Domestic Violence is an investment in good appearance.
Delicious and refreshing, Genocide.
Crabs good to forget.
Night or day, Transgenderism is your way.
anal discharge is the World famous for quality.
Be young, have fun, taste child sex slavery. (I swear to god I didnt make this up)
Animal Abuse so good you want it again.
school shootings is good for the nerves.
Light as a breeze, soft as child abduction.
I'd walk a mile for HIV .
Feel the spirit of urinary track infection.
Strength, safety, style, amputee rape.
Start the day right with terrorism.
underground slave trafficing makes the world go round.
If Jesus was here, he would go for death riots.
Famine your flavour.
pestilence for everyday, everywhere.
The greatest reason of all is Nuclear war.
I'm going to hell XD
oh wait...
All you need is eternal damnation.
Tuesday 30 April 2013
philosophy. (It's that simple)
Oh em gee! double-u tea eff!? Two blogs in one night, arnt you lucky?
Look, I'm not looking for a debate, I'm not here to argue my case for even say that there is or isnt a God. I'm just here to say what I believe:
Right, I like to think of myself as a simplicist. Basically my philosophy is dead simple. "If it doesnt harm anyone or yourself. Do it." and people always like to over-complicate things with "Yeah but that is too simple!" No its not. It works for any situation. ANY! This is a peacefull and simple philosophy and I dare you to try and poke holes in it. People just have this ridiculous idea that choosing a philosophy should be complex and life changing. It doesnt have to be, as me and Ulysses agreed, the best thing for you to do is not think about whether there is or isnt a God or whether there is a reason to life, because it will ironically ruin your life.
Now along with the "If it feels good, do it" sort of philosophy I am also an absurdist, I feel that a lot of the bullshit between the vagina and the grave is that...Bullshit. So enjoy it, dont end it early and sont ruin other peoples short time on earth. It's that simple. No no! It is.
Now the touchy subject of G.O.D. *gasp*. I am an Atheist, I am not an Agnostic or Apethetic. I just plain and simple believe in God in the same way I dont believe in fairies, I have nothing againts relgion or people who follow a certain religion as-long as those belifes dont impact the happiness of others, which is caused me to have a handfull of relgious friends, because of my easy going Atheist nature. Having said this I do feel Atheism is being oppressed, which is wrong. So is repressing any philosophy, but I feel it would be hypocritical for me to defend relgions I dont believe.
For example, why is it okay for relgious people to bombared Atheist songs on youtube because its full of hate (even if it doesnt have hate, which they dont) but if we complain about a religious song (which we dont) we get abuse for hating. Waddafuq?
But again, I'm not looking for theological debates.
Having said all this it is a dick-move to abuse someone for their relgious views. I will post atheist things on my facebook wall because its my views and if you dont like it, you can un-friend me. But I will never comment on a jesus-loving status with hate because thats fucked up, the same way as I wont pray in assembly because its a house of learning not religion, however if I go to the dodgeball thing on Fridays which is run by a church (so they're relgious) I will pray with them, and I will keep my mouth shut because I am their guest. The same thing goes when I get forced to go to church on Christmas because of my relgious family. I will pray and keep my mouth shut because I am not a hypocrit.
And you wanna hear something weird? Jesus is one of my insperations.
That's right. Althought I dont believe he was the son of God or even that he existed. I do believe that what he spoke of in the new testement was true and good. (No so much old testement) but I view it the same way that...Holden Caulfield is an insperation to me.
A fictional character who holds qualities which are close to my heart.
Jesus is a good role-model like Indiana Jones is.
Look, I'm not looking for a debate, I'm not here to argue my case for even say that there is or isnt a God. I'm just here to say what I believe:
Right, I like to think of myself as a simplicist. Basically my philosophy is dead simple. "If it doesnt harm anyone or yourself. Do it." and people always like to over-complicate things with "Yeah but that is too simple!" No its not. It works for any situation. ANY! This is a peacefull and simple philosophy and I dare you to try and poke holes in it. People just have this ridiculous idea that choosing a philosophy should be complex and life changing. It doesnt have to be, as me and Ulysses agreed, the best thing for you to do is not think about whether there is or isnt a God or whether there is a reason to life, because it will ironically ruin your life.
Now along with the "If it feels good, do it" sort of philosophy I am also an absurdist, I feel that a lot of the bullshit between the vagina and the grave is that...Bullshit. So enjoy it, dont end it early and sont ruin other peoples short time on earth. It's that simple. No no! It is.
Now the touchy subject of G.O.D. *gasp*. I am an Atheist, I am not an Agnostic or Apethetic. I just plain and simple believe in God in the same way I dont believe in fairies, I have nothing againts relgion or people who follow a certain religion as-long as those belifes dont impact the happiness of others, which is caused me to have a handfull of relgious friends, because of my easy going Atheist nature. Having said this I do feel Atheism is being oppressed, which is wrong. So is repressing any philosophy, but I feel it would be hypocritical for me to defend relgions I dont believe.
For example, why is it okay for relgious people to bombared Atheist songs on youtube because its full of hate (even if it doesnt have hate, which they dont) but if we complain about a religious song (which we dont) we get abuse for hating. Waddafuq?
But again, I'm not looking for theological debates.
Having said all this it is a dick-move to abuse someone for their relgious views. I will post atheist things on my facebook wall because its my views and if you dont like it, you can un-friend me. But I will never comment on a jesus-loving status with hate because thats fucked up, the same way as I wont pray in assembly because its a house of learning not religion, however if I go to the dodgeball thing on Fridays which is run by a church (so they're relgious) I will pray with them, and I will keep my mouth shut because I am their guest. The same thing goes when I get forced to go to church on Christmas because of my relgious family. I will pray and keep my mouth shut because I am not a hypocrit.
And you wanna hear something weird? Jesus is one of my insperations.
That's right. Althought I dont believe he was the son of God or even that he existed. I do believe that what he spoke of in the new testement was true and good. (No so much old testement) but I view it the same way that...Holden Caulfield is an insperation to me.
A fictional character who holds qualities which are close to my heart.
Jesus is a good role-model like Indiana Jones is.
Good-bye guys (Leaving Creuddyn)
Right, how do I do this without getting upset...Well listening to Angie- Rolling Stones isnt a good start is it?
Anyway, so on Friday I will be going through the last REAL day of school (not including R.O.A. and the exams) which orginally excited me because I hate a lot of my year. But then rather then looking at the negative I looked at the positive and thought of all the cool folk who I wont see (too much to list and plus if I forget someone I'll feel evil) and it really got me, "Oh shit, this is it." All these friends I spent so long getting who I genuinly like although I say I dont. So this is going to be a huge blog.
In year seven I was nervous...Very nervous, in my primary school I was king, I was worshipped because of my badass-ness and the fact that I didnt take shit from anyone, it condemmed in year 7 and in secondary school in general. I arrived with three friends: Curtis, Uly, Tomos who were in my primary and are honestly my best friends. I made a mission for me to be the kind again, in doing this I became a swag-fag (before the term showed up) I pretended to love pop and hip hop, I dressed like a twat and I would make a fool out of myself. This didnt work, everyone hated me and I got bullied (boo-hoo I know, I'm not complaining everyone got bullied.) So I thought being the dumb 11 year old I was that the best thing to do was to ditch my friends and find some new ones. I screwed my friends over like royal and caught two more, Let's call em': Pack and Ponathan. There liked me cause I did the stupud stuff they were afraid to do. These guys were my bullies mind you, and through them I became a bully aswell. I bullied my friends from primary, I regret this choice to this day.
Anyway, In my form class I had Pack as a friend who didnt even sit on my table, on my table was Parlie Parmichael, Pesse and Piam. Piam was a prick, was? Sorry is a prick. He was one of the worst bullies, Pesse was his accomplice, he was like Wormtounge in LOTR. And although they abused me, I wanted to be their friend. Pathetic right? Actually no, I was eleven, cut me some slack.
So through litrally pestering I became friends with Ponathan, Pack, Pesse and Piam and through no fault of my own I became friends with Pen. Pesse's friend.
They liked me because I was a joke.
In year 8 I earned the respect of my class-mates and I had my friend crowd (who I would cheat with reguarly with the "nerds" who I was ashamed of at the time) But like I said they liked me because I was the guy who they could persuade to do stuff that would get me in trouble. Girls still cringed at the thought of me of course. Anyway, half way through the year I pissed in a bottle, and simply because Pack asked me to I poured it on Pen's head (which I later learned was infact just) but anyway, I got suspended and I had never felt so low, my mother was so ashamed and then I was ashamed, so much. However after a deep chat with my father I was reborn. I didnt do things that were stupid because I was afraid of losing friends (F.Y.I. Piam had left our friends group for the footballers) So my friends became less and less intrested. And I had lost Ulysses because I was a prick in year 7 and most of primary, Curtis had started hanging out with his church friends and Tom...Well thinking about it Tom was always there for me, I lost the respect of my year because of the suspention. I was alone. I was utterly alone. Althought I hadnt felt lonliness like I did un year 9...But we'll get to that later. Anyway at the end of year 8 I found out that I was going to a totally diffrent form class which was sort of a hybrid class with people from all over in it. I was eleven again. Nervous.
Here comes year 9. When I went into year 9 The only friend in my class I had was Pen, the others were as good as strangers. So the first few months were spent with me sort of clutching on Pen; afraid of mainly attractive girls. And then it happend, I would never be the same again. I saw Louise, who was (and still is mind you) increadably beautiful and I went head over heels straight away, I had fancied girls in the past but not like this. Anyway, after like six months of being a pussy I plucked up the courage to ask her out. And she said yes, I didnt believe it, I was so insecure and my self esteem was so low that I spent most of those two months being in total and utter paranoya that she would leave me. Which caused me to be the worst boyfriend ever. She dumped me. And boy was a crushed. She was the first (and so far, only) girl I had ever loved, and I would of done anything for her and no matter how much I begged a pleaded to get back with her, she wouldent (of course not, I was a shite boyfriend) this lead me to go into what I think now was probaly depression which made me get very, very, very mean, I worst I've ever mean. I cant believe half of the shady things I did and when I came to my senses I couldent believe what I did. I didnt speak to her for months after that, possibly half a year. And it crushed me because, even to this day she knows me more than anyone else does. At this point be and Ulysses still werent totally friends, we were just neutral. I started to get sick of my friends group and all of Louise's friends (which was the whole year) hated my guts. I was at the peek of my lonliness. Although I never continplated suicide or self harmed!
In year 10 I decided to patch shit up with Louise, and we did. And now she is probaly one of my best friends and she will always be my first love and she will always be in my heart, and I guess in one way I'll always love her. Damn emotions. Anyway in year 10 I became friends with Ulysses again and I made some really new friends who turned out to be boss. And I became who I am today.
Now year 11 was full of mostly good shit. I am friends with people who I like, people who hate me I hate back. And only recently I have grown a bitter hatred for my old friends crowd. Who I now avoid at all costs, I have a very peacefull and nice relationship with my ex girlfriend. I have the best friends a cynical prick could ask for and I know I wont lose them. So when I really think about it, I'm back where I started. The same nerd crowd that I love, no girlfriend, a geek myself and into some good old rock n' roll. All thats diffrent is life experiance that I wont regret getting. So I am pleased with myself and what I did, even the shit stuff, because without that I wouldent be what I am today...A badass mother fucker. Girlfriends? Not currently, although the goggles are on and locked on but thats all I'll say: To quote Frank Turner "Everybody around here has been out with everybody else, so talking to girls is hazzerdous to my health"
The only thing that sucks is that I dont have an extra six months of year eleven to hang out with the badass mother fuckers I have become friends with. And possibly give a girl the gift of the best boyfriend ever? Ah well, such is life.
The future? Isnt for me to decide I would just like to thank these people:
Curtis: For being my brother through out all of primary and secondary. We'll be friends forever brah, no doubt, your still going to live with me and Jennifer Connelly when we get married dude!
Ulysses: For letting me rant and just for being the Moss to my Roy, The Mitchell to my Webb...The....Um...Tom to my Jerry, for being the Wing-man (although you fuck up royal) and for being as loud and obnoxious as me...Oh and for being Mega-Dega.
Tomos: You sir, where do I begin? Your my punching bag and my white knight. When I'm annoyed and I want someone to cheer me up, you're there with you unfunny puns. And the thing is...you've always been there, probaly because you didnt notice anything happend.
Beth: Dude, no one has listened to my bull-shit as much as you have and even when everyone turned againts me you listened to my story and you convinced me to so the right thing. You so totally rule.
Nerds of the hill: You guys frickin rock dont let anyone tell you diffrently!
So with that I say good-bye to you fellas. Oh and in my intro I said I'd have a sighn off thing, so um....See you in your dreams.
Anyway, so on Friday I will be going through the last REAL day of school (not including R.O.A. and the exams) which orginally excited me because I hate a lot of my year. But then rather then looking at the negative I looked at the positive and thought of all the cool folk who I wont see (too much to list and plus if I forget someone I'll feel evil) and it really got me, "Oh shit, this is it." All these friends I spent so long getting who I genuinly like although I say I dont. So this is going to be a huge blog.
In year seven I was nervous...Very nervous, in my primary school I was king, I was worshipped because of my badass-ness and the fact that I didnt take shit from anyone, it condemmed in year 7 and in secondary school in general. I arrived with three friends: Curtis, Uly, Tomos who were in my primary and are honestly my best friends. I made a mission for me to be the kind again, in doing this I became a swag-fag (before the term showed up) I pretended to love pop and hip hop, I dressed like a twat and I would make a fool out of myself. This didnt work, everyone hated me and I got bullied (boo-hoo I know, I'm not complaining everyone got bullied.) So I thought being the dumb 11 year old I was that the best thing to do was to ditch my friends and find some new ones. I screwed my friends over like royal and caught two more, Let's call em': Pack and Ponathan. There liked me cause I did the stupud stuff they were afraid to do. These guys were my bullies mind you, and through them I became a bully aswell. I bullied my friends from primary, I regret this choice to this day.
Anyway, In my form class I had Pack as a friend who didnt even sit on my table, on my table was Parlie Parmichael, Pesse and Piam. Piam was a prick, was? Sorry is a prick. He was one of the worst bullies, Pesse was his accomplice, he was like Wormtounge in LOTR. And although they abused me, I wanted to be their friend. Pathetic right? Actually no, I was eleven, cut me some slack.
So through litrally pestering I became friends with Ponathan, Pack, Pesse and Piam and through no fault of my own I became friends with Pen. Pesse's friend.
They liked me because I was a joke.
In year 8 I earned the respect of my class-mates and I had my friend crowd (who I would cheat with reguarly with the "nerds" who I was ashamed of at the time) But like I said they liked me because I was the guy who they could persuade to do stuff that would get me in trouble. Girls still cringed at the thought of me of course. Anyway, half way through the year I pissed in a bottle, and simply because Pack asked me to I poured it on Pen's head (which I later learned was infact just) but anyway, I got suspended and I had never felt so low, my mother was so ashamed and then I was ashamed, so much. However after a deep chat with my father I was reborn. I didnt do things that were stupid because I was afraid of losing friends (F.Y.I. Piam had left our friends group for the footballers) So my friends became less and less intrested. And I had lost Ulysses because I was a prick in year 7 and most of primary, Curtis had started hanging out with his church friends and Tom...Well thinking about it Tom was always there for me, I lost the respect of my year because of the suspention. I was alone. I was utterly alone. Althought I hadnt felt lonliness like I did un year 9...But we'll get to that later. Anyway at the end of year 8 I found out that I was going to a totally diffrent form class which was sort of a hybrid class with people from all over in it. I was eleven again. Nervous.
