Friday I went down to the beach with my good friend Ulysses and some guy called Tomos, I'm kidding he is also a good friend. Now me and Ulysses will constantly go for walks and talk about shit that is very trivial but we make out its a lot more intresting than it is.
Anyway so for the first time a new person was involved in our chat-walks, Tom. Which I am fine with because without realising Tom knows all of my intimate secrets; which is what makes him great, he never brings them up to the point when I didnt even notice that he knew. So we reached the beach and we sat outside Ulysses' "shed" as Tom called it, and we talked and drank hot drinks, when Ulysses (being the big personality he is) saw two kids who went to primary school with us and one new one and decided to go over and talk to them. Tom was reluctant at first.
Anyway, seeing that me and Ulysses are totally self indulged and selfish we filled two hours in telling them what the last five years of our lives were, and if you know us...You know this was quite a mouth full. I cant speak for Ulysses, but chatting about how "hard" and "over-whealming" my life is made me realise thatit isnt. What so ever. Yeah I got shit throw at my face in my life time. But its nothing when I re-tell it, it sounds fucking whiny, so first thing is I want to apoligise to people who've had to listen to me whine in self pity. I can promise it wont happen again...Unless, y'know...It's called for.
So what have I learnt. I've learnt not to whine about how diffiult my life was cause it was pretty fuckin' easy. No real bad shit happend, only shit that has happend to other people in the past, I'm not special enough to complain. Another thing is for me to prioritise my life, The friends I want to keep will stay; The people who I walk on the beach with and talk for hours, the people who let me say that I "hate" them and laugh it off because they know I'm joking, the friends who I can just call up and I say "Wanna hang out?" and the anwser is always "yes" if they're not busy, the friends who can tell about any emotions I feel because I know I can trust them. The people who I only talk to online but we can say the most fucked up shit to each other and it doesnt matter. The friends who know exactly what book would intrested my fucked up little brain. You know who you are.
And the people who put me down, who make me feel small, who accuse me of shit which if they knew me well enough would know is totally out of character, who have totally diffrent views and values. Arnt worht Jack-shit. Thus I want to correct one of my seven flaws, for I dont get sick of people easy...I get sick of pricks easy, most of friends right now I will stay friends with 'till the end. The others can quite frankly fuck themselves. And y'know what, I dont give a fuck what these pricks think, because I have the coolest fucking friends in the world, and I have a fucking easy life, so why I should I complain?
wow that was lame. I just hoped that the friends I refranced in here know its them I'm talking about.
Anyway so for the first time a new person was involved in our chat-walks, Tom. Which I am fine with because without realising Tom knows all of my intimate secrets; which is what makes him great, he never brings them up to the point when I didnt even notice that he knew. So we reached the beach and we sat outside Ulysses' "shed" as Tom called it, and we talked and drank hot drinks, when Ulysses (being the big personality he is) saw two kids who went to primary school with us and one new one and decided to go over and talk to them. Tom was reluctant at first.
Anyway, seeing that me and Ulysses are totally self indulged and selfish we filled two hours in telling them what the last five years of our lives were, and if you know us...You know this was quite a mouth full. I cant speak for Ulysses, but chatting about how "hard" and "over-whealming" my life is made me realise thatit isnt. What so ever. Yeah I got shit throw at my face in my life time. But its nothing when I re-tell it, it sounds fucking whiny, so first thing is I want to apoligise to people who've had to listen to me whine in self pity. I can promise it wont happen again...Unless, y'know...It's called for.
So what have I learnt. I've learnt not to whine about how diffiult my life was cause it was pretty fuckin' easy. No real bad shit happend, only shit that has happend to other people in the past, I'm not special enough to complain. Another thing is for me to prioritise my life, The friends I want to keep will stay; The people who I walk on the beach with and talk for hours, the people who let me say that I "hate" them and laugh it off because they know I'm joking, the friends who I can just call up and I say "Wanna hang out?" and the anwser is always "yes" if they're not busy, the friends who can tell about any emotions I feel because I know I can trust them. The people who I only talk to online but we can say the most fucked up shit to each other and it doesnt matter. The friends who know exactly what book would intrested my fucked up little brain. You know who you are.
And the people who put me down, who make me feel small, who accuse me of shit which if they knew me well enough would know is totally out of character, who have totally diffrent views and values. Arnt worht Jack-shit. Thus I want to correct one of my seven flaws, for I dont get sick of people easy...I get sick of pricks easy, most of friends right now I will stay friends with 'till the end. The others can quite frankly fuck themselves. And y'know what, I dont give a fuck what these pricks think, because I have the coolest fucking friends in the world, and I have a fucking easy life, so why I should I complain?
wow that was lame. I just hoped that the friends I refranced in here know its them I'm talking about.
Friday 26 April 2013
7 flaws of Jacob Williams (Everything makes me sick)
This is based on TomSka's (or his second channel actually) video "7 flaws of Tomska" In which he listed his flaws to stop his haters finding them themselves, but there is no point to this other than that I need to blog and I think its important that you know this now rather than you finding them out yourselves.
1) I am a dirty liar: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I could in fact be a compulsive liar, I just lie about shit that isnt worth lying about, I would never lie about shit that is serious, in fact thats another flaw (see flaw 3) I would never lie about a family or personal matter, or anything that would upset or impact someone, but I will just lie about something that is totally not worth lying about, I was worst as a kid as Ulysses could vouche for, I would just lie...All the time, I've managed to create a fillter but stuff still slip through, its usually just small comments that are just total and utter lies, they just come out in little outbursts like tourettes and then I'm like "Why did I just say that?", this means I cant hold down a friend for a long time because people just get sick of my lies.
2) I am physically repulsive: Let's just women whince at my sight, I am overweight, I have bad teeth, bad hair, disapointing facial hair and even more disapointing body hair. I sweat more than a donkey does in the desert thus making me smell more than most people, something that most people have noticed.