Here comes year 9. When I went into year 9 The only friend in my class I had was Pen, the others were as good as strangers. So the first few months were spent with me sort of clutching on Pen; afraid of mainly attractive girls. And then it happend, I would never be the same again. I saw Louise, who was (and still is mind you) increadably beautiful and I went head over heels straight away, I had fancied girls in the past but not like this. Anyway, after like six months of being a pussy I plucked up the courage to ask her out. And she said yes, I didnt believe it, I was so insecure and my self esteem was so low that I spent most of those two months being in total and utter paranoya that she would leave me. Which caused me to be the worst boyfriend ever. She dumped me. And boy was a crushed. She was the first (and so far, only) girl I had ever loved, and I would of done anything for her and no matter how much I begged a pleaded to get back with her, she wouldent (of course not, I was a shite boyfriend) this lead me to go into what I think now was probaly depression which made me get very, very, very mean, I worst I've ever mean. I cant believe half of the shady things I did and when I came to my senses I couldent believe what I did. I didnt speak to her for months after that, possibly half a year. And it crushed me because, even to this day she knows me more than anyone else does. At this point be and Ulysses still werent totally friends, we were just neutral. I started to get sick of my friends group and all of Louise's friends (which was the whole year) hated my guts. I was at the peek of my lonliness. Although I never continplated suicide or self harmed!
In year 10 I decided to patch shit up with Louise, and we did. And now she is probaly one of my best friends and she will always be my first love and she will always be in my heart, and I guess in one way I'll always love her. Damn emotions. Anyway in year 10 I became friends with Ulysses again and I made some really new friends who turned out to be boss. And I became who I am today.
Now year 11 was full of mostly good shit. I am friends with people who I like, people who hate me I hate back. And only recently I have grown a bitter hatred for my old friends crowd. Who I now avoid at all costs, I have a very peacefull and nice relationship with my ex girlfriend. I have the best friends a cynical prick could ask for and I know I wont lose them. So when I really think about it, I'm back where I started. The same nerd crowd that I love, no girlfriend, a geek myself and into some good old rock n' roll. All thats diffrent is life experiance that I wont regret getting. So I am pleased with myself and what I did, even the shit stuff, because without that I wouldent be what I am today...A badass mother fucker. Girlfriends? Not currently, although the goggles are on and locked on but thats all I'll say: To quote Frank Turner "Everybody around here has been out with everybody else, so talking to girls is hazzerdous to my health"
The only thing that sucks is that I dont have an extra six months of year eleven to hang out with the badass mother fuckers I have become friends with. And possibly give a girl the gift of the best boyfriend ever? Ah well, such is life.
The future? Isnt for me to decide I would just like to thank these people:
Curtis: For being my brother through out all of primary and secondary. We'll be friends forever brah, no doubt, your still going to live with me and Jennifer Connelly when we get married dude!
Ulysses: For letting me rant and just for being the Moss to my Roy, The Mitchell to my Webb...The....Um...Tom to my Jerry, for being the Wing-man (although you fuck up royal) and for being as loud and obnoxious as me...Oh and for being Mega-Dega.
Tomos: You sir, where do I begin? Your my punching bag and my white knight. When I'm annoyed and I want someone to cheer me up, you're there with you unfunny puns. And the thing is...you've always been there, probaly because you didnt notice anything happend.
Beth: Dude, no one has listened to my bull-shit as much as you have and even when everyone turned againts me you listened to my story and you convinced me to so the right thing. You so totally rule.
Nerds of the hill: You guys frickin rock dont let anyone tell you diffrently!
So with that I say good-bye to you fellas. Oh and in my intro I said I'd have a sighn off thing, so um....See you in your dreams.
Monday 29 April 2013
(short blog) Hi Russians.
So being all selfish and shit I was looking at my stats and although most of my fans are my friends I realised that I have quite a few fans from Russia! It's probaly because of my left-winged attitude and the fact that they're president is badass like me.
Anyway: Привет русским, простите меня, если мой акцент немного от, это онлайн-трансляции мы говорим здесь не так ли? Прав ли я? Во всяком случае, спасибо за чтение моего блога, вы, ребята, именно потому, что вы даже не знаете меня, но ты меня нашел развлекательных почему-то, так что спасибо матушке-России! Надеюсь, вам понравится ваше коммунизма и водку и ваш ... снег, а что нет, я сожалею, что не знаю много о России, не есть обалденная там людей, которые читали мое дерьмо! Звери Англии, Ирландии зверей и все, что ерунда. Увидимся позже русскими парнями.
for those of my fans who arnt Russian...Google Translate.
Anyway: Привет русским, простите меня, если мой акцент немного от, это онлайн-трансляции мы говорим здесь не так ли? Прав ли я? Во всяком случае, спасибо за чтение моего блога, вы, ребята, именно потому, что вы даже не знаете меня, но ты меня нашел развлекательных почему-то, так что спасибо матушке-России! Надеюсь, вам понравится ваше коммунизма и водку и ваш ... снег, а что нет, я сожалею, что не знаю много о России, не есть обалденная там людей, которые читали мое дерьмо! Звери Англии, Ирландии зверей и все, что ерунда. Увидимся позже русскими парнями.
for those of my fans who arnt Russian...Google Translate.
Things they dont teach you in school.
Hi, I am here to educate you on things that they didnt teach you in school (Jacob edition because I'm sure someone will do one of these or has already done this)
peace dudes, im off.
- Jacob/Everything makes me sick/ Three-legged-dog or my new title The expendable guy friend.
- School is a lie: firstly the teachers and other student who are older than you will constantly pump you fear (like the media) and tell you "Don't fuck up now, because if you fuck up now you're going to be a fuck up forever" althought I understand why they do this; its too risky to tell students "Y'know you might be a sucsess without doing well in school." Having said that they still shouldent say "DO ET RIGHT OR YOU GONNA BE A HOMELESS MAN!" They also tell you that every single thing that you want to be wont happen. And they dont even tell you subtly, they honestly go "You want to get into media? Ha! Not gonna happen look for a desk job in an insurance company."
- People are stupid and you shouldent care: Although it is "socially acceptable" to be nice to everyone, some people need to be told to shut the fuck up, I am currently telling people that I fucking hate them. Because they cant take hints. You shouldent care about peoples feelings if those people are dick-holes.
- Burning piss isnt always a bad thing: Every now and again pee will sting and we panic. We shouldent.
- (most importantly) everything between your birth and death is irrevelant. So you should just so totally have a good time. That doesnt mean you should make your life even shorter, thats stupid. Just dont try and please a dude who doesnt even exist. Dont try and impress people who arnt important to you, dont waste your time trying to buy the new Iphone. Dont take time to make sure that you dont offend anyone and make sure that no one hates you and most importantly dont apoligise for something you dont regret.
peace dudes, im off.
- Jacob/Everything makes me sick/ Three-legged-dog or my new title The expendable guy friend.
Sunday 28 April 2013
It's time for some personal reflection! Oh yay!
So on Friday I went down to the beach with my good friend Ulysses and some guy called Tomos, I'm kidding he is also a good friend. Now me and Ulysses will constantly go for walks and talk about shit that is very trivial but we make out its a lot more intresting than it is.
Anyway so for the first time a new person was involved in our chat-walks, Tom. Which I am fine with because without realising Tom knows all of my intimate secrets; which is what makes him great, he never brings them up to the point when I didnt even notice that he knew. So we reached the beach and we sat outside Ulysses' "shed" as Tom called it, and we talked and drank hot drinks, when Ulysses (being the big personality he is) saw two kids who went to primary school with us and one new one and decided to go over and talk to them. Tom was reluctant at first.
Anyway, seeing that me and Ulysses are totally self indulged and selfish we filled two hours in telling them what the last five years of our lives were, and if you know us...You know this was quite a mouth full. I cant speak for Ulysses, but chatting about how "hard" and "over-whealming" my life is made me realise thatit isnt. What so ever. Yeah I got shit throw at my face in my life time. But its nothing when I re-tell it, it sounds fucking whiny, so first thing is I want to apoligise to people who've had to listen to me whine in self pity. I can promise it wont happen again...Unless, y'know...It's called for.
So what have I learnt. I've learnt not to whine about how diffiult my life was cause it was pretty fuckin' easy. No real bad shit happend, only shit that has happend to other people in the past, I'm not special enough to complain. Another thing is for me to prioritise my life, The friends I want to keep will stay; The people who I walk on the beach with and talk for hours, the people who let me say that I "hate" them and laugh it off because they know I'm joking, the friends who I can just call up and I say "Wanna hang out?" and the anwser is always "yes" if they're not busy, the friends who can tell about any emotions I feel because I know I can trust them. The people who I only talk to online but we can say the most fucked up shit to each other and it doesnt matter. The friends who know exactly what book would intrested my fucked up little brain. You know who you are.
And the people who put me down, who make me feel small, who accuse me of shit which if they knew me well enough would know is totally out of character, who have totally diffrent views and values. Arnt worht Jack-shit. Thus I want to correct one of my seven flaws, for I dont get sick of people easy...I get sick of pricks easy, most of friends right now I will stay friends with 'till the end. The others can quite frankly fuck themselves. And y'know what, I dont give a fuck what these pricks think, because I have the coolest fucking friends in the world, and I have a fucking easy life, so why I should I complain?
wow that was lame. I just hoped that the friends I refranced in here know its them I'm talking about.
Anyway so for the first time a new person was involved in our chat-walks, Tom. Which I am fine with because without realising Tom knows all of my intimate secrets; which is what makes him great, he never brings them up to the point when I didnt even notice that he knew. So we reached the beach and we sat outside Ulysses' "shed" as Tom called it, and we talked and drank hot drinks, when Ulysses (being the big personality he is) saw two kids who went to primary school with us and one new one and decided to go over and talk to them. Tom was reluctant at first.
Anyway, seeing that me and Ulysses are totally self indulged and selfish we filled two hours in telling them what the last five years of our lives were, and if you know us...You know this was quite a mouth full. I cant speak for Ulysses, but chatting about how "hard" and "over-whealming" my life is made me realise thatit isnt. What so ever. Yeah I got shit throw at my face in my life time. But its nothing when I re-tell it, it sounds fucking whiny, so first thing is I want to apoligise to people who've had to listen to me whine in self pity. I can promise it wont happen again...Unless, y'know...It's called for.
So what have I learnt. I've learnt not to whine about how diffiult my life was cause it was pretty fuckin' easy. No real bad shit happend, only shit that has happend to other people in the past, I'm not special enough to complain. Another thing is for me to prioritise my life, The friends I want to keep will stay; The people who I walk on the beach with and talk for hours, the people who let me say that I "hate" them and laugh it off because they know I'm joking, the friends who I can just call up and I say "Wanna hang out?" and the anwser is always "yes" if they're not busy, the friends who can tell about any emotions I feel because I know I can trust them. The people who I only talk to online but we can say the most fucked up shit to each other and it doesnt matter. The friends who know exactly what book would intrested my fucked up little brain. You know who you are.
And the people who put me down, who make me feel small, who accuse me of shit which if they knew me well enough would know is totally out of character, who have totally diffrent views and values. Arnt worht Jack-shit. Thus I want to correct one of my seven flaws, for I dont get sick of people easy...I get sick of pricks easy, most of friends right now I will stay friends with 'till the end. The others can quite frankly fuck themselves. And y'know what, I dont give a fuck what these pricks think, because I have the coolest fucking friends in the world, and I have a fucking easy life, so why I should I complain?
wow that was lame. I just hoped that the friends I refranced in here know its them I'm talking about.
Friday 26 April 2013
7 flaws of Jacob Williams (Everything makes me sick)
This is based on TomSka's (or his second channel actually) video "7 flaws of Tomska" In which he listed his flaws to stop his haters finding them themselves, but there is no point to this other than that I need to blog and I think its important that you know this now rather than you finding them out yourselves.
1) I am a dirty liar: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I could in fact be a compulsive liar, I just lie about shit that isnt worth lying about, I would never lie about shit that is serious, in fact thats another flaw (see flaw 3) I would never lie about a family or personal matter, or anything that would upset or impact someone, but I will just lie about something that is totally not worth lying about, I was worst as a kid as Ulysses could vouche for, I would just lie...All the time, I've managed to create a fillter but stuff still slip through, its usually just small comments that are just total and utter lies, they just come out in little outbursts like tourettes and then I'm like "Why did I just say that?", this means I cant hold down a friend for a long time because people just get sick of my lies.
2) I am physically repulsive: Let's just women whince at my sight, I am overweight, I have bad teeth, bad hair, disapointing facial hair and even more disapointing body hair. I sweat more than a donkey does in the desert thus making me smell more than most people, something that most people have noticed.
3) I am super insensitive: I simply dont care about most peoples feelings because when people are sad its usually short term and they'll get over it, i'll be sensitive about stuff that isnt to joke about, but if someone is offended by something I said I just dont give no fucks because I dont care about their feelings, horrible I know. I also dont get upset a lot and I am not in the slightest romantic, I just find emotions as hurdles to get over sometimes because they get in the way of people doing what they want, however I do make a point not to repress my emotions, if I am sad and want to cry, I will. I just never want to, I guess I just dont feel like I deserve to be sad most of the time, sue me.
4) I hate stupidity: I am tolerate with most things besides stupidity, when most people see ignorance on the internet, they laugh it off because its not worth it, which is true, its the right way to responde. I however lose it and I get really annoyed, I'm all like "Read a fucking book!". And everyone is like, dude chill. He's just an idiot, And im like "Graaargh!"
5) I am very controlling: with stuff I care about I get very controlling about it and I dont let anyone mess with my plan, for example me and Ulysses' film project, if people waste time I might just go ape shit, which is why its Uly's job to make sure people dont fuck about.
6) I get bored of people easily: most people when they spend a lot of time with someone get very annoyed and sick of that person and they leave them for a while and when they come back they're best buds again. Me on the other hand? Unless you're very special to me, I will get sick of you and I will fase you out until you leave my life. Insensitive? (see flaw 3) I just cant be bothered wasting time with people who I dont like, they suck, if I dont like them. They suck.
7) I am misrable: It's every other day that I am in a good mood, but more often then not something is bothering me, probaly something trivial and pointless to stress about,like that Spar were out of Ribena or that I put on the wrong underpants. I hate my tight superhero ones. Anyway, most people are explosive misrable people who go "Oh and not only that but the bloody bus is late!" like my friend Greg, I'm implosive I'll just sit on the bus like this
and then I'll just blank everyone out and then go home and vegtablise on the bed and go on my computer to be misrable again.
Well I hope you enjoyed me listing things that are wrong with me, I'm gonna go cry in a shower and bathe in my own urine.
1) I am a dirty liar: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I could in fact be a compulsive liar, I just lie about shit that isnt worth lying about, I would never lie about shit that is serious, in fact thats another flaw (see flaw 3) I would never lie about a family or personal matter, or anything that would upset or impact someone, but I will just lie about something that is totally not worth lying about, I was worst as a kid as Ulysses could vouche for, I would just lie...All the time, I've managed to create a fillter but stuff still slip through, its usually just small comments that are just total and utter lies, they just come out in little outbursts like tourettes and then I'm like "Why did I just say that?", this means I cant hold down a friend for a long time because people just get sick of my lies.
2) I am physically repulsive: Let's just women whince at my sight, I am overweight, I have bad teeth, bad hair, disapointing facial hair and even more disapointing body hair. I sweat more than a donkey does in the desert thus making me smell more than most people, something that most people have noticed.
3) I am super insensitive: I simply dont care about most peoples feelings because when people are sad its usually short term and they'll get over it, i'll be sensitive about stuff that isnt to joke about, but if someone is offended by something I said I just dont give no fucks because I dont care about their feelings, horrible I know. I also dont get upset a lot and I am not in the slightest romantic, I just find emotions as hurdles to get over sometimes because they get in the way of people doing what they want, however I do make a point not to repress my emotions, if I am sad and want to cry, I will. I just never want to, I guess I just dont feel like I deserve to be sad most of the time, sue me.
4) I hate stupidity: I am tolerate with most things besides stupidity, when most people see ignorance on the internet, they laugh it off because its not worth it, which is true, its the right way to responde. I however lose it and I get really annoyed, I'm all like "Read a fucking book!". And everyone is like, dude chill. He's just an idiot, And im like "Graaargh!"
5) I am very controlling: with stuff I care about I get very controlling about it and I dont let anyone mess with my plan, for example me and Ulysses' film project, if people waste time I might just go ape shit, which is why its Uly's job to make sure people dont fuck about.
6) I get bored of people easily: most people when they spend a lot of time with someone get very annoyed and sick of that person and they leave them for a while and when they come back they're best buds again. Me on the other hand? Unless you're very special to me, I will get sick of you and I will fase you out until you leave my life. Insensitive? (see flaw 3) I just cant be bothered wasting time with people who I dont like, they suck, if I dont like them. They suck.
7) I am misrable: It's every other day that I am in a good mood, but more often then not something is bothering me, probaly something trivial and pointless to stress about,like that Spar were out of Ribena or that I put on the wrong underpants. I hate my tight superhero ones. Anyway, most people are explosive misrable people who go "Oh and not only that but the bloody bus is late!" like my friend Greg, I'm implosive I'll just sit on the bus like this
and then I'll just blank everyone out and then go home and vegtablise on the bed and go on my computer to be misrable again.
Well I hope you enjoyed me listing things that are wrong with me, I'm gonna go cry in a shower and bathe in my own urine.
Wednesday 24 April 2013
Super Giant and The Jester VS The KKK.
Deep in the depths of the underground porn casino The Jester was storming around the Office in an angry manor "Where the Freaky Friday is Mindnumbing Miriam!" He yelled.
"With Sleaze." Spud respondes dealing cards on the blackjack table.
"They're an intem now boss" Spoon adds tipping a stripper.
"Urgh, thats disgusting" The Jester says, almost coughing up his lunch.
He is about to walk away but the realsies "That doesnt explain why they're not here"
"They've gone on holiday" says Psycho serving cocktails.
"That is disgusting!" The Jester respondes grabbing his Desert Eagle. "Hold on, who's going to assist me?"
"I'll assist you!" Spoon yells putting his hand up.
"Ew, gross" The Jester respondes.
Meanwhile in the Giant Cave Super-Giant is relaxing in his giant chair which is moulded out of rock. When a distress call comes in. "Good Gasrtis Bypass! *click* This is Super-Giant!".
"Hey, Doctor Fro here man."
"Oh hey, what seems to be the problem?" Super-Giant asks.
"What exactly is my power?" He asks.
"Magic powers!" Super-Giant says on a whim.
"Yeah but wh-"
"Crrrhrhrhr oh sorry I'm going into a tunnel!" Super-Giant lies.
"But this is the Cave line?"
"S- I- -ant -unnel *click* phew, close one." Super-Giant says sipping his tea, because men drink tea.
ring-ring
"Oh my Cthulu! *click* Sorry I'm going into a tunnel-"
"Dude, It's The Jester and I taught you that trick. Mind-numbing Miriam has ran off with Sleaze."
"But she wants the D!"
"I know right! She's just trying to convince herself otherwise. Anyway, I need you come over and smoke some cigars with me cause I is bored."
"Can we watch Nic and Tristan Go Mega Dega?" Supe-Giant asks.
"I thought that went without saying"
"Be right there! *click*" Super-Giant leaps up and pulls up his trousers, he takes a huge gulp of his tea and then realises that its steaming hot and flaps about like a parapeligic being used as a marianet puppet.
He runs out of the cave and he takes one big step and is there. He then walks into the Underground Porn Casino (but isnt he a giant? Shut up.) He walks into The Jesters office who is sending a letter.
"Is that for Miriam?" Super-Giant asks
"Yeah." He says sounding sweet.
"What is it?"
"a picture of me doing this:
"Hi, welcome to the Andrew Show, My name is Andrew. So the other day I was standing on this bridge and I almost fell, now I was waiting for Pun-Man to save me, but no. I was saved by Doctor Fro, this is bad because black people are being allowed to be super heroes! What is this? Is this what this white world has become!?"
The Jester turns off the video. "Who the hell does this little bitch think he is!?" The Jester yells putting out his cigarrete on Spoons head.
"Wait theres more!" Super Giant yells clicking on the home page. "Jesus! Its a bunch of people wanting Dr. Fro's head...And mine! Because I am not white!"
"You act pretty white http://www.hiyoooo.com/ " He yells.
Super-Giant ignores this. "They're saying they're coming for you and Captain Mind-mash and STD man because you are sinners!" Super Giant yells
Suddenly The Jester cares "What!? Oh my god! What about Pun man!?"
"They love him." Super Giant says, this gets awkward because the Klu Klux Klan like Pun-Man.
"Lets go for them!" The Jester yells as they run out and super hero music plays https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j59mQxLL8l4 They jump into the D mobile, they drive off really fast looking mega badass as the music plays. Just listen to the music and imagine the awesome driving montage that would play. Yeah, listen to this while imagining that. You done? Okay good.
They arrive at America...And they jump out of the car. Super Giant clicks his knuckles and does his lunges, The Jester flips open the trunk of the D mobile http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh284/CTone03/Guns%20in%20movies/Narc/TrunkArsenal.jpg Oh yeah. (The music still plays by the way) The Jester cocks every gun and puts them on his persons. He then grabs the last thing in the trunk, his cigarretes and lighter, he puts one in his mouth and lights it in slow motion and the smoke is blown and its so badass that every girl within a three mile radius got inpreganted. The heroes line up in front of a church with a banner saying "Knights party meeting: invatiation only". Super Giant turns to The Jester.
"I forgot my invatation."
they walks towards the building doors. Super Giant nods at The Jester, the Jester cocks his m4 carbine and kicks open the door. "Imma go Martin Luthur King on your asses." Everyone looks terrorfied. They are all wearing the white robes. Andrew is reading a presentation on the stage, when he spots them he runs away. The Klan members stand up all holding machetes and baseball bats with pins sticking out of them. There is a badass close up on The Jester's eyes, the camera follows down to his mouth, he smirks.
Super Giant leaps over and kicks many KKK fags at one time, it is like super badass, on the other side of the church The Jester shoots a bunch of racist scum. Super Giant throws one of them into a wall and then yells "Suck the fourteenth amendment Mutha *censored by comic code*"
Suddenly Super Giant gets shocked by a cattle prod and he falls, the racist who did this lifts her hood, it is Shirley Phelps-Roper, the most hated woman on earth and The Jester's arch nemesis. "You dirty whore! How did you escape the abyss I threw you into in issue 45 of The Jester!?" The Jester yells
"I used the time fluxer that you got off O'leary as a reward after defeating Insomnia in Issue 37 of The Jester!" Shirley Phelps-Roper yells kicking Super Giant.
"How did you get it!? I destroyed it in Issue 40 of The Jester after the problem when I fought George Lucas' Neck!" The Jester yells back
"Dont you remember Issue 1 of The adventures of Shirley Phelps-Roper?"
"Why would I read that?"
"Anyway, it explains that I have the ability to see events around the world and travel there! So I stole the Time Fluxer!" Shirley Phelps-Roper says boring everyone.
"Why didnt you just go back in time and like, change the course of history?" The Jester asks
"I was suppose to do that, it was first on my list but I...Um.....Forgot....But I still have it on me so I can do it soon!" Shirley Phelps-Roper yells then she laughs cruely.
A flash of light appears and The Jester of the future appears and gives Super Giant an axe that already has blood on it. "Kill her now!" The Jester screams.
Super Giant hacks at Shirley Phelps-Ropers leg, she falls in pain and screams, she grabs the axe but before she can do anything some...Um...Magic! Hits her arm and its burns to a crisp, she screams in pain and passes out.
Dr. Fro stand there with some...Magic, glowing in his hand "You guys looked like you needed help."
"Yeah they did!" Future Jester says picking up the axe and the Time Fluxer. He disappears in a flash.
"Um" Dr, Fro murmers.
"Dont ask" Super-Giant says standing up. Suddenly loads of Klan members surround everyone, Dr. Fro gets his....Magic ready, Super Giant kicks Shirly Phelps-Roper to the side and The Jester lights a new cigarrete and cocks his Desert Eagle. Each hero fires off to a diffrent section of the Klan.
Dr. Fro grabs on Klan member and whispers into his ear "I'm dating a white chick" The member grabs his revolver and shoots himself. Then Dr. Fro shoots some...Magic...At a huge crowd of Klan members. Super Giant kicks a bunch of Klan members out the way...This is pretty easy for him to be honest. The Jester shoots a bunch of members of the Klan but then he stops, he hears a Rhotacism. He knew that Andrew was around. He leaves the battle and runs up the steps into the bell tower, he accidently knocks over a candle stick and quickly sets the lower saloon on fire. Dr. Fro and Super Giant run out and locks the door so the Klan will burn, and then they realise that The Jester is still upstairs.
The Jester hits the Fire Alarm so that the sprinklers will come on, they do but it does almost nothing, he then grabs the fire axe next to the alarm. He runs upstairs he then slows down when he see's Andrew standing there next to the bell "Your time is up." Andrew turns around (This scene is badass because 1) There is fire downstairs so it gives it a firey glow, also if they fall they die 2) The sprinklers are on so it gives that badass rain effect.)
"You think you're a threat to me? God will protect me." Andrew says.
"Dude, I dont even believe in God and I know he thinks you're an asshole." The Jester says lifting his axe.
"Are you going to use that barbaric weapon on a child?" Andrew says throwing a samurai sword at The Jester and then he pulls out his own "Let's fight like men." He says holding his own one up.
The Jester picks up his sword, he looks it up and down and throws it at Andrews feet, it hits the creaky wooden floor underneath him, Andrew falls but hold on the a pillar, he is near flames.
The Jester walks over and looks down at him.
"Please save me, I have seen the error of my ways, please I'm a child. I have a family please." Andrew cries like a pussy.
The Jester grabs his Jack Daniels from his Jack Daniels pocket and takes a sip, he then pours the rest on Andrew so that he would catch on fire, Andrew cries. "I dont have a family." The Jester says all badass like. Andrew whinces but The Jester grabs him and picks him up. "Now you know what staring into Hell is like."
Little did The Jester know that Super-Giant was standing right behind him. "Wow, that was so heroic, now let him live." but before Super-Giant could finish his speech The Jester had already begun hacking away at Andrew, he goes at him for like twenty seconds and Andrew is just a pulp of guts. "Or do that." Super Giant finishes.
They both leave the burning church which falls apart behind them, The Jester puts his hands in his pockets reaching for his cigarretes, they arnt there, instead is the Time Fluxer, he looks at Super Giant and then types in the time that he saved himself.
A flash of light appears and The Jester of the future appears and gives Super Giant an axe that already has blood on it. "Kill her now!" The Jester screams.
Super Giant hacks at Shirley Phelps-Ropers leg, she falls in pain and screams, she grabs the axe but before she can do anything some...Um...Magic! Hits her arm and its burns to a crisp, she screams in pain and passes out.
Dr. Fro stand there with some...Magic, glowing in his hand "You guys looked like you needed help."
"Yeah they did!" Future Jester says picking up the axe and the Time Fluxer. He disappears in a flash.
He re-appears where he was.
"What shall we do with the Time Fluxer?" Super Giant asks
Whaaa Cliffhanger!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FR0YwWDKJnM This plays in the background of the credits.
"With Sleaze." Spud respondes dealing cards on the blackjack table.
"They're an intem now boss" Spoon adds tipping a stripper.
"Urgh, thats disgusting" The Jester says, almost coughing up his lunch.
He is about to walk away but the realsies "That doesnt explain why they're not here"
"They've gone on holiday" says Psycho serving cocktails.
"That is disgusting!" The Jester respondes grabbing his Desert Eagle. "Hold on, who's going to assist me?"
"I'll assist you!" Spoon yells putting his hand up.
"Ew, gross" The Jester respondes.
Meanwhile in the Giant Cave Super-Giant is relaxing in his giant chair which is moulded out of rock. When a distress call comes in. "Good Gasrtis Bypass! *click* This is Super-Giant!".
"Hey, Doctor Fro here man."
"Oh hey, what seems to be the problem?" Super-Giant asks.
"What exactly is my power?" He asks.
"Magic powers!" Super-Giant says on a whim.
"Yeah but wh-"
"Crrrhrhrhr oh sorry I'm going into a tunnel!" Super-Giant lies.
"But this is the Cave line?"
"S- I- -ant -unnel *click* phew, close one." Super-Giant says sipping his tea, because men drink tea.
ring-ring
"Oh my Cthulu! *click* Sorry I'm going into a tunnel-"
"Dude, It's The Jester and I taught you that trick. Mind-numbing Miriam has ran off with Sleaze."
"But she wants the D!"
"I know right! She's just trying to convince herself otherwise. Anyway, I need you come over and smoke some cigars with me cause I is bored."
"Can we watch Nic and Tristan Go Mega Dega?" Supe-Giant asks.
"I thought that went without saying"
"Be right there! *click*" Super-Giant leaps up and pulls up his trousers, he takes a huge gulp of his tea and then realises that its steaming hot and flaps about like a parapeligic being used as a marianet puppet.
He runs out of the cave and he takes one big step and is there. He then walks into the Underground Porn Casino (but isnt he a giant? Shut up.) He walks into The Jesters office who is sending a letter.
"Is that for Miriam?" Super-Giant asks
"Yeah." He says sounding sweet.
"What is it?"
"a picture of me doing this:
"Damn, thats ice cold" Super-Giant adds
"I know right, I can be cold if I want to!" The Jesters says clicking his finger like a ghetto rat.
"Let's have some Nic and Tristan Go Mega Dega!" Super Giant yells like a lady.
"Yeah!" The Jester respondes like a lady.
After the glorious hour and a half of NATGMD Super Giant and The Jester high five.
"Yes!" Super Giant growls
"It gets better everytime!" The Jester yells
an awkward silence hit the duo.
"Now what?" Super-Giant asks
after a while The Jester has a suggestion "Oh em gee! Let's go on the KKK website!"
Super-Giant looks confused "Um. Why?"
"cause its fun to watch people being ignorant and stupid!" The Jester says going on the computer
"Oh so its like watching TheAmazingAtheist!" Super-Giant says
http://www.hiyoooo.com/ They both yell.
"wow look at this!" Super-Giant says in amazment.
"I know, shoking right?" The Jester comments
They stumble on this http://www.thomasrobb.com/andrew13022111.htm however todays episode isnt about why Maramaduke supports Minorityism. It is this"Hi, welcome to the Andrew Show, My name is Andrew. So the other day I was standing on this bridge and I almost fell, now I was waiting for Pun-Man to save me, but no. I was saved by Doctor Fro, this is bad because black people are being allowed to be super heroes! What is this? Is this what this white world has become!?"
The Jester turns off the video. "Who the hell does this little bitch think he is!?" The Jester yells putting out his cigarrete on Spoons head.
"Wait theres more!" Super Giant yells clicking on the home page. "Jesus! Its a bunch of people wanting Dr. Fro's head...And mine! Because I am not white!"
"You act pretty white http://www.hiyoooo.com/ " He yells.
Super-Giant ignores this. "They're saying they're coming for you and Captain Mind-mash and STD man because you are sinners!" Super Giant yells
Suddenly The Jester cares "What!? Oh my god! What about Pun man!?"
"They love him." Super Giant says, this gets awkward because the Klu Klux Klan like Pun-Man.