3) I am super insensitive: I simply dont care about most peoples feelings because when people are sad its usually short term and they'll get over it, i'll be sensitive about stuff that isnt to joke about, but if someone is offended by something I said I just dont give no fucks because I dont care about their feelings, horrible I know. I also dont get upset a lot and I am not in the slightest romantic, I just find emotions as hurdles to get over sometimes because they get in the way of people doing what they want, however I do make a point not to repress my emotions, if I am sad and want to cry, I will. I just never want to, I guess I just dont feel like I deserve to be sad most of the time, sue me.
4) I hate stupidity: I am tolerate with most things besides stupidity, when most people see ignorance on the internet, they laugh it off because its not worth it, which is true, its the right way to responde. I however lose it and I get really annoyed, I'm all like "Read a fucking book!". And everyone is like, dude chill. He's just an idiot, And im like "Graaargh!"
5) I am very controlling: with stuff I care about I get very controlling about it and I dont let anyone mess with my plan, for example me and Ulysses' film project, if people waste time I might just go ape shit, which is why its Uly's job to make sure people dont fuck about.
6) I get bored of people easily: most people when they spend a lot of time with someone get very annoyed and sick of that person and they leave them for a while and when they come back they're best buds again. Me on the other hand? Unless you're very special to me, I will get sick of you and I will fase you out until you leave my life. Insensitive? (see flaw 3) I just cant be bothered wasting time with people who I dont like, they suck, if I dont like them. They suck.
7) I am misrable: It's every other day that I am in a good mood, but more often then not something is bothering me, probaly something trivial and pointless to stress about,like that Spar were out of Ribena or that I put on the wrong underpants. I hate my tight superhero ones. Anyway, most people are explosive misrable people who go "Oh and not only that but the bloody bus is late!" like my friend Greg, I'm implosive I'll just sit on the bus like this
and then I'll just blank everyone out and then go home and vegtablise on the bed and go on my computer to be misrable again.
Well I hope you enjoyed me listing things that are wrong with me, I'm gonna go cry in a shower and bathe in my own urine.
1) I am a dirty liar: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I could in fact be a compulsive liar, I just lie about shit that isnt worth lying about, I would never lie about shit that is serious, in fact thats another flaw (see flaw 3) I would never lie about a family or personal matter, or anything that would upset or impact someone, but I will just lie about something that is totally not worth lying about, I was worst as a kid as Ulysses could vouche for, I would just lie...All the time, I've managed to create a fillter but stuff still slip through, its usually just small comments that are just total and utter lies, they just come out in little outbursts like tourettes and then I'm like "Why did I just say that?", this means I cant hold down a friend for a long time because people just get sick of my lies.
2) I am physically repulsive: Let's just women whince at my sight, I am overweight, I have bad teeth, bad hair, disapointing facial hair and even more disapointing body hair. I sweat more than a donkey does in the desert thus making me smell more than most people, something that most people have noticed.
3) I am super insensitive: I simply dont care about most peoples feelings because when people are sad its usually short term and they'll get over it, i'll be sensitive about stuff that isnt to joke about, but if someone is offended by something I said I just dont give no fucks because I dont care about their feelings, horrible I know. I also dont get upset a lot and I am not in the slightest romantic, I just find emotions as hurdles to get over sometimes because they get in the way of people doing what they want, however I do make a point not to repress my emotions, if I am sad and want to cry, I will. I just never want to, I guess I just dont feel like I deserve to be sad most of the time, sue me.
4) I hate stupidity: I am tolerate with most things besides stupidity, when most people see ignorance on the internet, they laugh it off because its not worth it, which is true, its the right way to responde. I however lose it and I get really annoyed, I'm all like "Read a fucking book!". And everyone is like, dude chill. He's just an idiot, And im like "Graaargh!"
5) I am very controlling: with stuff I care about I get very controlling about it and I dont let anyone mess with my plan, for example me and Ulysses' film project, if people waste time I might just go ape shit, which is why its Uly's job to make sure people dont fuck about.
6) I get bored of people easily: most people when they spend a lot of time with someone get very annoyed and sick of that person and they leave them for a while and when they come back they're best buds again. Me on the other hand? Unless you're very special to me, I will get sick of you and I will fase you out until you leave my life. Insensitive? (see flaw 3) I just cant be bothered wasting time with people who I dont like, they suck, if I dont like them. They suck.
7) I am misrable: It's every other day that I am in a good mood, but more often then not something is bothering me, probaly something trivial and pointless to stress about,like that Spar were out of Ribena or that I put on the wrong underpants. I hate my tight superhero ones. Anyway, most people are explosive misrable people who go "Oh and not only that but the bloody bus is late!" like my friend Greg, I'm implosive I'll just sit on the bus like this
and then I'll just blank everyone out and then go home and vegtablise on the bed and go on my computer to be misrable again.
Well I hope you enjoyed me listing things that are wrong with me, I'm gonna go cry in a shower and bathe in my own urine.
Wednesday 24 April 2013
Super Giant and The Jester VS The KKK.
Deep in the depths of the underground porn casino The Jester was storming around the Office in an angry manor "Where the Freaky Friday is Mindnumbing Miriam!" He yelled.
"With Sleaze." Spud respondes dealing cards on the blackjack table.
"They're an intem now boss" Spoon adds tipping a stripper.
"Urgh, thats disgusting" The Jester says, almost coughing up his lunch.
He is about to walk away but the realsies "That doesnt explain why they're not here"
"They've gone on holiday" says Psycho serving cocktails.
"That is disgusting!" The Jester respondes grabbing his Desert Eagle. "Hold on, who's going to assist me?"
"I'll assist you!" Spoon yells putting his hand up.
"Ew, gross" The Jester respondes.
Meanwhile in the Giant Cave Super-Giant is relaxing in his giant chair which is moulded out of rock. When a distress call comes in. "Good Gasrtis Bypass! *click* This is Super-Giant!".
"Hey, Doctor Fro here man."