"Lets go for them!" The Jester yells as they run out and super hero music plays https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j59mQxLL8l4 They jump into the D mobile, they drive off really fast looking mega badass as the music plays. Just listen to the music and imagine the awesome driving montage that would play. Yeah, listen to this while imagining that. You done? Okay good.
They arrive at America...And they jump out of the car. Super Giant clicks his knuckles and does his lunges, The Jester flips open the trunk of the D mobile http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh284/CTone03/Guns%20in%20movies/Narc/TrunkArsenal.jpg Oh yeah. (The music still plays by the way) The Jester cocks every gun and puts them on his persons. He then grabs the last thing in the trunk, his cigarretes and lighter, he puts one in his mouth and lights it in slow motion and the smoke is blown and its so badass that every girl within a three mile radius got inpreganted. The heroes line up in front of a church with a banner saying "Knights party meeting: invatiation only". Super Giant turns to The Jester.
"I forgot my invatation."
they walks towards the building doors. Super Giant nods at The Jester, the Jester cocks his m4 carbine and kicks open the door. "Imma go Martin Luthur King on your asses." Everyone looks terrorfied. They are all wearing the white robes. Andrew is reading a presentation on the stage, when he spots them he runs away. The Klan members stand up all holding machetes and baseball bats with pins sticking out of them. There is a badass close up on The Jester's eyes, the camera follows down to his mouth, he smirks.
Super Giant leaps over and kicks many KKK fags at one time, it is like super badass, on the other side of the church The Jester shoots a bunch of racist scum. Super Giant throws one of them into a wall and then yells "Suck the fourteenth amendment Mutha *censored by comic code*"
Suddenly Super Giant gets shocked by a cattle prod and he falls, the racist who did this lifts her hood, it is Shirley Phelps-Roper, the most hated woman on earth and The Jester's arch nemesis. "You dirty whore! How did you escape the abyss I threw you into in issue 45 of The Jester!?" The Jester yells
"I used the time fluxer that you got off O'leary as a reward after defeating Insomnia in Issue 37 of The Jester!" Shirley Phelps-Roper yells kicking Super Giant.
"How did you get it!? I destroyed it in Issue 40 of The Jester after the problem when I fought George Lucas' Neck!" The Jester yells back
"Dont you remember Issue 1 of The adventures of Shirley Phelps-Roper?"
"Why would I read that?"
"Anyway, it explains that I have the ability to see events around the world and travel there! So I stole the Time Fluxer!" Shirley Phelps-Roper says boring everyone.
"Why didnt you just go back in time and like, change the course of history?" The Jester asks
"I was suppose to do that, it was first on my list but I...Um.....Forgot....But I still have it on me so I can do it soon!" Shirley Phelps-Roper yells then she laughs cruely.
A flash of light appears and The Jester of the future appears and gives Super Giant an axe that already has blood on it. "Kill her now!" The Jester screams.
Super Giant hacks at Shirley Phelps-Ropers leg, she falls in pain and screams, she grabs the axe but before she can do anything some...Um...Magic! Hits her arm and its burns to a crisp, she screams in pain and passes out.
Dr. Fro stand there with some...Magic, glowing in his hand "You guys looked like you needed help."
"Yeah they did!" Future Jester says picking up the axe and the Time Fluxer. He disappears in a flash.
"Um" Dr, Fro murmers.
"Dont ask" Super-Giant says standing up. Suddenly loads of Klan members surround everyone, Dr. Fro gets his....Magic ready, Super Giant kicks Shirly Phelps-Roper to the side and The Jester lights a new cigarrete and cocks his Desert Eagle. Each hero fires off to a diffrent section of the Klan.
Dr. Fro grabs on Klan member and whispers into his ear "I'm dating a white chick" The member grabs his revolver and shoots himself. Then Dr. Fro shoots some...Magic...At a huge crowd of Klan members. Super Giant kicks a bunch of Klan members out the way...This is pretty easy for him to be honest. The Jester shoots a bunch of members of the Klan but then he stops, he hears a Rhotacism. He knew that Andrew was around. He leaves the battle and runs up the steps into the bell tower, he accidently knocks over a candle stick and quickly sets the lower saloon on fire. Dr. Fro and Super Giant run out and locks the door so the Klan will burn, and then they realise that The Jester is still upstairs.
The Jester hits the Fire Alarm so that the sprinklers will come on, they do but it does almost nothing, he then grabs the fire axe next to the alarm. He runs upstairs he then slows down when he see's Andrew standing there next to the bell "Your time is up." Andrew turns around (This scene is badass because 1) There is fire downstairs so it gives it a firey glow, also if they fall they die 2) The sprinklers are on so it gives that badass rain effect.)
"You think you're a threat to me? God will protect me." Andrew says.
"Dude, I dont even believe in God and I know he thinks you're an asshole." The Jester says lifting his axe.
"Are you going to use that barbaric weapon on a child?" Andrew says throwing a samurai sword at The Jester and then he pulls out his own "Let's fight like men." He says holding his own one up.
The Jester picks up his sword, he looks it up and down and throws it at Andrews feet, it hits the creaky wooden floor underneath him, Andrew falls but hold on the a pillar, he is near flames.
The Jester walks over and looks down at him.
"Please save me, I have seen the error of my ways, please I'm a child. I have a family please." Andrew cries like a pussy.
The Jester grabs his Jack Daniels from his Jack Daniels pocket and takes a sip, he then pours the rest on Andrew so that he would catch on fire, Andrew cries. "I dont have a family." The Jester says all badass like. Andrew whinces but The Jester grabs him and picks him up. "Now you know what staring into Hell is like."
Little did The Jester know that Super-Giant was standing right behind him. "Wow, that was so heroic, now let him live." but before Super-Giant could finish his speech The Jester had already begun hacking away at Andrew, he goes at him for like twenty seconds and Andrew is just a pulp of guts. "Or do that." Super Giant finishes.
They both leave the burning church which falls apart behind them, The Jester puts his hands in his pockets reaching for his cigarretes, they arnt there, instead is the Time Fluxer, he looks at Super Giant and then types in the time that he saved himself.
A flash of light appears and The Jester of the future appears and gives Super Giant an axe that already has blood on it. "Kill her now!" The Jester screams.
Super Giant hacks at Shirley Phelps-Ropers leg, she falls in pain and screams, she grabs the axe but before she can do anything some...Um...Magic! Hits her arm and its burns to a crisp, she screams in pain and passes out.
Dr. Fro stand there with some...Magic, glowing in his hand "You guys looked like you needed help."
"Yeah they did!" Future Jester says picking up the axe and the Time Fluxer. He disappears in a flash.
He re-appears where he was.
"What shall we do with the Time Fluxer?" Super Giant asks
Whaaa Cliffhanger!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FR0YwWDKJnM This plays in the background of the credits.
Wednesday 17 April 2013
Don't even ask.
"Oooh what have you got there Timmy?"
"It's Fluffles the cat!"
"My goodness Timmy, what on earth will you do with that?"
"I'm gonna fuck her in the eye!"
"Timmy, what did I tell about swearing and being nice?"
"Sorry, I'm going to pleasure her in the eye."
"Still Timmy, I'm sure Fluffles doesnt want to be pleasured in the eye, because it will hurt. Also, only grown-ups are allowed to pleasure other things"
"My pee-pee is getting big and hard."
"Now Timmy, stop that."
"I cant, I'm getting sweaty just holding Fluffles."
"Put Fluffles down and go to your room."
"You used the wrong your!"
"No I didnt."
"Oh yeah, sorry."
"Anyway, where were we Timmy?"
"You were going to hold the camera while lock the doors of this nursery and burn it too the ground."
"Ah right, Hey! Wait a minute, I'm sure I was going to send you to your room?"
"No, no you werent."
"I was going to film you do this horrible act?"
"Yes, but what afterwards? What shall we do?"
"Well when we're done you just go to the shed and pulls down your dungerees and I'll decide what I do and if you complain I'm going to show you your mothers head again. You wont like that will you?"
"When can I go home?"
"When they give us the ransom."
Isnt it strange how our opinion on a person changes the more we learn about their story?
"It's Fluffles the cat!"
"My goodness Timmy, what on earth will you do with that?"
"I'm gonna fuck her in the eye!"
"Timmy, what did I tell about swearing and being nice?"
"Sorry, I'm going to pleasure her in the eye."
"Still Timmy, I'm sure Fluffles doesnt want to be pleasured in the eye, because it will hurt. Also, only grown-ups are allowed to pleasure other things"
"My pee-pee is getting big and hard."
"Now Timmy, stop that."
"I cant, I'm getting sweaty just holding Fluffles."
"Put Fluffles down and go to your room."
"You used the wrong your!"
"No I didnt."
"Oh yeah, sorry."
"Anyway, where were we Timmy?"
"You were going to hold the camera while lock the doors of this nursery and burn it too the ground."
"Ah right, Hey! Wait a minute, I'm sure I was going to send you to your room?"
"No, no you werent."
"I was going to film you do this horrible act?"
"Yes, but what afterwards? What shall we do?"
"Well when we're done you just go to the shed and pulls down your dungerees and I'll decide what I do and if you complain I'm going to show you your mothers head again. You wont like that will you?"
"When can I go home?"
"When they give us the ransom."
Isnt it strange how our opinion on a person changes the more we learn about their story?
Tuesday 16 April 2013
I am now going to crawl in a hole and pass out.
A blog about blogging?! I cant be! Well actually it can , so shut up.
Basically the last few weeks of my life have revolved around 1) Welsh work 2) Whose Line Is It Anyway? (rhetorical) 3) Something personal which only good friends know about (you know who you are and of course 4) The Jester's emotional blankness.
This saga took so much out of me, I have notes upon notes of plot twists and plot holes in which I could fill. Hours spent decided how to make the ending orgasm worthy. Days of preperation of how to reaaally annoy Miriam Parry: http://bestbitchtobitchaboutbitcheswith.blogspot.co.uk/ (also Beth blogs aswell and she's fricking cool so read their blog and they'll give you BJ's...Wait Miriam's a Christian. Marry her and then she'll give you BJ's). Anyway, this awesome Saga took so much out of me that this week will conists of pretty small blogs, at the most. I might not blog sometimes. Also I lost the first draft of part 4 which was much better than the published part 4, but oh well.
Next week I will blog bigger better and uncensored shite so wait for that and also another story will be done. The origin of The Jester.
Basically the last few weeks of my life have revolved around 1) Welsh work 2) Whose Line Is It Anyway? (rhetorical) 3) Something personal which only good friends know about (you know who you are and of course 4) The Jester's emotional blankness.
This saga took so much out of me, I have notes upon notes of plot twists and plot holes in which I could fill. Hours spent decided how to make the ending orgasm worthy. Days of preperation of how to reaaally annoy Miriam Parry: http://bestbitchtobitchaboutbitcheswith.blogspot.co.uk/ (also Beth blogs aswell and she's fricking cool so read their blog and they'll give you BJ's...Wait Miriam's a Christian. Marry her and then she'll give you BJ's). Anyway, this awesome Saga took so much out of me that this week will conists of pretty small blogs, at the most. I might not blog sometimes. Also I lost the first draft of part 4 which was much better than the published part 4, but oh well.
Next week I will blog bigger better and uncensored shite so wait for that and also another story will be done. The origin of The Jester.
Captain Mind-Mash's letter to Repressed Emotion.
In case you were wondering.
I'm going to ram my fist so hard through your stomach that the acid will leak out into your kidneys! That's not all, *censored by comic code* face! Oh no, I'm going to then put my finger through your nostrils, pull out the partition and thrust my *cencored by comic code* into it harder than a *censored by comic code* locomotive going into a tunnel. You think I'm incapable? HA. No no, I am more than capable of causing you grievous bodily harm. I can thrust my member so hard and so fast into your body that the ambulance won't know if you'd been pummelled by a jackhammer or a *cenosored by comic code* tornado! Oh it's making me salivate thinking about tearing you open like a can of sardines and feed you your own entrails as it were dinner time at the old folks home! Do you WANT to feel the chilling embrace of a person who has, many a time, ripped open the back of a woman, torn out the spine and organs with his teeth and used the skin and muscle tissue as a *censored by comic code* onesie? That night was the night I slept like a fucking baby. Speaking of babies, I once force fed some pregnant *censored by comic code* who robbed a bank. She claimed she was 'stealing to support her childs future' to which I reassured her that the babies future was in it's mothers *censored by comic code* throat! She struggled but *censored by comic code* me she was as slippery as her unborn child! Nevertheless, she received her 'special delivery'
ALL rights go to Lord Peter Helsby
ALL rights go to Lord Peter Helsby
The Jester's emotional blankness: Finale.
The team of: Super Giant, The Jester, STD man, Pun man and
Captain Mind-mash arrive at the conveniently named “generic Underground Layer
here in Mars”. To Their happiness O’Leary is found at the entrance. “Guys! Come
quick! They’re all dead!” Everyone
rushes including The Jester which is a surprise because he didn’t even ask
about the Ice Cream Sandwiches.
They enter and everyone is still alive, they are bound and
gagged but to the right of everyone is O’Leary trapped in an anti-super power
field. Everyone gets a look of confusion while the O’Leary that led them there
is laughing; he quickly morphs into Repressed Emotion “You idiots! O’Leary has
been here the whole time!” Repressed Emotion yells. “I even made up a lie about
the world history and you still fell for it!” O’Leary rolls his eyes.
“Well it doesn’t really matter seeing that we’re going to
kill you now you stupid son of a *censored by comic code*” The Jester says
pulling out his 45 magnum Desert Eagle, He takes a shot but Repressed Emotion
is wearing some sort of armour. “You fool! Bullets are superfluous to my
swallowed-sadness-armour!” Repressed Emotion laughs crawling over to his giant
computer, a force field surrounds the team and all of a sudden Repressed
Emotion shoots out a lightning bolt at Super Giant, Pun man, Captain Mind-mash,
STD man and The Jester “Hey! I can’t move!” STD man yells.
“Yes. This will prevent movement for about a minute and a
half!” Repressed Emotion says menacingly. “Why didn’t you just get one that will
stop us from moving forever?” Super
Giant asks.
“I couldn’t afford that spell” Repressed Emotion answers, he
presses a button on his dashboard, all of a sudden a force field surrounds
everyone. “This is an anti-super power field!” Repressed Emotion says being all
super evil and stuff. “Tatty bye!” He says leaving the room. All of a sudden a
gas fills the room. The intercoms goes on, it’s Repressed Emotion. “Oh my, what have we here? Oh yes, it’s pnexiouside
a poison that will kill you in twenty minutes! Again I couldn’t afford the
quick stuff...But when this comes into action. Your entrails will burn and your
organs will decay. Have fun” The Intercom turns off.
Everyone looks around. This is it. This is the end (well
obviously not but its fun to be intense which brings me to another point, why
in the Star Wars prequels did they bother making Obi Wan Kenobi have near-death
situations, we all know he won’t die. Use those scenes with people who we don’t
see in the originals! Anyway I’m getting off track). The Jester begins to panic
“Don’t just stand there O’Leary! If it wasn’t for you getting your ass
kidnapped this never would have happened!”
“Hold on I’m thinking” O’Leary responds “Yes...Yes I know
about pnexiouside, it is a very rare element that has one thing that can
counteract it.”
“For the love of god tell us!” STD man says.
“It’s quite vulgar” O’Leary says.
Captain Mind-mash gives him a look of “Are you kidding me”.
“Well it’s...It’s queef.”
Everyone looks at Mind-numbing Miriam. She spits out her
gag, “No way.” She says.
The spell wares off so The Jester goes around and un-ties
her. “Miriam please listen to reason!” O’Leary says. (I would make a reference
here but only Tom would get it.