"Oh hey, what seems to be the problem?" Super-Giant asks.
"What exactly is my power?" He asks.
"Magic powers!" Super-Giant says on a whim.
"Yeah but wh-"
"Crrrhrhrhr oh sorry I'm going into a tunnel!" Super-Giant lies.
"But this is the Cave line?"
"S- I- -ant -unnel *click* phew, close one." Super-Giant says sipping his tea, because men drink tea.
ring-ring
"Oh my Cthulu! *click* Sorry I'm going into a tunnel-"
"Dude, It's The Jester and I taught you that trick. Mind-numbing Miriam has ran off with Sleaze."
"But she wants the D!"
"I know right! She's just trying to convince herself otherwise. Anyway, I need you come over and smoke some cigars with me cause I is bored."
"Can we watch Nic and Tristan Go Mega Dega?" Supe-Giant asks.
"I thought that went without saying"
"Be right there! *click*" Super-Giant leaps up and pulls up his trousers, he takes a huge gulp of his tea and then realises that its steaming hot and flaps about like a parapeligic being used as a marianet puppet.
He runs out of the cave and he takes one big step and is there. He then walks into the Underground Porn Casino (but isnt he a giant? Shut up.) He walks into The Jesters office who is sending a letter.
"Is that for Miriam?" Super-Giant asks
"Yeah." He says sounding sweet.
"What is it?"
"a picture of me doing this:
"Hi, welcome to the Andrew Show, My name is Andrew. So the other day I was standing on this bridge and I almost fell, now I was waiting for Pun-Man to save me, but no. I was saved by Doctor Fro, this is bad because black people are being allowed to be super heroes! What is this? Is this what this white world has become!?"
The Jester turns off the video. "Who the hell does this little bitch think he is!?" The Jester yells putting out his cigarrete on Spoons head.
"Wait theres more!" Super Giant yells clicking on the home page. "Jesus! Its a bunch of people wanting Dr. Fro's head...And mine! Because I am not white!"
"You act pretty white http://www.hiyoooo.com/ " He yells.
Super-Giant ignores this. "They're saying they're coming for you and Captain Mind-mash and STD man because you are sinners!" Super Giant yells
Suddenly The Jester cares "What!? Oh my god! What about Pun man!?"
"They love him." Super Giant says, this gets awkward because the Klu Klux Klan like Pun-Man.
"Lets go for them!" The Jester yells as they run out and super hero music plays https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j59mQxLL8l4 They jump into the D mobile, they drive off really fast looking mega badass as the music plays. Just listen to the music and imagine the awesome driving montage that would play. Yeah, listen to this while imagining that. You done? Okay good.
They arrive at America...And they jump out of the car. Super Giant clicks his knuckles and does his lunges, The Jester flips open the trunk of the D mobile http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh284/CTone03/Guns%20in%20movies/Narc/TrunkArsenal.jpg Oh yeah. (The music still plays by the way) The Jester cocks every gun and puts them on his persons. He then grabs the last thing in the trunk, his cigarretes and lighter, he puts one in his mouth and lights it in slow motion and the smoke is blown and its so badass that every girl within a three mile radius got inpreganted. The heroes line up in front of a church with a banner saying "Knights party meeting: invatiation only". Super Giant turns to The Jester.
"I forgot my invatation."
they walks towards the building doors. Super Giant nods at The Jester, the Jester cocks his m4 carbine and kicks open the door. "Imma go Martin Luthur King on your asses." Everyone looks terrorfied. They are all wearing the white robes. Andrew is reading a presentation on the stage, when he spots them he runs away. The Klan members stand up all holding machetes and baseball bats with pins sticking out of them. There is a badass close up on The Jester's eyes, the camera follows down to his mouth, he smirks.
Super Giant leaps over and kicks many KKK fags at one time, it is like super badass, on the other side of the church The Jester shoots a bunch of racist scum. Super Giant throws one of them into a wall and then yells "Suck the fourteenth amendment Mutha *censored by comic code*"
Suddenly Super Giant gets shocked by a cattle prod and he falls, the racist who did this lifts her hood, it is Shirley Phelps-Roper, the most hated woman on earth and The Jester's arch nemesis. "You dirty whore! How did you escape the abyss I threw you into in issue 45 of The Jester!?" The Jester yells
"I used the time fluxer that you got off O'leary as a reward after defeating Insomnia in Issue 37 of The Jester!" Shirley Phelps-Roper yells kicking Super Giant.
"How did you get it!? I destroyed it in Issue 40 of The Jester after the problem when I fought George Lucas' Neck!" The Jester yells back
"Dont you remember Issue 1 of The adventures of Shirley Phelps-Roper?"
"Why would I read that?"
"Anyway, it explains that I have the ability to see events around the world and travel there! So I stole the Time Fluxer!" Shirley Phelps-Roper says boring everyone.
"Why didnt you just go back in time and like, change the course of history?" The Jester asks
"I was suppose to do that, it was first on my list but I...Um.....Forgot....But I still have it on me so I can do it soon!" Shirley Phelps-Roper yells then she laughs cruely.
A flash of light appears and The Jester of the future appears and gives Super Giant an axe that already has blood on it. "Kill her now!" The Jester screams.
Super Giant hacks at Shirley Phelps-Ropers leg, she falls in pain and screams, she grabs the axe but before she can do anything some...Um...Magic! Hits her arm and its burns to a crisp, she screams in pain and passes out.
Dr. Fro stand there with some...Magic, glowing in his hand "You guys looked like you needed help."
"Yeah they did!" Future Jester says picking up the axe and the Time Fluxer. He disappears in a flash.
"Um" Dr, Fro murmers.
"Dont ask" Super-Giant says standing up. Suddenly loads of Klan members surround everyone, Dr. Fro gets his....Magic ready, Super Giant kicks Shirly Phelps-Roper to the side and The Jester lights a new cigarrete and cocks his Desert Eagle. Each hero fires off to a diffrent section of the Klan.