“There is no way I am queefing!” Mind Numbing Miriam says,
desperate for the D.
“Miriam! I don’t want to die and I’m pretty sure you don’t want
to either. So for god sake! Grow some balls and queef!” Says The Jester.
“How can I queef if I had balls?” Mind-numbing Miriam says,
dry mouthed for the D.
“Just. Queef.” The Jester says, holding in his rage...And
his D.
Min-numbing Miriam looks around “Why can’t they do it?” She
says pointing at The Jesters sisters.
“They’re too young.” O’Leary adds.
Mind-numbing Miriam looks around. She has no choice other
than to queef. “Okay, two conditions!”
Everyone nods. “One, you must turn around. Two, you tell no
one!” Everyone agrees (although we all know The Jester will tell anyone he
meets.) And alas, she queefs, she queefs again, and again and again and again
until the whole room is full of the smell of...You guessed it queef. (Hi I’m 16
years old).
Everyone turns around and looks at Miriam with a look of
disgust. “You told me to do it!” Miriam says defensively, needing the D. O’Leary
grabs the intercom while the other guys untie the sisters.
“Hey we’re still
alive, thanks to the magic of knowledge.” The pounding sounds of footsteps are heard as
Repressed Emotion storms in. “You idiots! What have you done! Do you have any
idea how rare that was! You’re all dead!”
“How? You have a force field to prevent your actions?” Pun
Man asks.
Without thinking Repressed Emotion turns off the force
field.
“Wait, can I have one final word?” Pun Man requests.
“Very well” Repressed Emotions replies.
“Looks like you were FORCED into this situation!” Pun-Man
says pointing and clicking his fingers.
Repressed Emotion flies back like Pun-Man just used the
force.
“I guys you could says this isn’t SUPER!” He says again,
Repressed Emotion flies back again.
Super Giant grabs Repressed Emotion like an American football
“Blue thirty two, blue Thirty two, hut-hut!” He yells throwing Repressed
Emotion into his mother board thus shocking him and impaling him with shards of
glass and metal and plastic. He falls, Mind-numbing Miriam skips over to him “See
they made me queef and after I did they just treated me liken3rhghgoghohgo4gh4g”
She Mind-numbs. “Ah god! Make it stop!” Repressed Emotion yells, he attempts to
get up but O’Leary and Super Liz are holding him down with their minds. STD man
wanders over and touches Repressed Emotion’s arm, “Gonorrhoea.” He says.
Captain Mind Mash tip toes over with a note that has been in his pocket for
this whole time. He hands it too Repressed Emotion, he quickly reads. All of
sudden Repressed Emotion violently vomits blood all over himself for about five
minutes, when he is done Happy Hattie and MADdeline open up his protective
chest plate. The Jester aims his gun directly at the heart. “Stay repressed.”
The Jester says with a badass close up. He fires twenty shots into Repressed
Emotions heart.
Everyone dances with glee. “We did it!” The Jester yells in
happiness. “You saved me” Mind-numbing Miriam says cunningly. “I came for the
Ice Cream Sandwiches.” The Jester responds
“Oh yeah then why didn’t you save them?” the Ice Cream
Sandwiches have melted. “You untied me...But you let them melt!” The Jester is
at a loss for words but then “Ew! Get away from me you queefer.” Mind-numbing
Miriam just shakes her head and walks away to celebrate with the others.
But Repressed Emotion subtly grabs The Jesters gun and
shoots him in the leg. “Ah!” He falls in pain.
Repressed Emotion then morphs, he grows triple in size and
grows nine more extra limbs, he re-applies his armour. He voice booms all
monster like “Now, feel the wrath of Repressed Emotion!” A football suddenly
hits Repressed Emotions head; however this ball is made of metal and has
spikes. It sticks in his head “Who kicked that!” He screams in anger. It’s The Jester’s dad http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30tIIV2RoX0
He says being all badass. Miriam creams.
William jumps over to Repressed Emotion, Repressed Emotion
takes a swing at him but he ducks, he quickly whips out his dark purple
lightsaber and lobs off Repressed Emotions limbs. “Arrghh” He screams. William
puts away his lightsaber and spins out a beauty of a guitar. Cranium steel and
Copper boy appear out of nowhere and drool. William plays a moist riff http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQPY0Lt1bds
. STD man creams.
Repressed Emotion grabs a sharp piece of metal from his back
and stabs Williams through the gut with it. “No!” The Jester yells in horror.
Before William falls he rips off Repressed Emotions head and
throws it. Repressed Emotion dies and William falls. Captain Mind-mash jumps
Repressed Emotions body.
The Jester quickly runs up to him crying. He holds him in
his arms. “No William, please don’t die, please I only just got a dad please don’t
leave me” Everyone surrounds them and Super Giant places his hand on his
shoulder.
“Y-You were such a hero Jacob.” The Jester breaks down
crying “I-I am so proud of you, you did so well. I had no idea that you were so
powerful, I know you consider yourself evil, but your *coughs blood* tops in my
book. No matter what anyone says my boy” He holds The Jesters hand and looks
deeply into his eyes. “You’re a hero to me, I love you son.” William dies. The
Jester bows his head in sadness and cries. Everyone comforts The Jester.
After awhile the gates open and the team leave. “So, back to
my place for punch and pie?” Captain Mind-mash asks. “What about the Jester?” Pun-Man
whispers.
“I’ll be fine.” He comments, Super-Giant hits Pun-Man on the
back of the head. “I’m gonna catch the
next one.”
“Do you need company?” Mind-numbing Miriam asks.
“No.” The Jester responds walking away.
“I’ll never understand him” She comments.
Super Giant responds “I don’t think it’s a matter of
understanding, I think its more tolerance. Remember that The Jesters life is
more twisted and wrong as Captain mind-mash’s fantasies. It’s amazing he hasn’t
done himself in yet. In a lot of ways The Jester is an anti-hero or even worst;
a villain, but in more ways than not...He’s a hero. And a damn good one at that,
every now and again people need to just remember that The Jester isn’t really a
superhero, nor does he have awesome gadgets. He’s just had enough crappy stuff
happen to him that he wants to prevent anyone else from going through it, and
because of that. He’s more of a hero than we’ll ever be.”
Friday 12 April 2013
I'm going to have a storke.
I wrote so much for the finale! And then all of a sudden my computer decides to re-open my blogspot tab and all of my work is deleted...Part 4 will not be relised. Too much work was put into it. There is no way in hell I can re-do all of that. Just take it as a cliffhanger.
Thursday 11 April 2013
Get ready.
For the past three days I've posted three parts of my epic story about my super-alter-ego "The Jester". Now although it makes sense to write the final part today. I want to make sure that every question gets anwsered and that it truely reaches its potential because its been my main concern for the past few days. So it will be done tomorrow at about six o clock. Trust me, it's gonna be badass. I have plot-twists and shock endings and everything...Get ready.
Wednesday 10 April 2013
The Jester's emotional blankness part 3
Previously: THE D!
and now back to todays episode:
the team find themselves at some kind of warehouse; in this warehouse are brocken pieces of machinary and sexual toys. There are also scraps of paper everywhere.
Pun man picks one of these pieces of paper. "what does it say?" Super Giant asks.
"So I say "Fits like a glove? No. Fits like a 'bloody' hat." And that's why I'm not allowed to work with toddlers any more." Says Pun-man.
"This is definatly where Captain Mind-mash is." Super-Giant says, storking his plat.
Suddenly they all hear talking coming from right next to them, Mind-mash had been there the whole time. Talking to himself.
"OH YES. BOY, IMMA MASH THE *cencored by comic code* OUTTA Y-... oh hello, how long have you been standing there? NO MATTER, Need a ride? Hop in, *cencored by comic code*. What? That's offensive? *cencored by comic code* sake, okay... just get in the *cencored by comic code*-ing Mash-Mobile..." Captain Mind-mash yells.
"Captain Mind-mash! How are you?" STD man asks.
"Did I *cencored by comic code*-ing studder? Get in the *cencored by comic code*-ing Mash-Mobile you *cencored by comic code* *cencored by comic code* of *cencored by comic code* son of a chinese person's *cencored by comic code*." Mind-mash spews.
They all run into a run down pod which is kept together by duct tape. Suddenly Captain Mind-Mash grabs the intercom:
and now back to todays episode:
the team find themselves at some kind of warehouse; in this warehouse are brocken pieces of machinary and sexual toys. There are also scraps of paper everywhere.
Pun man picks one of these pieces of paper. "what does it say?" Super Giant asks.
"So I say "Fits like a glove? No. Fits like a 'bloody' hat." And that's why I'm not allowed to work with toddlers any more." Says Pun-man.
"This is definatly where Captain Mind-mash is." Super-Giant says, storking his plat.
Suddenly they all hear talking coming from right next to them, Mind-mash had been there the whole time. Talking to himself.
"OH YES. BOY, IMMA MASH THE *cencored by comic code* OUTTA Y-... oh hello, how long have you been standing there? NO MATTER, Need a ride? Hop in, *cencored by comic code*. What? That's offensive? *cencored by comic code* sake, okay... just get in the *cencored by comic code*-ing Mash-Mobile..." Captain Mind-mash yells.
"Captain Mind-mash! How are you?" STD man asks.
"Did I *cencored by comic code*-ing studder? Get in the *cencored by comic code*-ing Mash-Mobile you *cencored by comic code* *cencored by comic code* of *cencored by comic code* son of a chinese person's *cencored by comic code*." Mind-mash spews.
They all run into a run down pod which is kept together by duct tape. Suddenly Captain Mind-Mash grabs the intercom:
"I don't like Mondays. I especially don't like whining wives on Mondays...
I fed her her own thighs while she begged me to kill her, but I didn't give her such a luxury. After three hours and forty two minutes, she began to lose consciousness so I injected her with adrenaline and sowed her wound shut. She lived for an extra thirty eight minutes but for thirty two of them, she just wept and prayed. She didn't die of her wounds, oh no, she got on my nerves so I gave her what she craved, but not before I answered her screams of why I was doing what I was doing. She went pale by the time I was finished telling her how sick I was of working so that she could blow my cash on nothing more than her whorish hobbies at the local gentlemans club. It was THEN that I took her disembodied lower femur and swiftly cracked her skull, causing a internal blood loss and eventual brain damage. The fact she lacked both legs and half of her arm was just a way of teaching her a lesson.
I'll tell you this, the clean up was a real *cencored by comic code*"
There was silence for about thirty minutes, Pun-man fainted.
"Wh-why?" Mind-numbing Miriam said, craving the D ever so deeply.
"I had to warm up in case we get in some heat" Captain Mind-mash said, also wanting the D.
"He isnt breathing." Super-Giant says, looking after Pun-man.
"Then we should go faster." Captaint Mnd-mash says.
"And go to a hospital of course" says STD man.
"No way, I need to meet my father." The Jester inturups.
"Good idea" Captain Mind-mash respondes.
They all land on Mars. Mind-mash rolls down his window and turns on the atmosphere. "Here we are, now if I was a foot-baller, Rockstar, Martian Jedi...Where would I be?" Says Captain Mind-Mash, infront of the "Foot-ball, Rock music, Martian themed Star Wars bar". Everyone just looks at Captain Mind-mash while he thinks...The Jester shoves him violently and walks into the bar...Now, this bar looked like a rock n' roll version of the bar in Star Wars: New Hope. There is also a screen playing a football game of some kind...
All of a sudden everyones attention is drawn to the five legged man at the microphone. "And now ladies and gentlemen; All the way from his crogenic sleep. The multi platnium Rock n' Roll legend who also repressents Earth's football team...The one, The only: William Williams!" Suddenly a man jumps from behind a curtian...Imagine the human inbodiment of manly things; Action movies, motorcycles, beer...Yeah thats what he looked like, got a problem? Didnt think so.
He jumps out and plays http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icTws8ZOBmQ and every girl within three miles creams...Inculding Miriam but she would never admit it, even STD man creams....He never metioned it after this and gets angry if you bring it up.
After playing a heavy metal version of "Wake me up, before you Go-Go" and "Torn" he goes back stage.
"Lets go!" Mind-numbing Miriam yells, dripping for the D.
"No Shit-cake...Just me" The Jester says, stopping Miriam.
"I love those little pet names you give" Says Mind-numbing Miriam says sarcatically, which is a clear sighn of D wanting.
He runs back stage.
"Wow, no autographs dude" William says, after giving an autograph to a hot girl.
"I'm your son." The Jester says "And I need your help *Goes through part 1 and 2* So you see my dilemma."
Suddently a kid runs up to William with a bottle of water. "Here you go Mr. Williams"
"Thanks kid" Says William grabbing the bottle.
"I want the D" The Jester hears in this kids voice, but the kids mouth didnt move.
"This is Mr. Joel, he's a superhero too" William says.
"Whats his power?" The Jester asks.
"Telecenisis" Mr. Joel says.
"Not really, you cant read minds but people can read yours...Wouldent call that telecenisis" Says William.
"Whatever, Look I need your help!" The Jester asks.
"Look kid, I get that you're going through a lot right now, but so I am, I'm a mega celebrity. I've been in a crygenic sleep for over ten years bro" William replies.
"But.."
"Look kid...I'm just not up for it." William says leaving.
The Jester has a huge look of disapointment over his face.
He walks out, everyone is anticipating a response.
"Well?" Mind-numbing Miriam says.
"Nope. He's not intrested. Which I understand, I mean its a lot to ask of a person. Wait no its not, I'm getting worst." The Jester says worryingly.
"Let's just get a room in Premier Inn." Captain Mind-mash says.
"Nah, I'm already gutted I dont need to be common aswell" The Jester respondes.
Instead they stay at the Ritz, using STD man's card of course.
Pun-man is forced to sleep in the same bed as STD man, STD man spreads is body all over Pun-mans. Who looks annoyed for the first time.
Super-Giant is sleeping outside because he doesnt fit in the building, while Captain Mind-Mash is sleeping in his underpants.
Mind-numbing Miriam is forced to sleep on the floor because The Jester wants a whole bed for himself and while Miriam is trying to sleep he keeps whispering "The D" in her ear.
Suddenly the wall of Mind-numbing Miriam and The Jesters room gets busted open by Repressed Emotion, his huge claw grabs Mind-numbing Miriam. "To save This D wanter, your sisters and your ice cream sandwiches. Come to the generic Underground Layer here in Mars." Repressed Emotion says leaving.
"Not my Ice Cream Sandwiches!" The Jester yells.
He runs into Pun-man and STD man's room.
"Repressed Emotion has kidnapped my Ice Cream Sandwiches!" The Jester yells.
" Where's Mind-numbing Miriam?" Pun-man asks.
"He took her too " The Jester replies.
"And thats the order you choose to tell us those events in!?" STD man yells.
"Um..Yeah, order of seriousness." The Jester says calmly.
"...There is a special place in hell for people like you" says STD man.
"Thank you" The Jester replies.
Suddenly Super-Giant busts through the wall. "Good Godzilla! We have to save her!"
"Yeah!" The Jester replies, out of character.
They all run away while "To be Continues..." Appears at the bottom.
TUNE IN FOR THE FINAL PART!
NO NEW SUPER HERO'S SOZ BLUD!
OMFG THIS SERIES YOU'VE BEEN PAYING SO MUCH ATTENTION TO IS ENDING!?
YOU BET YOUR POPE LOVING ARSE IT IS!
ZOMG THIS IS IT!
I fed her her own thighs while she begged me to kill her, but I didn't give her such a luxury. After three hours and forty two minutes, she began to lose consciousness so I injected her with adrenaline and sowed her wound shut. She lived for an extra thirty eight minutes but for thirty two of them, she just wept and prayed. She didn't die of her wounds, oh no, she got on my nerves so I gave her what she craved, but not before I answered her screams of why I was doing what I was doing. She went pale by the time I was finished telling her how sick I was of working so that she could blow my cash on nothing more than her whorish hobbies at the local gentlemans club. It was THEN that I took her disembodied lower femur and swiftly cracked her skull, causing a internal blood loss and eventual brain damage. The fact she lacked both legs and half of her arm was just a way of teaching her a lesson.