Dr. Fro grabs on Klan member and whispers into his ear "I'm dating a white chick" The member grabs his revolver and shoots himself. Then Dr. Fro shoots some...Magic...At a huge crowd of Klan members. Super Giant kicks a bunch of Klan members out the way...This is pretty easy for him to be honest. The Jester shoots a bunch of members of the Klan but then he stops, he hears a Rhotacism. He knew that Andrew was around. He leaves the battle and runs up the steps into the bell tower, he accidently knocks over a candle stick and quickly sets the lower saloon on fire. Dr. Fro and Super Giant run out and locks the door so the Klan will burn, and then they realise that The Jester is still upstairs.
The Jester hits the Fire Alarm so that the sprinklers will come on, they do but it does almost nothing, he then grabs the fire axe next to the alarm. He runs upstairs he then slows down when he see's Andrew standing there next to the bell "Your time is up." Andrew turns around (This scene is badass because 1) There is fire downstairs so it gives it a firey glow, also if they fall they die 2) The sprinklers are on so it gives that badass rain effect.)
"You think you're a threat to me? God will protect me." Andrew says.
"Dude, I dont even believe in God and I know he thinks you're an asshole." The Jester says lifting his axe.
"Are you going to use that barbaric weapon on a child?" Andrew says throwing a samurai sword at The Jester and then he pulls out his own "Let's fight like men." He says holding his own one up.
The Jester picks up his sword, he looks it up and down and throws it at Andrews feet, it hits the creaky wooden floor underneath him, Andrew falls but hold on the a pillar, he is near flames.
The Jester walks over and looks down at him.
"Please save me, I have seen the error of my ways, please I'm a child. I have a family please." Andrew cries like a pussy.
The Jester grabs his Jack Daniels from his Jack Daniels pocket and takes a sip, he then pours the rest on Andrew so that he would catch on fire, Andrew cries. "I dont have a family." The Jester says all badass like. Andrew whinces but The Jester grabs him and picks him up. "Now you know what staring into Hell is like."
Little did The Jester know that Super-Giant was standing right behind him. "Wow, that was so heroic, now let him live." but before Super-Giant could finish his speech The Jester had already begun hacking away at Andrew, he goes at him for like twenty seconds and Andrew is just a pulp of guts. "Or do that." Super Giant finishes.
They both leave the burning church which falls apart behind them, The Jester puts his hands in his pockets reaching for his cigarretes, they arnt there, instead is the Time Fluxer, he looks at Super Giant and then types in the time that he saved himself.
A flash of light appears and The Jester of the future appears and gives Super Giant an axe that already has blood on it. "Kill her now!" The Jester screams.
Super Giant hacks at Shirley Phelps-Ropers leg, she falls in pain and screams, she grabs the axe but before she can do anything some...Um...Magic! Hits her arm and its burns to a crisp, she screams in pain and passes out.
Dr. Fro stand there with some...Magic, glowing in his hand "You guys looked like you needed help."
"Yeah they did!" Future Jester says picking up the axe and the Time Fluxer. He disappears in a flash.
He re-appears where he was.
"What shall we do with the Time Fluxer?" Super Giant asks
Whaaa Cliffhanger!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FR0YwWDKJnM This plays in the background of the credits.
"With Sleaze." Spud respondes dealing cards on the blackjack table.
"They're an intem now boss" Spoon adds tipping a stripper.
"Urgh, thats disgusting" The Jester says, almost coughing up his lunch.
He is about to walk away but the realsies "That doesnt explain why they're not here"
"They've gone on holiday" says Psycho serving cocktails.
"That is disgusting!" The Jester respondes grabbing his Desert Eagle. "Hold on, who's going to assist me?"
"I'll assist you!" Spoon yells putting his hand up.
"Ew, gross" The Jester respondes.
Meanwhile in the Giant Cave Super-Giant is relaxing in his giant chair which is moulded out of rock. When a distress call comes in. "Good Gasrtis Bypass! *click* This is Super-Giant!".
"Hey, Doctor Fro here man."
"Oh hey, what seems to be the problem?" Super-Giant asks.
"What exactly is my power?" He asks.
"Magic powers!" Super-Giant says on a whim.
"Yeah but wh-"
"Crrrhrhrhr oh sorry I'm going into a tunnel!" Super-Giant lies.
"But this is the Cave line?"
"S- I- -ant -unnel *click* phew, close one." Super-Giant says sipping his tea, because men drink tea.
ring-ring
"Oh my Cthulu! *click* Sorry I'm going into a tunnel-"
"Dude, It's The Jester and I taught you that trick. Mind-numbing Miriam has ran off with Sleaze."
"But she wants the D!"
"I know right! She's just trying to convince herself otherwise. Anyway, I need you come over and smoke some cigars with me cause I is bored."
"Can we watch Nic and Tristan Go Mega Dega?" Supe-Giant asks.
"I thought that went without saying"
"Be right there! *click*" Super-Giant leaps up and pulls up his trousers, he takes a huge gulp of his tea and then realises that its steaming hot and flaps about like a parapeligic being used as a marianet puppet.
He runs out of the cave and he takes one big step and is there. He then walks into the Underground Porn Casino (but isnt he a giant? Shut up.) He walks into The Jesters office who is sending a letter.
"Is that for Miriam?" Super-Giant asks
"Yeah." He says sounding sweet.
"What is it?"
"a picture of me doing this:
"Damn, thats ice cold" Super-Giant adds
"I know right, I can be cold if I want to!" The Jesters says clicking his finger like a ghetto rat.
"Let's have some Nic and Tristan Go Mega Dega!" Super Giant yells like a lady.
"Yeah!" The Jester respondes like a lady.
After the glorious hour and a half of NATGMD Super Giant and The Jester high five.
"Yes!" Super Giant growls
"It gets better everytime!" The Jester yells
an awkward silence hit the duo.
"Now what?" Super-Giant asks
after a while The Jester has a suggestion "Oh em gee! Let's go on the KKK website!"