I'll tell you this, the clean up was a real *cencored by comic code*"
There was silence for about thirty minutes, Pun-man fainted.
"Wh-why?" Mind-numbing Miriam said, craving the D ever so deeply.
"I had to warm up in case we get in some heat" Captain Mind-mash said, also wanting the D.
"He isnt breathing." Super-Giant says, looking after Pun-man.
"Then we should go faster." Captaint Mnd-mash says.
"And go to a hospital of course" says STD man.
"No way, I need to meet my father." The Jester inturups.
"Good idea" Captain Mind-mash respondes.
They all land on Mars. Mind-mash rolls down his window and turns on the atmosphere. "Here we are, now if I was a foot-baller, Rockstar, Martian Jedi...Where would I be?" Says Captain Mind-Mash, infront of the "Foot-ball, Rock music, Martian themed Star Wars bar". Everyone just looks at Captain Mind-mash while he thinks...The Jester shoves him violently and walks into the bar...Now, this bar looked like a rock n' roll version of the bar in Star Wars: New Hope. There is also a screen playing a football game of some kind...
All of a sudden everyones attention is drawn to the five legged man at the microphone. "And now ladies and gentlemen; All the way from his crogenic sleep. The multi platnium Rock n' Roll legend who also repressents Earth's football team...The one, The only: William Williams!" Suddenly a man jumps from behind a curtian...Imagine the human inbodiment of manly things; Action movies, motorcycles, beer...Yeah thats what he looked like, got a problem? Didnt think so.
He jumps out and plays http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icTws8ZOBmQ and every girl within three miles creams...Inculding Miriam but she would never admit it, even STD man creams....He never metioned it after this and gets angry if you bring it up.
After playing a heavy metal version of "Wake me up, before you Go-Go" and "Torn" he goes back stage.
"Lets go!" Mind-numbing Miriam yells, dripping for the D.
"No Shit-cake...Just me" The Jester says, stopping Miriam.
"I love those little pet names you give" Says Mind-numbing Miriam says sarcatically, which is a clear sighn of D wanting.
He runs back stage.
"Wow, no autographs dude" William says, after giving an autograph to a hot girl.
"I'm your son." The Jester says "And I need your help *Goes through part 1 and 2* So you see my dilemma."
Suddently a kid runs up to William with a bottle of water. "Here you go Mr. Williams"
"Thanks kid" Says William grabbing the bottle.
"I want the D" The Jester hears in this kids voice, but the kids mouth didnt move.
"This is Mr. Joel, he's a superhero too" William says.
"Whats his power?" The Jester asks.
"Telecenisis" Mr. Joel says.
"Not really, you cant read minds but people can read yours...Wouldent call that telecenisis" Says William.
"Whatever, Look I need your help!" The Jester asks.
"Look kid, I get that you're going through a lot right now, but so I am, I'm a mega celebrity. I've been in a crygenic sleep for over ten years bro" William replies.
"But.."
"Look kid...I'm just not up for it." William says leaving.
The Jester has a huge look of disapointment over his face.
He walks out, everyone is anticipating a response.
"Well?" Mind-numbing Miriam says.
"Nope. He's not intrested. Which I understand, I mean its a lot to ask of a person. Wait no its not, I'm getting worst." The Jester says worryingly.
"Let's just get a room in Premier Inn." Captain Mind-mash says.
"Nah, I'm already gutted I dont need to be common aswell" The Jester respondes.
Instead they stay at the Ritz, using STD man's card of course.
Pun-man is forced to sleep in the same bed as STD man, STD man spreads is body all over Pun-mans. Who looks annoyed for the first time.
Super-Giant is sleeping outside because he doesnt fit in the building, while Captain Mind-Mash is sleeping in his underpants.
Mind-numbing Miriam is forced to sleep on the floor because The Jester wants a whole bed for himself and while Miriam is trying to sleep he keeps whispering "The D" in her ear.
Suddenly the wall of Mind-numbing Miriam and The Jesters room gets busted open by Repressed Emotion, his huge claw grabs Mind-numbing Miriam. "To save This D wanter, your sisters and your ice cream sandwiches. Come to the generic Underground Layer here in Mars." Repressed Emotion says leaving.
"Not my Ice Cream Sandwiches!" The Jester yells.
He runs into Pun-man and STD man's room.
"Repressed Emotion has kidnapped my Ice Cream Sandwiches!" The Jester yells.
" Where's Mind-numbing Miriam?" Pun-man asks.
"He took her too " The Jester replies.
"And thats the order you choose to tell us those events in!?" STD man yells.
"Um..Yeah, order of seriousness." The Jester says calmly.
"...There is a special place in hell for people like you" says STD man.
"Thank you" The Jester replies.
Suddenly Super-Giant busts through the wall. "Good Godzilla! We have to save her!"
"Yeah!" The Jester replies, out of character.
They all run away while "To be Continues..." Appears at the bottom.
TUNE IN FOR THE FINAL PART!
NO NEW SUPER HERO'S SOZ BLUD!
OMFG THIS SERIES YOU'VE BEEN PAYING SO MUCH ATTENTION TO IS ENDING!?
YOU BET YOUR POPE LOVING ARSE IT IS!
ZOMG THIS IS IT!
Tuesday 9 April 2013
The Jester's emotional blankness part 2.
I would do a previously but I cant be arsed and if you dont remember what happend last time then shame on you.
The Jester, Mindnumbing Miriam, STD man and Pun man all stand on Super Giants hand so they can visit O'leary. Super Giant lifts his ma-hussive hand so they're in space. Luckily O'leary knew that this was going to happen because he is all knowing. So he turned the atmosphere on in advance.
"I know why you are here Jester." O'leary says, not wanting the D.
"How?" Says mind-numbing Miriam, wanting the D.
"I am all knowing, I thought you knew this?"
"She's hasnt met you before." Says the Jester, being really handsome.
"Oh yes sorry, The fact that I know everything sometimes causes confusion." Says O'leary.
"You can't know everything." says Mind-numbing Miriam with "everything" in bold.
"Oh yeah...You want the D."
"That's amazing!" Says Super-Giant.
"What!?" Mind-numbing Miriam yells.
"Obviously..." The Jester remarks.
"I guess you could say we're going through D-day." Pun-man spews out of his noise void.
Everyone gives Pun-man a look of disgust. This is him on the caring scale, he's at zero.
"I...I think my penis just retracced." The Jester remarks.
"Oh god, I need a shower and an Ice Tea." Super-Giant says.
"I feel like I need my soul dry-washed." Mindnumbing Miriam adds, seriously deprived of the D she so wishes she had.
"I'm pretty much invincible and that hurt." O'leary shivers.
"Why!?" Ash THE LIVING PLANET comments.
"Um...Anyway, Jester...I know why your here." O'leary says.
"thats handy." The Jester says.
"Yeah I know, but could you imagine if you had to explain to everyone you meet in this part everything that happend in part 1?" O'leary states.
"true" says Pun-man, also wanting the D...Just kidding he's not Miriam.
"I have just informed every super-hero." Says Super-Giant.
"How conviniant." STD man remarks.
"Anyway! You see, your emotions are so repressed that even I, the greatest mind in the universe can not pentrate repressed emotions hard skull." O'leary says with a dramatic zoom in.
"O'leary. You are so wise, and you do so much for us, how can we re-pay you? Maybe with a box of choclates or flowers. Uh! Gross!" Says the Jesters.
"My god it's worst than I thought...He's obviously out something on you that is slowly taking over your mind." O'leary comments with another dramatic zoom in. (Because one is not enough).
"He couldent of. He didnt have the chance." Suddenly, The Jester remembers...
Flaaaaaashbaaaack
"You're going to die today" Says Jester's dad, starting to hover.
"um, I dont think so" Suddenly The Jester shoots his dad directly in the eye. He falls back. The Jester slowly checks on his father's corpse. His father's hand quitly atttaches a red parasite to his leg with crawls into his body. All of a sudden it isnt his dad. The body morths into a giant red Spider/man (NOT spider-man.). "I am not you're father, I never was...I am REPRESSED EMOTION!"
Present day
"My god!" Says the Jester leaving his flash-back.
"That's awful!" Says STD man.
"wait, how do you know what happend?" The Jester askes.
"The writer couldent be bothered making you explain your flashback so instead we all just...know." Super Giant anwsers, he shakes his head at the reader.
" O'leary! I need to find my real father! Who and where is he!?" The Jester yells.
"Ask me nicer please, manners cost nothing." O'leary says like a *cencored by comic code.*
"uh....Please tell me who and where he is..." The Jester says quietly so Mind-numbing Miriam doesnt hear him being nice...She heard. And he will never live it down.
" Right...Are you ready for one hell of a story?" O'leary says, sitting down.
"Oh yes please!" Says Pun-man, like a child.
"Well...In the beginning there was nothing...Besides me....I created the universe and to rule the universe I created three other cosmic beings. Repressed emotions: Who would take care of the dark forces. Super Baby or Super Liz to her friends: She would control all living things. And a third one I havent decided yet...:I.
"Wait! My sister is a cosmic entity?" The Jester asks
"Yes." O'leary comments.
"And you know all cosmic entities?" The Jester says cunningly.
"Of course."
The Jester qucikly turns to STD man. "Told ya!" *refrance to part 1*
"And then there is me. I control everything else. Super Liz knows who your father is.
"Obvously...She's my sister." The Jester says.
"..."
"#donthate." The Jester tweets to O'leary.
O'leary checks his phone and cringes.
"Go! Hurry before this parasite takes over his body, the only person who can remove this parasite is...His father."
The team jump back to earth with no problem. The Jester and Mind-numbing Miriam jump into the D mobile. STD man rides Pun-man in a piggy-back style and Super-Giant jumps...And he is there.
Two hours later, Super Giant is waiting outside an old abandoned Cathedral.
Everyone arrives. "Finally!" Super Giant comments. They walk in...The place is a mess but sitting in the middle of the room with light shining down on her from a hole in the celling is what appears to be a four month old baby girl.
"Um...hey Elizabeth" The Jester says timmidly.
"hello my brother. What do wish from me?" Super-Liz says while bringing a butterfly back to life. She doesnt move her mouth, The voice is coming from her head and is voiced by Zoë Wanamaker.
"Right can I ask who my dad is?" The Jester says quietly, no one has seen the Jester act this way, he doesnt get on with babies.
"I dont know, can you?" Super-Liz says...Or rather...Thinks?
"Urgh...MAY I ask who my rather is?" The Jester says frustrated.
"Yes you may." Super Liz says, trolling. And Mind-numbing Miriam loves it.
The Jester puts his head on a cushion and screams into it.
"Who is my father?" The Jester says, trying to keep his cool.
"Whats the magic word?" Super Liz says. Suddenly the Jester grabs a chair and throws it at Super Liz but she stops it with her mind and throws it back, The Jester ducks and it hits Mind-numbing Miriam in the head.
Everyone laughs, besides Miriam of course.
"wow, she totally wants the D!" Super Liz says, who knows everything might I add.
"No I dont!" Miriam lies.
"Thats wasnt very nice Liz, I'm sorry Miriam. ARGH shut up!" The Jester says.
"wow, this is serious." Super Liz says in a serious voice. "our father is a foot-baller, rock star , martian, Jedi called William Williams."
"Haha, good one. No seriously, who is he?" The Jester says.
"I'm serious" Super Liz says.
"You need to get to Mars. The only person who has an avalible ride to Mars is...Captain Mind-mash."
GET READY FOR THE THIRD PART OUR OF FOUR!
COMING UP
. WILLIAM WILLIAMS.
. CAPTAIN MIND-MASH.
. MR. JOEL.
.YOUR MOTHER.
. MARGRET THATCHER, JOKING SHE'S DEAD.
The Jester, Mindnumbing Miriam, STD man and Pun man all stand on Super Giants hand so they can visit O'leary. Super Giant lifts his ma-hussive hand so they're in space. Luckily O'leary knew that this was going to happen because he is all knowing. So he turned the atmosphere on in advance.
"I know why you are here Jester." O'leary says, not wanting the D.
"How?" Says mind-numbing Miriam, wanting the D.
"I am all knowing, I thought you knew this?"
"She's hasnt met you before." Says the Jester, being really handsome.
"Oh yes sorry, The fact that I know everything sometimes causes confusion." Says O'leary.
"You can't know everything." says Mind-numbing Miriam with "everything" in bold.
"Oh yeah...You want the D."
"That's amazing!" Says Super-Giant.
"What!?" Mind-numbing Miriam yells.
"Obviously..." The Jester remarks.
"I guess you could say we're going through D-day." Pun-man spews out of his noise void.
Everyone gives Pun-man a look of disgust. This is him on the caring scale, he's at zero.
"I...I think my penis just retracced." The Jester remarks.
"Oh god, I need a shower and an Ice Tea." Super-Giant says.
"I feel like I need my soul dry-washed." Mindnumbing Miriam adds, seriously deprived of the D she so wishes she had.
"I'm pretty much invincible and that hurt." O'leary shivers.
"Why!?" Ash THE LIVING PLANET comments.
"Um...Anyway, Jester...I know why your here." O'leary says.
"thats handy." The Jester says.
"Yeah I know, but could you imagine if you had to explain to everyone you meet in this part everything that happend in part 1?" O'leary states.
"true" says Pun-man, also wanting the D...Just kidding he's not Miriam.
"I have just informed every super-hero." Says Super-Giant.
"How conviniant." STD man remarks.
"Anyway! You see, your emotions are so repressed that even I, the greatest mind in the universe can not pentrate repressed emotions hard skull." O'leary says with a dramatic zoom in.
"O'leary. You are so wise, and you do so much for us, how can we re-pay you? Maybe with a box of choclates or flowers. Uh! Gross!" Says the Jesters.
"My god it's worst than I thought...He's obviously out something on you that is slowly taking over your mind." O'leary comments with another dramatic zoom in. (Because one is not enough).
"He couldent of. He didnt have the chance." Suddenly, The Jester remembers...
Flaaaaaashbaaaack
"You're going to die today" Says Jester's dad, starting to hover.
"um, I dont think so" Suddenly The Jester shoots his dad directly in the eye. He falls back. The Jester slowly checks on his father's corpse. His father's hand quitly atttaches a red parasite to his leg with crawls into his body. All of a sudden it isnt his dad. The body morths into a giant red Spider/man (NOT spider-man.). "I am not you're father, I never was...I am REPRESSED EMOTION!"
Present day
"My god!" Says the Jester leaving his flash-back.
"That's awful!" Says STD man.
"wait, how do you know what happend?" The Jester askes.
"The writer couldent be bothered making you explain your flashback so instead we all just...know." Super Giant anwsers, he shakes his head at the reader.
" O'leary! I need to find my real father! Who and where is he!?" The Jester yells.
"Ask me nicer please, manners cost nothing." O'leary says like a *cencored by comic code.*
"uh....Please tell me who and where he is..." The Jester says quietly so Mind-numbing Miriam doesnt hear him being nice...She heard. And he will never live it down.
" Right...Are you ready for one hell of a story?" O'leary says, sitting down.
"Oh yes please!" Says Pun-man, like a child.
"Well...In the beginning there was nothing...Besides me....I created the universe and to rule the universe I created three other cosmic beings. Repressed emotions: Who would take care of the dark forces. Super Baby or Super Liz to her friends: She would control all living things. And a third one I havent decided yet...:I.
"Wait! My sister is a cosmic entity?" The Jester asks
"Yes." O'leary comments.
"And you know all cosmic entities?" The Jester says cunningly.
"Of course."
The Jester qucikly turns to STD man. "Told ya!" *refrance to part 1*
"And then there is me. I control everything else. Super Liz knows who your father is.
"Obvously...She's my sister." The Jester says.
"..."
"#donthate." The Jester tweets to O'leary.
O'leary checks his phone and cringes.
"Go! Hurry before this parasite takes over his body, the only person who can remove this parasite is...His father."
The team jump back to earth with no problem. The Jester and Mind-numbing Miriam jump into the D mobile. STD man rides Pun-man in a piggy-back style and Super-Giant jumps...And he is there.
Two hours later, Super Giant is waiting outside an old abandoned Cathedral.
Everyone arrives. "Finally!" Super Giant comments. They walk in...The place is a mess but sitting in the middle of the room with light shining down on her from a hole in the celling is what appears to be a four month old baby girl.
"Um...hey Elizabeth" The Jester says timmidly.
"hello my brother. What do wish from me?" Super-Liz says while bringing a butterfly back to life. She doesnt move her mouth, The voice is coming from her head and is voiced by Zoë Wanamaker.
"Right can I ask who my dad is?" The Jester says quietly, no one has seen the Jester act this way, he doesnt get on with babies.
"I dont know, can you?" Super-Liz says...Or rather...Thinks?
"Urgh...MAY I ask who my rather is?" The Jester says frustrated.
"Yes you may." Super Liz says, trolling. And Mind-numbing Miriam loves it.
The Jester puts his head on a cushion and screams into it.
"Who is my father?" The Jester says, trying to keep his cool.
"Whats the magic word?" Super Liz says. Suddenly the Jester grabs a chair and throws it at Super Liz but she stops it with her mind and throws it back, The Jester ducks and it hits Mind-numbing Miriam in the head.
Everyone laughs, besides Miriam of course.
"wow, she totally wants the D!" Super Liz says, who knows everything might I add.
"No I dont!" Miriam lies.
"Thats wasnt very nice Liz, I'm sorry Miriam. ARGH shut up!" The Jester says.
"wow, this is serious." Super Liz says in a serious voice. "our father is a foot-baller, rock star , martian, Jedi called William Williams."
"Haha, good one. No seriously, who is he?" The Jester says.
"I'm serious" Super Liz says.
"You need to get to Mars. The only person who has an avalible ride to Mars is...Captain Mind-mash."
GET READY FOR THE THIRD PART OUR OF FOUR!
COMING UP
. WILLIAM WILLIAMS.
. CAPTAIN MIND-MASH.
. MR. JOEL.
.YOUR MOTHER.
. MARGRET THATCHER, JOKING SHE'S DEAD.
Monday 8 April 2013
The Jester's emotional blankness part 1
So as you people probaly know,
Ulysses "http://rantsandramblingsoftheulyverse.blogspot.co.uk/" Jones has spent the last few months creating a whole comic universe and every character is a fictionalized version of real people. People from our school. Although I personally dont know any superheros a lot of the superheros characteristics are accurate. So rather than making comic books we have been writing stories instead, so I decided to write one here.
The Jester's bitter vengance
The pink flashing neon sighn of "Jester's sex casino of D pleasures" glimmered off the puddles of alcahol on the street in Creuddynopolis. Next to this sighn is a dark sewer grid. Under the dark grid is a long red staircase leading to The Jesters sex casino full of strippers and blackjack. Just imagine an x-rated version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Through the glass doors is a large office with a huge mahogany desk and a big spinny chair (because we all know how much The Jester loves spinny chairs) and next to this desk was a small desk like the ones you got in school and instead of a spinny chair there was one of those garden white plastic chairs that always break. The Jester walks in smoking a cigar...However I cant garantee that its tobacco thats in the cigar "but drugs are bad!" yeah well so is adultery but thats what your mum did. HEY-OH! *cough* anyway, The Jester sat down at his desk with a huge bundle of cash in his hand. He puts his feet on the table "One thousand three hundred and sixty three, one thousand three hundred and sixty four, one hundred...Um" (The Jester didnt get to go to school, instead he was raised in a Russian circus* but you dont see him whining about it like those africans in those adverts) . Mindnumbing Miriam walks into the office, so obviously The Jesters attention left the money and went on her rack. Which she noticed and thus threw a shoe at him. "Can't I get a real desk?" Mindnumbing Miriam says.
"Only when you admit you are gasping for the D".
"Nevermind" She sits on her rough chair. "Oh by the way your father is here".
"Shush your lying mouth!"
"I'm not lying!"
"All you do is lie!"
Mindnumbing Miriam rolls her eyes. "I lie!? Ha, think of all the times you've kij3ioghoheoheheoghoeg"
The Jester then covers his ears
"STAHP!"
"How am I lying" Miriam insists
"Well, my father is dead."
"Is he?"
"Yeah, I murdered him in Issue 43 "Rise of the Jester". I threw him in his own hell fire when I returned from the circus. Thats why I became the Jester"
"Well he's here" Miriam murmurs, wanting the D.
" Send him in" The Jester says while opening his blog.
"You do it!" Said Miriam, showing clear sighns of D wanting.
"THE D!" The Jester yells without a second thought.
Miriam gets up not wanting to waste her time on argueing with a guy who is totally awesome and has never been wrong because he is so super cool.....um.
A man in a large red cloak walks in. He looks the same as in issue 43 "Rise of the Jester" But he's a lost a lot of weight. Miriam enters behind him looking worried, she doesnt want to get involved between a pure family fued.
Suddenly the Jester hugs his father and they both laugh.
"Wait, what?" Miriam says, needing the D.
"hahaha, this guy is even more badass than me!" The Jester says, ready to give the D.
"He kidnapped you and made you fight dogs until you were rejected to be a sacrifice!"
"I know right how cool is that!" The Jester laughs.
Miriam just sits down at her mini-desk and puts her head in her hands, she will never understand the Jester.
"So whats up you evil son of a *cencored by comic code*" Says the Jester, sitting down.
"Well my son, I have a deal."
"What is it? Look man, I dont feel like fighting so can we postpone this for like next week?"
"No, we need to discuss this right here"
"fine." Says the Jester throwing a piece of paper at Miriams head.
"My cult leader has told me I need to destroy all of my spawn. That includes you."
"hmmm I dont think so"
"You're first; then O.G. then MADeline and then Happy Hatty. And then Mega Liz."
"No!" says The Jester standing up and being all dramtic "They're the only people who find me funny!"
"Amen." Says Miriam, desprate for the D.
"Look, you say you respect religion. Well, accept mine."
"Yeah, I respect religion when it doesnt effect other people. Murdering me will sort of affect me"
Jester's father's sideburns suddently glow a red colour and his eyes turns a yellow colour.
"You're going to die today" Says Jester's dad, starting to hover.
"um, I dont think so" Suddenly The Jester shoots his dad directly in the eye. He falls back. The Jester slowly checks on his father's corpse. All of a sudden it isnt his dad. The body morths into a giant red Spider/man (NOT spider-man.). "I am not you're father, I never was...I am REPRESSED EMOTION!"
"No! Who is my father!?"
"William Williams." Repressed emotion yells in a hissing voice.
"where has he been!? Have you kidnapped him!?"
"No he's been in work this whole time."
"seriously?"
"Hey, your dad does a lot of work!"
As The Jester is about to take another shot Repressed Emotion jumps through the celling. (I say celling, Is it more floor because they're underground?) anyway, he jumps through and runs away while destorying cars in his way.
The Jester turns to Miriam "I take and I take and I never give anything back." Imagine the biggest shock someone can go through, well thats what Miriam just went through.
"Oh no, Repressed Emotion is making you have....HEALTHY FEELINGS!"
"Oh god no! Quick before it gets worst." The Jester runs to his fire man pole which is shaped like a *cencored by comic code*. Miriam takes the stairs.
"Quickly get in the D mobile, I need to get to N.E.R.D.S. HQ!"
"There is no way I am getting in the D mobile."
"You're right. I am being completly unsensitive. Oh god! Hurry!"
The both jump in the car without doing their seatbelts because #yolo and they drive quickly to N.E.R.D.S. HQ. In the Head quarters are three mega cool hero's. Super Giant is trying to connect the Wi-Fi to S.M.I.T.H. while Pun-man is asleep on the table and STD man is trying to get an itch on his back with Pun man's rice fork. They are clearly bored out of their minds.
The Jester slams open the door, however the noise wasnt loud enough for his ego so he leaves and tries again five seconds later he tries again and this time the noise is adiquite.
"Ladies, we have a major problem!"
"What is it?" Pun- man says grabbing his fork and eating some rice while STD man tries not to vomit.
"My dad is not my real dad, he is infact my repressed emotion manifestated in the shape of a cultist ftaher. My real dad is apparently a badass like me! And if I dont stop him he'll give me normal, functioning human emotions!"
everyone smiles.
"And kill my sisters!"
everyone gasps and is worried.
"Holy hobbits!" Super Giant screams in a cheesy voice.
"What can should we do!?" STD man screams.
"two things: One, go to O'leary. Repressed emotion is a cosmic being and so is O'leary."
"Oh so you just assume that all cosmic beings know each other!" STD man accuses.
"What? No i didnt mean that, one of my best friends is a cosmic being. Anyway; second. We find my real dad."
TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS GUYS!
HERO'S COMING UP:
. O'LEARY.
. WILLIAM WILLIAMS.
. MEGA BABY.
. CAPTAIN MIND-MASH.
.
Ulysses "http://rantsandramblingsoftheulyverse.blogspot.co.uk/" Jones has spent the last few months creating a whole comic universe and every character is a fictionalized version of real people. People from our school. Although I personally dont know any superheros a lot of the superheros characteristics are accurate. So rather than making comic books we have been writing stories instead, so I decided to write one here.
The Jester's bitter vengance
The pink flashing neon sighn of "Jester's sex casino of D pleasures" glimmered off the puddles of alcahol on the street in Creuddynopolis. Next to this sighn is a dark sewer grid. Under the dark grid is a long red staircase leading to The Jesters sex casino full of strippers and blackjack. Just imagine an x-rated version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Through the glass doors is a large office with a huge mahogany desk and a big spinny chair (because we all know how much The Jester loves spinny chairs) and next to this desk was a small desk like the ones you got in school and instead of a spinny chair there was one of those garden white plastic chairs that always break. The Jester walks in smoking a cigar...However I cant garantee that its tobacco thats in the cigar "but drugs are bad!" yeah well so is adultery but thats what your mum did. HEY-OH! *cough* anyway, The Jester sat down at his desk with a huge bundle of cash in his hand. He puts his feet on the table "One thousand three hundred and sixty three, one thousand three hundred and sixty four, one hundred...Um" (The Jester didnt get to go to school, instead he was raised in a Russian circus* but you dont see him whining about it like those africans in those adverts) . Mindnumbing Miriam walks into the office, so obviously The Jesters attention left the money and went on her rack. Which she noticed and thus threw a shoe at him. "Can't I get a real desk?" Mindnumbing Miriam says.
"Only when you admit you are gasping for the D".
"Nevermind" She sits on her rough chair. "Oh by the way your father is here".
"Shush your lying mouth!"
"I'm not lying!"
"All you do is lie!"
Mindnumbing Miriam rolls her eyes. "I lie!? Ha, think of all the times you've kij3ioghoheoheheoghoeg"
The Jester then covers his ears
"STAHP!"
"How am I lying" Miriam insists
"Well, my father is dead."
"Is he?"
"Yeah, I murdered him in Issue 43 "Rise of the Jester". I threw him in his own hell fire when I returned from the circus. Thats why I became the Jester"
"Well he's here" Miriam murmurs, wanting the D.
" Send him in" The Jester says while opening his blog.
"You do it!" Said Miriam, showing clear sighns of D wanting.
"THE D!" The Jester yells without a second thought.
Miriam gets up not wanting to waste her time on argueing with a guy who is totally awesome and has never been wrong because he is so super cool.....um.
A man in a large red cloak walks in. He looks the same as in issue 43 "Rise of the Jester" But he's a lost a lot of weight. Miriam enters behind him looking worried, she doesnt want to get involved between a pure family fued.
Suddenly the Jester hugs his father and they both laugh.
"Wait, what?" Miriam says, needing the D.
"hahaha, this guy is even more badass than me!" The Jester says, ready to give the D.
"He kidnapped you and made you fight dogs until you were rejected to be a sacrifice!"
"I know right how cool is that!" The Jester laughs.
Miriam just sits down at her mini-desk and puts her head in her hands, she will never understand the Jester.
"So whats up you evil son of a *cencored by comic code*" Says the Jester, sitting down.
"Well my son, I have a deal."
"What is it? Look man, I dont feel like fighting so can we postpone this for like next week?"
"No, we need to discuss this right here"
"fine." Says the Jester throwing a piece of paper at Miriams head.
"My cult leader has told me I need to destroy all of my spawn. That includes you."
"hmmm I dont think so"
"You're first; then O.G. then MADeline and then Happy Hatty. And then Mega Liz."
"No!" says The Jester standing up and being all dramtic "They're the only people who find me funny!"
"Amen." Says Miriam, desprate for the D.
"Look, you say you respect religion. Well, accept mine."
"Yeah, I respect religion when it doesnt effect other people. Murdering me will sort of affect me"
Jester's father's sideburns suddently glow a red colour and his eyes turns a yellow colour.
"You're going to die today" Says Jester's dad, starting to hover.
"um, I dont think so" Suddenly The Jester shoots his dad directly in the eye. He falls back. The Jester slowly checks on his father's corpse. All of a sudden it isnt his dad. The body morths into a giant red Spider/man (NOT spider-man.). "I am not you're father, I never was...I am REPRESSED EMOTION!"
"No! Who is my father!?"
"William Williams." Repressed emotion yells in a hissing voice.
"where has he been!? Have you kidnapped him!?"
"No he's been in work this whole time."
"seriously?"
"Hey, your dad does a lot of work!"
As The Jester is about to take another shot Repressed Emotion jumps through the celling. (I say celling, Is it more floor because they're underground?) anyway, he jumps through and runs away while destorying cars in his way.
The Jester turns to Miriam "I take and I take and I never give anything back." Imagine the biggest shock someone can go through, well thats what Miriam just went through.
"Oh no, Repressed Emotion is making you have....HEALTHY FEELINGS!"
"Oh god no! Quick before it gets worst." The Jester runs to his fire man pole which is shaped like a *cencored by comic code*. Miriam takes the stairs.
"Quickly get in the D mobile, I need to get to N.E.R.D.S. HQ!"
"There is no way I am getting in the D mobile."
"You're right. I am being completly unsensitive. Oh god! Hurry!"
The both jump in the car without doing their seatbelts because #yolo and they drive quickly to N.E.R.D.S. HQ. In the Head quarters are three mega cool hero's. Super Giant is trying to connect the Wi-Fi to S.M.I.T.H. while Pun-man is asleep on the table and STD man is trying to get an itch on his back with Pun man's rice fork. They are clearly bored out of their minds.
The Jester slams open the door, however the noise wasnt loud enough for his ego so he leaves and tries again five seconds later he tries again and this time the noise is adiquite.
"Ladies, we have a major problem!"
"What is it?" Pun- man says grabbing his fork and eating some rice while STD man tries not to vomit.
"My dad is not my real dad, he is infact my repressed emotion manifestated in the shape of a cultist ftaher. My real dad is apparently a badass like me! And if I dont stop him he'll give me normal, functioning human emotions!"
everyone smiles.
"And kill my sisters!"
everyone gasps and is worried.
"Holy hobbits!" Super Giant screams in a cheesy voice.
"What can should we do!?" STD man screams.