Super-Giant looks confused "Um. Why?"
"cause its fun to watch people being ignorant and stupid!" The Jester says going on the computer
"Oh so its like watching TheAmazingAtheist!" Super-Giant says
http://www.hiyoooo.com/ They both yell.
"wow look at this!" Super-Giant says in amazment.
"I know, shoking right?" The Jester comments
They stumble on this http://www.thomasrobb.com/andrew13022111.htm however todays episode isnt about why Maramaduke supports Minorityism. It is this"Hi, welcome to the Andrew Show, My name is Andrew. So the other day I was standing on this bridge and I almost fell, now I was waiting for Pun-Man to save me, but no. I was saved by Doctor Fro, this is bad because black people are being allowed to be super heroes! What is this? Is this what this white world has become!?"
The Jester turns off the video. "Who the hell does this little bitch think he is!?" The Jester yells putting out his cigarrete on Spoons head.
"Wait theres more!" Super Giant yells clicking on the home page. "Jesus! Its a bunch of people wanting Dr. Fro's head...And mine! Because I am not white!"
"You act pretty white http://www.hiyoooo.com/ " He yells.
Super-Giant ignores this. "They're saying they're coming for you and Captain Mind-mash and STD man because you are sinners!" Super Giant yells
Suddenly The Jester cares "What!? Oh my god! What about Pun man!?"
"They love him." Super Giant says, this gets awkward because the Klu Klux Klan like Pun-Man.
"Lets go for them!" The Jester yells as they run out and super hero music plays https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j59mQxLL8l4 They jump into the D mobile, they drive off really fast looking mega badass as the music plays. Just listen to the music and imagine the awesome driving montage that would play. Yeah, listen to this while imagining that. You done? Okay good.
They arrive at America...And they jump out of the car. Super Giant clicks his knuckles and does his lunges, The Jester flips open the trunk of the D mobile http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh284/CTone03/Guns%20in%20movies/Narc/TrunkArsenal.jpg Oh yeah. (The music still plays by the way) The Jester cocks every gun and puts them on his persons. He then grabs the last thing in the trunk, his cigarretes and lighter, he puts one in his mouth and lights it in slow motion and the smoke is blown and its so badass that every girl within a three mile radius got inpreganted. The heroes line up in front of a church with a banner saying "Knights party meeting: invatiation only". Super Giant turns to The Jester.
"I forgot my invatation."
they walks towards the building doors. Super Giant nods at The Jester, the Jester cocks his m4 carbine and kicks open the door. "Imma go Martin Luthur King on your asses." Everyone looks terrorfied. They are all wearing the white robes. Andrew is reading a presentation on the stage, when he spots them he runs away. The Klan members stand up all holding machetes and baseball bats with pins sticking out of them. There is a badass close up on The Jester's eyes, the camera follows down to his mouth, he smirks.
Super Giant leaps over and kicks many KKK fags at one time, it is like super badass, on the other side of the church The Jester shoots a bunch of racist scum. Super Giant throws one of them into a wall and then yells "Suck the fourteenth amendment Mutha *censored by comic code*"
Suddenly Super Giant gets shocked by a cattle prod and he falls, the racist who did this lifts her hood, it is Shirley Phelps-Roper, the most hated woman on earth and The Jester's arch nemesis. "You dirty whore! How did you escape the abyss I threw you into in issue 45 of The Jester!?" The Jester yells
"I used the time fluxer that you got off O'leary as a reward after defeating Insomnia in Issue 37 of The Jester!" Shirley Phelps-Roper yells kicking Super Giant.
"How did you get it!? I destroyed it in Issue 40 of The Jester after the problem when I fought George Lucas' Neck!" The Jester yells back
"Dont you remember Issue 1 of The adventures of Shirley Phelps-Roper?"
"Why would I read that?"
"Anyway, it explains that I have the ability to see events around the world and travel there! So I stole the Time Fluxer!" Shirley Phelps-Roper says boring everyone.
"Why didnt you just go back in time and like, change the course of history?" The Jester asks
"I was suppose to do that, it was first on my list but I...Um.....Forgot....But I still have it on me so I can do it soon!" Shirley Phelps-Roper yells then she laughs cruely.
A flash of light appears and The Jester of the future appears and gives Super Giant an axe that already has blood on it. "Kill her now!" The Jester screams.
Super Giant hacks at Shirley Phelps-Ropers leg, she falls in pain and screams, she grabs the axe but before she can do anything some...Um...Magic! Hits her arm and its burns to a crisp, she screams in pain and passes out.
Dr. Fro stand there with some...Magic, glowing in his hand "You guys looked like you needed help."
"Yeah they did!" Future Jester says picking up the axe and the Time Fluxer. He disappears in a flash.
"Um" Dr, Fro murmers.
"Dont ask" Super-Giant says standing up. Suddenly loads of Klan members surround everyone, Dr. Fro gets his....Magic ready, Super Giant kicks Shirly Phelps-Roper to the side and The Jester lights a new cigarrete and cocks his Desert Eagle. Each hero fires off to a diffrent section of the Klan.
Dr. Fro grabs on Klan member and whispers into his ear "I'm dating a white chick" The member grabs his revolver and shoots himself. Then Dr. Fro shoots some...Magic...At a huge crowd of Klan members. Super Giant kicks a bunch of Klan members out the way...This is pretty easy for him to be honest. The Jester shoots a bunch of members of the Klan but then he stops, he hears a Rhotacism. He knew that Andrew was around. He leaves the battle and runs up the steps into the bell tower, he accidently knocks over a candle stick and quickly sets the lower saloon on fire. Dr. Fro and Super Giant run out and locks the door so the Klan will burn, and then they realise that The Jester is still upstairs.