"two things: One, go to O'leary. Repressed emotion is a cosmic being and so is O'leary."
"Oh so you just assume that all cosmic beings know each other!" STD man accuses.
"What? No i didnt mean that, one of my best friends is a cosmic being. Anyway; second. We find my real dad."
TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS GUYS!
HERO'S COMING UP:
. O'LEARY.
. WILLIAM WILLIAMS.
. MEGA BABY.
. CAPTAIN MIND-MASH.
.
Thursday 4 April 2013
The door. A horror story by Jacob Williams.
It happend on August 17th 1948.
My home in Oxford was destroyed in the war. It is truely undescribable, the feeling of seeing these things you bought yourself . These things you placed in certain places and assumed would stay there forever. Well, for the length of time you'd have the house. And now not only is it no longer there. But it is scattered and broken, like our country. Hm, intresting metaphor.
My new house was small...Much smaller than my original home. a sort of faded yellow colour wall with dark green pin stripes. Hard wood floor that creaked like an old man's voice. It was dreadfully cold. You saw your breath like it was your soul escaping. The maid brought Thomas in.
Thomas' mother died last month. So Thomas will grow without a mother, tragic. He's only four months old.
Thomas cried as soon as he entered the house, I blamed the coldness. If only I knew.
It was five o clock when I found the door. I was checking any room and then I saw this door at the end of one of the corridors. I went the grab the knob and a feeling of cold water dripping down my back arrived, A familier feeling I got whenever something bad was about to happen.
The former occupants of this house was a family, The Green family. They left in 1925, leaving all there belongings. They even left the front door open. In 1928 The father and the mother were both committed to Yardport home for the mentally ill in Bristol due to paranoya, claiming they saw "the man" in the corner of their eyes and would scream bloody murder almost every waking hour, they said they screamed because he started to raise his arms slowly. In 1930 they both killed themselves. The mother broke her own neck by jamming it between the bed and the wall and jerking backwards violently so her neck snapped. The father banged his head againts the wall until he cracked his cranium and suffered internal bleeding. The two children. Susan and Harry were adopted by two diffrent families. Bless them they were only young. Harry was sent away for killing his adopted father with a pair of scissors. He cut his jugular directly. As if he knew. And Susan hung herself with her bed sheets. Tragic. You could imagine why no one lived here for all this time.
I slowly reached for the brass door knob. Feeling my heart pouncing out of my chest. I turned it in half a second and opened it to find a brick wall! Red bricks. How odd.
That night at half nine I was giving Thomas his last bottle...Of cow milk seeing that his mother....When all of a sudden a slow, eerie creak was heard. The maid left at eight so I was basically all alone. I held in my breath to prevent my breathing inturupting the noises I was hearing. Thomas cried strongly. Like her broke a bone or something. I couldent stop him I ran around the house looking for a phone so I could call my mother who would help. When he stopped. He stopped crying right in front of the door. His face was pale white, his eyes wide. I could feel his heart pounding. There was no brick wall...There was darkness. I slowly headed upstairs for the phone, keeping my eyes on the door, The stairs creeked almost identical to the door creak. I grabbed the phone and dialed my mother's number....It didnt ring. As I began pacing the phone fell of the table. The cord had been cut, upon furthur inspection I found it wasnt cut...But chewed. It was chewed. I paniced, worried about my son. I ran (still holding him) down the stairs to find that the door had been closed and I felt that all too familer feeling of cold water trinckling down my spine...I felt a presance to my left, almost like a breeze. I turned slowly, dreading what I would see. And there he was. A tall, thin pale man with no clothing, Yet nothing for me to tell it was a man. It would easily be a woman. His eyes gouged out, yet no blood. Just darkness. Like he was empty inside. His mouth was wide and it spread all over his face. Again just darkness. His fingers long and thin and sharp at the end. They moved slowly and nervously. I didnt get a look at his feet, I couldent bare it. All of my body froze, I have no idea what Thomas was like. The creature slowly leaned to the right. That creaking noise again. Was that creaking noise I heard the door? Or the man in my house. I let out a faint, dry cry as Thomas slipped out my arms. My eyes not leaving the creatures face. However in the corner of my eye I saw Thomas slide across the floor. Almost like he was being pulled and he slip up the fire place. After that. There was blackness. I awoke by the Maid shaking me asking me where Thomas was.
And now here I am in Yardport home for the mentally ill in Bristol. Apparently I stabbed Thomas and shoved him up the fire place. However I know it was the creature that did it! And I know what my name is! It's not Harry Green like the papers say! It's....um....
My home in Oxford was destroyed in the war. It is truely undescribable, the feeling of seeing these things you bought yourself . These things you placed in certain places and assumed would stay there forever. Well, for the length of time you'd have the house. And now not only is it no longer there. But it is scattered and broken, like our country. Hm, intresting metaphor.
My new house was small...Much smaller than my original home. a sort of faded yellow colour wall with dark green pin stripes. Hard wood floor that creaked like an old man's voice. It was dreadfully cold. You saw your breath like it was your soul escaping. The maid brought Thomas in.
Thomas' mother died last month. So Thomas will grow without a mother, tragic. He's only four months old.
Thomas cried as soon as he entered the house, I blamed the coldness. If only I knew.
It was five o clock when I found the door. I was checking any room and then I saw this door at the end of one of the corridors. I went the grab the knob and a feeling of cold water dripping down my back arrived, A familier feeling I got whenever something bad was about to happen.
The former occupants of this house was a family, The Green family. They left in 1925, leaving all there belongings. They even left the front door open. In 1928 The father and the mother were both committed to Yardport home for the mentally ill in Bristol due to paranoya, claiming they saw "the man" in the corner of their eyes and would scream bloody murder almost every waking hour, they said they screamed because he started to raise his arms slowly. In 1930 they both killed themselves. The mother broke her own neck by jamming it between the bed and the wall and jerking backwards violently so her neck snapped. The father banged his head againts the wall until he cracked his cranium and suffered internal bleeding. The two children. Susan and Harry were adopted by two diffrent families. Bless them they were only young. Harry was sent away for killing his adopted father with a pair of scissors. He cut his jugular directly. As if he knew. And Susan hung herself with her bed sheets. Tragic. You could imagine why no one lived here for all this time.
I slowly reached for the brass door knob. Feeling my heart pouncing out of my chest. I turned it in half a second and opened it to find a brick wall! Red bricks. How odd.
That night at half nine I was giving Thomas his last bottle...Of cow milk seeing that his mother....When all of a sudden a slow, eerie creak was heard. The maid left at eight so I was basically all alone. I held in my breath to prevent my breathing inturupting the noises I was hearing. Thomas cried strongly. Like her broke a bone or something. I couldent stop him I ran around the house looking for a phone so I could call my mother who would help. When he stopped. He stopped crying right in front of the door. His face was pale white, his eyes wide. I could feel his heart pounding. There was no brick wall...There was darkness. I slowly headed upstairs for the phone, keeping my eyes on the door, The stairs creeked almost identical to the door creak. I grabbed the phone and dialed my mother's number....It didnt ring. As I began pacing the phone fell of the table. The cord had been cut, upon furthur inspection I found it wasnt cut...But chewed. It was chewed. I paniced, worried about my son. I ran (still holding him) down the stairs to find that the door had been closed and I felt that all too familer feeling of cold water trinckling down my spine...I felt a presance to my left, almost like a breeze. I turned slowly, dreading what I would see. And there he was. A tall, thin pale man with no clothing, Yet nothing for me to tell it was a man. It would easily be a woman. His eyes gouged out, yet no blood. Just darkness. Like he was empty inside. His mouth was wide and it spread all over his face. Again just darkness. His fingers long and thin and sharp at the end. They moved slowly and nervously. I didnt get a look at his feet, I couldent bare it. All of my body froze, I have no idea what Thomas was like. The creature slowly leaned to the right. That creaking noise again. Was that creaking noise I heard the door? Or the man in my house. I let out a faint, dry cry as Thomas slipped out my arms. My eyes not leaving the creatures face. However in the corner of my eye I saw Thomas slide across the floor. Almost like he was being pulled and he slip up the fire place. After that. There was blackness. I awoke by the Maid shaking me asking me where Thomas was.
And now here I am in Yardport home for the mentally ill in Bristol. Apparently I stabbed Thomas and shoved him up the fire place. However I know it was the creature that did it! And I know what my name is! It's not Harry Green like the papers say! It's....um....
My personal views= Things I like...
Things I like that no one else like:
The idea of communism: It's the closet thing to true equality however it is a honey pot for crazy power hungry people who become dictators. Therefore it has a bad name.
Ricky Gervais: Everyone seems to hate him, however I find that he is truely a good person, think about all he's done for charity and because he makes a few jokes and expresses his opinion we should all hate him.
Jonathon Ross: I think he's awesome; where as all my family hate him, and think he's annoying. But they love Keith Lemon...Hmmm.
Things I hate that everyone else likes:
Psychic Sally: I dont believe in mediums in general. But everyone loves her because she's so "sweet". Yeah lying to a crying mother is really sweet. She uses this basic sugar coating as a way for people to not question her. "She's an evil scam artist", "Don't say that she's so nice!". Don't you think she knows this, if she's cunning enough to knowing lie and take money from people in peoples faces, dont you think she's horrible enough to have figured out that this "sweet" personality would cause her a little sympathy. She is evil and disgusting.
Christian Bale Batman and Bane: I think I am litrally the only person who didnt like "Dark Knight Rises". I did like "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight" however Bane spoilt this for me. Well, lets start with Christian Bale Batman, I dont know why Nolan casted him; He has no Bruce Wayne-ness what so ever. Also I dont know why Michael Cain was casted either, He's awesome but he definatly did not suit Alfred either! The casting is terrible in Nolan- Batman films. And dont get me started on Bane. I said as soon as we heard who the villian would be that it was a bad choice, and I still believe it. He is not a powerful enough character to support a lead antagonist role. Even if you make him talk and and make him more sinister and totally soil on the character in general. It's stil the same guy.
The olympics: It's boring, I dont care if you call me a traitor or a nazi or whatever ridiculous thing. I hate the olympics. At least the paralympics is funny! trololololololol.
The idea of communism: It's the closet thing to true equality however it is a honey pot for crazy power hungry people who become dictators. Therefore it has a bad name.
Ricky Gervais: Everyone seems to hate him, however I find that he is truely a good person, think about all he's done for charity and because he makes a few jokes and expresses his opinion we should all hate him.
Jonathon Ross: I think he's awesome; where as all my family hate him, and think he's annoying. But they love Keith Lemon...Hmmm.
Things I hate that everyone else likes:
Psychic Sally: I dont believe in mediums in general. But everyone loves her because she's so "sweet". Yeah lying to a crying mother is really sweet. She uses this basic sugar coating as a way for people to not question her. "She's an evil scam artist", "Don't say that she's so nice!". Don't you think she knows this, if she's cunning enough to knowing lie and take money from people in peoples faces, dont you think she's horrible enough to have figured out that this "sweet" personality would cause her a little sympathy. She is evil and disgusting.
Christian Bale Batman and Bane: I think I am litrally the only person who didnt like "Dark Knight Rises". I did like "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight" however Bane spoilt this for me. Well, lets start with Christian Bale Batman, I dont know why Nolan casted him; He has no Bruce Wayne-ness what so ever. Also I dont know why Michael Cain was casted either, He's awesome but he definatly did not suit Alfred either! The casting is terrible in Nolan- Batman films. And dont get me started on Bane. I said as soon as we heard who the villian would be that it was a bad choice, and I still believe it. He is not a powerful enough character to support a lead antagonist role. Even if you make him talk and and make him more sinister and totally soil on the character in general. It's stil the same guy.
The olympics: It's boring, I dont care if you call me a traitor or a nazi or whatever ridiculous thing. I hate the olympics. At least the paralympics is funny! trololololololol.
Wednesday 3 April 2013
Blog update for the Week
I know I am very new but I am going to inform my non existant forum of whats coming this week
Tommorow
. Music nowadays
. My personal views and values.
. To end the night; A ghost story.
Friday
. Why the educational system is old fashioned and out dated.
. A song.
Weekend.
NOTHING YOU IDIOT! I SAID I WONT BLOG ON WEEKENDS! Im kidding my two fans you're not idiots.
Tommorow
. Music nowadays
. My personal views and values.
. To end the night; A ghost story.
Friday
. Why the educational system is old fashioned and out dated.
. A song.
Weekend.
NOTHING YOU IDIOT! I SAID I WONT BLOG ON WEEKENDS! Im kidding my two fans you're not idiots.
A letter to my ten year old self.
This is usually done around New Years or birthdays, but those days are usually spent..Yknow. SOCIALIZING! So instead I am doing it now. Basically what this is is a letter that I would give to me when I was ten. I refuse to spoil anything about future, I will not tell myself my struggles because they are what made me awesome.
To Jacob.
Hey, um how's it going, its sixteen year old you here, yes I know you dont believe me and I dont blame you for that it is currently impossible to travel in time and as you know we have agreed that if we had a time machine we would destroy it. But regardless, here I am doing something totally out of characte. Not much has changed, your going to get a lot more intrested and girls....I say girls, boobs, specifically boobs will intrest you a lot. But there will be two or three girls who will hold your attention and one that you will eventually love. But thats all I'll tell you, I want you to make your own mistakes, which is why I wont tell you which crowds to hang around because hanging out with one crowd will cause you to do the stupidest thing you've ever done but will change you for the better. You will lose a lot of friends soon, not out of rage but because you're going down a diffrent path from them. However the good ones will stick around and some fresh faces will appear...But most of them are dicks. Im fatter, angrier and more into movies and thats whats changed, I still laugh at sex jokes and I'm still very rebelious. I still want to be a superhero and I still havent DONE it. Tennage Mutant Ninja Turtles are still my insperations although Cartoon Network is shite. But having said that you'll find some new shows like "The Office" and "Scrubs".
And finally dont be afraid to say who you are, be proud of your weirdness rather than trying to be cool. Dont be afraid to tell everyone that you are and atheist now...It was around now I think...Anyway, never take anything seriously because in the end everyone will be at the same level: Underground. And please, keep trying to teach the world that it's okay to laugh.
See ya in the future...
Oh P.S. Michael Jackson dies, we cure HIV and please...Stay away from the internet! It will ruin you.
To Jacob.
Hey, um how's it going, its sixteen year old you here, yes I know you dont believe me and I dont blame you for that it is currently impossible to travel in time and as you know we have agreed that if we had a time machine we would destroy it. But regardless, here I am doing something totally out of characte. Not much has changed, your going to get a lot more intrested and girls....I say girls, boobs, specifically boobs will intrest you a lot. But there will be two or three girls who will hold your attention and one that you will eventually love. But thats all I'll tell you, I want you to make your own mistakes, which is why I wont tell you which crowds to hang around because hanging out with one crowd will cause you to do the stupidest thing you've ever done but will change you for the better. You will lose a lot of friends soon, not out of rage but because you're going down a diffrent path from them. However the good ones will stick around and some fresh faces will appear...But most of them are dicks. Im fatter, angrier and more into movies and thats whats changed, I still laugh at sex jokes and I'm still very rebelious. I still want to be a superhero and I still havent DONE it. Tennage Mutant Ninja Turtles are still my insperations although Cartoon Network is shite. But having said that you'll find some new shows like "The Office" and "Scrubs".
And finally dont be afraid to say who you are, be proud of your weirdness rather than trying to be cool. Dont be afraid to tell everyone that you are and atheist now...It was around now I think...Anyway, never take anything seriously because in the end everyone will be at the same level: Underground. And please, keep trying to teach the world that it's okay to laugh.
See ya in the future...
Oh P.S. Michael Jackson dies, we cure HIV and please...Stay away from the internet! It will ruin you.
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