The Jester hits the Fire Alarm so that the sprinklers will come on, they do but it does almost nothing, he then grabs the fire axe next to the alarm. He runs upstairs he then slows down when he see's Andrew standing there next to the bell "Your time is up." Andrew turns around (This scene is badass because 1) There is fire downstairs so it gives it a firey glow, also if they fall they die 2) The sprinklers are on so it gives that badass rain effect.)
"You think you're a threat to me? God will protect me." Andrew says.
"Dude, I dont even believe in God and I know he thinks you're an asshole." The Jester says lifting his axe.
"Are you going to use that barbaric weapon on a child?" Andrew says throwing a samurai sword at The Jester and then he pulls out his own "Let's fight like men." He says holding his own one up.
The Jester picks up his sword, he looks it up and down and throws it at Andrews feet, it hits the creaky wooden floor underneath him, Andrew falls but hold on the a pillar, he is near flames.
The Jester walks over and looks down at him.
"Please save me, I have seen the error of my ways, please I'm a child. I have a family please." Andrew cries like a pussy.
The Jester grabs his Jack Daniels from his Jack Daniels pocket and takes a sip, he then pours the rest on Andrew so that he would catch on fire, Andrew cries. "I dont have a family." The Jester says all badass like. Andrew whinces but The Jester grabs him and picks him up. "Now you know what staring into Hell is like."
Little did The Jester know that Super-Giant was standing right behind him. "Wow, that was so heroic, now let him live." but before Super-Giant could finish his speech The Jester had already begun hacking away at Andrew, he goes at him for like twenty seconds and Andrew is just a pulp of guts. "Or do that." Super Giant finishes.
They both leave the burning church which falls apart behind them, The Jester puts his hands in his pockets reaching for his cigarretes, they arnt there, instead is the Time Fluxer, he looks at Super Giant and then types in the time that he saved himself.
A flash of light appears and The Jester of the future appears and gives Super Giant an axe that already has blood on it. "Kill her now!" The Jester screams.
Super Giant hacks at Shirley Phelps-Ropers leg, she falls in pain and screams, she grabs the axe but before she can do anything some...Um...Magic! Hits her arm and its burns to a crisp, she screams in pain and passes out.
Dr. Fro stand there with some...Magic, glowing in his hand "You guys looked like you needed help."
"Yeah they did!" Future Jester says picking up the axe and the Time Fluxer. He disappears in a flash.
He re-appears where he was.
"What shall we do with the Time Fluxer?" Super Giant asks
Whaaa Cliffhanger!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FR0YwWDKJnM This plays in the background of the credits.
Wednesday 17 April 2013
Don't even ask.
"Oooh what have you got there Timmy?"
"It's Fluffles the cat!"
"My goodness Timmy, what on earth will you do with that?"
"I'm gonna fuck her in the eye!"
"Timmy, what did I tell about swearing and being nice?"
"Sorry, I'm going to pleasure her in the eye."
"Still Timmy, I'm sure Fluffles doesnt want to be pleasured in the eye, because it will hurt. Also, only grown-ups are allowed to pleasure other things"
"My pee-pee is getting big and hard."
"Now Timmy, stop that."
"I cant, I'm getting sweaty just holding Fluffles."
"Put Fluffles down and go to your room."
"You used the wrong your!"
"No I didnt."
"Oh yeah, sorry."
"Anyway, where were we Timmy?"
"You were going to hold the camera while lock the doors of this nursery and burn it too the ground."
"Ah right, Hey! Wait a minute, I'm sure I was going to send you to your room?"
"No, no you werent."
"I was going to film you do this horrible act?"
"Yes, but what afterwards? What shall we do?"
"Well when we're done you just go to the shed and pulls down your dungerees and I'll decide what I do and if you complain I'm going to show you your mothers head again. You wont like that will you?"
"When can I go home?"
"When they give us the ransom."
Isnt it strange how our opinion on a person changes the more we learn about their story?
"It's Fluffles the cat!"
"My goodness Timmy, what on earth will you do with that?"
"I'm gonna fuck her in the eye!"
"Timmy, what did I tell about swearing and being nice?"
"Sorry, I'm going to pleasure her in the eye."
"Still Timmy, I'm sure Fluffles doesnt want to be pleasured in the eye, because it will hurt. Also, only grown-ups are allowed to pleasure other things"
"My pee-pee is getting big and hard."
"Now Timmy, stop that."
"I cant, I'm getting sweaty just holding Fluffles."
"Put Fluffles down and go to your room."
"You used the wrong your!"
"No I didnt."
"Oh yeah, sorry."
"Anyway, where were we Timmy?"
"You were going to hold the camera while lock the doors of this nursery and burn it too the ground."
"Ah right, Hey! Wait a minute, I'm sure I was going to send you to your room?"
"No, no you werent."
"I was going to film you do this horrible act?"
"Yes, but what afterwards? What shall we do?"
"Well when we're done you just go to the shed and pulls down your dungerees and I'll decide what I do and if you complain I'm going to show you your mothers head again. You wont like that will you?"
"When can I go home?"
"When they give us the ransom."
Isnt it strange how our opinion on a person changes the more we learn about their story?
Tuesday 16 April 2013
I am now going to crawl in a hole and pass out.
A blog about blogging?! I cant be! Well actually it can , so shut up.
Basically the last few weeks of my life have revolved around 1) Welsh work 2) Whose Line Is It Anyway? (rhetorical) 3) Something personal which only good friends know about (you know who you are and of course 4) The Jester's emotional blankness.
This saga took so much out of me, I have notes upon notes of plot twists and plot holes in which I could fill. Hours spent decided how to make the ending orgasm worthy. Days of preperation of how to reaaally annoy Miriam Parry: http://bestbitchtobitchaboutbitcheswith.blogspot.co.uk/ (also Beth blogs aswell and she's fricking cool so read their blog and they'll give you BJ's...Wait Miriam's a Christian. Marry her and then she'll give you BJ's). Anyway, this awesome Saga took so much out of me that this week will conists of pretty small blogs, at the most. I might not blog sometimes. Also I lost the first draft of part 4 which was much better than the published part 4, but oh well.
Next week I will blog bigger better and uncensored shite so wait for that and also another story will be done. The origin of The Jester.
Basically the last few weeks of my life have revolved around 1) Welsh work 2) Whose Line Is It Anyway? (rhetorical) 3) Something personal which only good friends know about (you know who you are and of course 4) The Jester's emotional blankness.
This saga took so much out of me, I have notes upon notes of plot twists and plot holes in which I could fill. Hours spent decided how to make the ending orgasm worthy. Days of preperation of how to reaaally annoy Miriam Parry: http://bestbitchtobitchaboutbitcheswith.blogspot.co.uk/ (also Beth blogs aswell and she's fricking cool so read their blog and they'll give you BJ's...Wait Miriam's a Christian. Marry her and then she'll give you BJ's). Anyway, this awesome Saga took so much out of me that this week will conists of pretty small blogs, at the most. I might not blog sometimes. Also I lost the first draft of part 4 which was much better than the published part 4, but oh well.
Next week I will blog bigger better and uncensored shite so wait for that and also another story will be done. The origin of The Jester.
Captain Mind-Mash's letter to Repressed Emotion.
In case you were wondering.
I'm going to ram my fist so hard through your stomach that the acid will leak out into your kidneys! That's not all, *censored by comic code* face! Oh no, I'm going to then put my finger through your nostrils, pull out the partition and thrust my *cencored by comic code* into it harder than a *censored by comic code* locomotive going into a tunnel. You think I'm incapable? HA. No no, I am more than capable of causing you grievous bodily harm. I can thrust my member so hard and so fast into your body that the ambulance won't know if you'd been pummelled by a jackhammer or a *cenosored by comic code* tornado! Oh it's making me salivate thinking about tearing you open like a can of sardines and feed you your own entrails as it were dinner time at the old folks home! Do you WANT to feel the chilling embrace of a person who has, many a time, ripped open the back of a woman, torn out the spine and organs with his teeth and used the skin and muscle tissue as a *censored by comic code* onesie? That night was the night I slept like a fucking baby. Speaking of babies, I once force fed some pregnant *censored by comic code* who robbed a bank. She claimed she was 'stealing to support her childs future' to which I reassured her that the babies future was in it's mothers *censored by comic code* throat! She struggled but *censored by comic code* me she was as slippery as her unborn child! Nevertheless, she received her 'special delivery'
ALL rights go to Lord Peter Helsby
ALL rights go to Lord Peter Helsby
The Jester's emotional blankness: Finale.
The team of: Super Giant, The Jester, STD man, Pun man and
Captain Mind-mash arrive at the conveniently named “generic Underground Layer
here in Mars”. To Their happiness O’Leary is found at the entrance. “Guys! Come
quick! They’re all dead!” Everyone
rushes including The Jester which is a surprise because he didn’t even ask
about the Ice Cream Sandwiches.
They enter and everyone is still alive, they are bound and
gagged but to the right of everyone is O’Leary trapped in an anti-super power
field. Everyone gets a look of confusion while the O’Leary that led them there
is laughing; he quickly morphs into Repressed Emotion “You idiots! O’Leary has
been here the whole time!” Repressed Emotion yells. “I even made up a lie about
the world history and you still fell for it!” O’Leary rolls his eyes.
“Well it doesn’t really matter seeing that we’re going to
kill you now you stupid son of a *censored by comic code*” The Jester says
pulling out his 45 magnum Desert Eagle, He takes a shot but Repressed Emotion
is wearing some sort of armour. “You fool! Bullets are superfluous to my
swallowed-sadness-armour!” Repressed Emotion laughs crawling over to his giant
computer, a force field surrounds the team and all of a sudden Repressed
Emotion shoots out a lightning bolt at Super Giant, Pun man, Captain Mind-mash,
STD man and The Jester “Hey! I can’t move!” STD man yells.
“Yes. This will prevent movement for about a minute and a
half!” Repressed Emotion says menacingly. “Why didn’t you just get one that will
stop us from moving forever?” Super
Giant asks.
“I couldn’t afford that spell” Repressed Emotion answers, he
presses a button on his dashboard, all of a sudden a force field surrounds
everyone. “This is an anti-super power field!” Repressed Emotion says being all
super evil and stuff. “Tatty bye!” He says leaving the room. All of a sudden a
gas fills the room. The intercoms goes on, it’s Repressed Emotion. “Oh my, what have we here? Oh yes, it’s pnexiouside
a poison that will kill you in twenty minutes! Again I couldn’t afford the
quick stuff...But when this comes into action. Your entrails will burn and your
organs will decay. Have fun” The Intercom turns off.
Everyone looks around. This is it. This is the end (well
obviously not but its fun to be intense which brings me to another point, why
in the Star Wars prequels did they bother making Obi Wan Kenobi have near-death
situations, we all know he won’t die. Use those scenes with people who we don’t
see in the originals! Anyway I’m getting off track). The Jester begins to panic
“Don’t just stand there O’Leary! If it wasn’t for you getting your ass
kidnapped this never would have happened!”
“Hold on I’m thinking” O’Leary responds “Yes...Yes I know
about pnexiouside, it is a very rare element that has one thing that can
counteract it.”
“For the love of god tell us!” STD man says.
“It’s quite vulgar” O’Leary says.
Captain Mind-mash gives him a look of “Are you kidding me”.
“Well it’s...It’s queef.”
Everyone looks at Mind-numbing Miriam. She spits out her
gag, “No way.” She says.
The spell wares off so The Jester goes around and un-ties
her. “Miriam please listen to reason!” O’Leary says. (I would make a reference
here but only Tom would get it.
“There is no way I am queefing!” Mind Numbing Miriam says,
desperate for the D.
“Miriam! I don’t want to die and I’m pretty sure you don’t want
to either. So for god sake! Grow some balls and queef!” Says The Jester.
“How can I queef if I had balls?” Mind-numbing Miriam says,
dry mouthed for the D.
“Just. Queef.” The Jester says, holding in his rage...And
his D.
Min-numbing Miriam looks around “Why can’t they do it?” She
says pointing at The Jesters sisters.
“They’re too young.” O’Leary adds.
Mind-numbing Miriam looks around. She has no choice other
than to queef. “Okay, two conditions!”
Everyone nods. “One, you must turn around. Two, you tell no
one!” Everyone agrees (although we all know The Jester will tell anyone he
meets.) And alas, she queefs, she queefs again, and again and again and again
until the whole room is full of the smell of...You guessed it queef. (Hi I’m 16
years old).
Everyone turns around and looks at Miriam with a look of
disgust. “You told me to do it!” Miriam says defensively, needing the D. O’Leary
grabs the intercom while the other guys untie the sisters.
“Hey we’re still
alive, thanks to the magic of knowledge.” The pounding sounds of footsteps are heard as
Repressed Emotion storms in. “You idiots! What have you done! Do you have any
idea how rare that was! You’re all dead!”
“How? You have a force field to prevent your actions?” Pun
Man asks.
Without thinking Repressed Emotion turns off the force
field.
“Wait, can I have one final word?” Pun Man requests.
“Very well” Repressed Emotions replies.
“Looks like you were FORCED into this situation!” Pun-Man
says pointing and clicking his fingers.
Repressed Emotion flies back like Pun-Man just used the
force.
“I guys you could says this isn’t SUPER!” He says again,
Repressed Emotion flies back again.
Super Giant grabs Repressed Emotion like an American football
“Blue thirty two, blue Thirty two, hut-hut!” He yells throwing Repressed
Emotion into his mother board thus shocking him and impaling him with shards of
glass and metal and plastic. He falls, Mind-numbing Miriam skips over to him “See
they made me queef and after I did they just treated me liken3rhghgoghohgo4gh4g”
She Mind-numbs. “Ah god! Make it stop!” Repressed Emotion yells, he attempts to
get up but O’Leary and Super Liz are holding him down with their minds. STD man
wanders over and touches Repressed Emotion’s arm, “Gonorrhoea.” He says.
Captain Mind Mash tip toes over with a note that has been in his pocket for
this whole time. He hands it too Repressed Emotion, he quickly reads. All of
sudden Repressed Emotion violently vomits blood all over himself for about five
minutes, when he is done Happy Hattie and MADdeline open up his protective
chest plate. The Jester aims his gun directly at the heart. “Stay repressed.”
The Jester says with a badass close up. He fires twenty shots into Repressed
Emotions heart.
Everyone dances with glee. “We did it!” The Jester yells in
happiness. “You saved me” Mind-numbing Miriam says cunningly. “I came for the
Ice Cream Sandwiches.” The Jester responds
“Oh yeah then why didn’t you save them?” the Ice Cream
Sandwiches have melted. “You untied me...But you let them melt!” The Jester is
at a loss for words but then “Ew! Get away from me you queefer.” Mind-numbing
Miriam just shakes her head and walks away to celebrate with the others.
But Repressed Emotion subtly grabs The Jesters gun and
shoots him in the leg. “Ah!” He falls in pain.
Repressed Emotion then morphs, he grows triple in size and
grows nine more extra limbs, he re-applies his armour. He voice booms all
monster like “Now, feel the wrath of Repressed Emotion!” A football suddenly
hits Repressed Emotions head; however this ball is made of metal and has
spikes. It sticks in his head “Who kicked that!” He screams in anger. It’s The Jester’s dad http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30tIIV2RoX0
He says being all badass. Miriam creams.
William jumps over to Repressed Emotion, Repressed Emotion
takes a swing at him but he ducks, he quickly whips out his dark purple
lightsaber and lobs off Repressed Emotions limbs. “Arrghh” He screams. William
puts away his lightsaber and spins out a beauty of a guitar. Cranium steel and
Copper boy appear out of nowhere and drool. William plays a moist riff http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQPY0Lt1bds
. STD man creams.
Repressed Emotion grabs a sharp piece of metal from his back
and stabs Williams through the gut with it. “No!” The Jester yells in horror.
Before William falls he rips off Repressed Emotions head and
throws it. Repressed Emotion dies and William falls. Captain Mind-mash jumps
Repressed Emotions body.
The Jester quickly runs up to him crying. He holds him in
his arms. “No William, please don’t die, please I only just got a dad please don’t
leave me” Everyone surrounds them and Super Giant places his hand on his
shoulder.
“Y-You were such a hero Jacob.” The Jester breaks down
crying “I-I am so proud of you, you did so well. I had no idea that you were so
powerful, I know you consider yourself evil, but your *coughs blood* tops in my
book. No matter what anyone says my boy” He holds The Jesters hand and looks
deeply into his eyes. “You’re a hero to me, I love you son.” William dies. The
Jester bows his head in sadness and cries. Everyone comforts The Jester.
After awhile the gates open and the team leave. “So, back to
my place for punch and pie?” Captain Mind-mash asks. “What about the Jester?” Pun-Man
whispers.
“I’ll be fine.” He comments, Super-Giant hits Pun-Man on the
back of the head. “I’m gonna catch the
next one.”
“Do you need company?” Mind-numbing Miriam asks.
“No.” The Jester responds walking away.
“I’ll never understand him” She comments.
Super Giant responds “I don’t think it’s a matter of
understanding, I think its more tolerance. Remember that The Jesters life is
more twisted and wrong as Captain mind-mash’s fantasies. It’s amazing he hasn’t
done himself in yet. In a lot of ways The Jester is an anti-hero or even worst;
a villain, but in more ways than not...He’s a hero. And a damn good one at that,
every now and again people need to just remember that The Jester isn’t really a
superhero, nor does he have awesome gadgets. He’s just had enough crappy stuff
happen to him that he wants to prevent anyone else from going through it, and
because of that. He’s more of a hero than we’ll ever be.”
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