VERY long Adam Sandler rant.

Holy shit! Is this red font!? You bet your butter ball arse it is!

That's enough of that. Right. What are we talking about?

What annoys me? Oh I know, Adam-fucking-Sandler. He annoys me, not such much him. But his most recent movies. Let's go through his recent Filmography shall we?

Right let's start with the good shit.

Airheads (1994): A comedy about three metal heads who try to get their music heard on the radio by taking a radio station hostage with fake guns. There is the leader (Brendan Fraiser) The sorta-crazy one (Steve Buscemi) and then Adam Sandler plays Pip who is the slow sorta minion. This is a great flick. Very original and awesome casting, the script is a little dry but a genuininly decent film.


Billy Madison (1995): What else can you call this film other than a comedy classic, there are lines in this film that I use in day to day life; for example "You aint cool, unless you pee your pants!" I friggin live by that quote bro! It's about a Man-Child who's rich father wont let him run the hotel's they own until he passes school again because he is an idiot. Again increadably original and hysterical. I could watch this film no matter what and smile. One of the best flicks of all time.


Happy Gilmore (1996): This is a stage movie fans call "90's Sandler" which was the Golden Age of comedy. This one is about a psychopathic, violent hockey player who is shite at hockey but is good at golf and stuff. Again, comedy classic. Nothing wrong with it, plus it is the film which has one of the rarest sights of all time. Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller in the same fricking movie! Thats worth and academy award!?

The Wedding Singer (1998): I realise i left out Bulletproof (1996) but everyone is allowed a flop. If you are to condem someone for a flop then you are not allowed to judge. Anyway again The Wedding Singer is also a classic comedy film, plus Stephen Lynch is in it which is a plus!

And now; The difficult bit.


Waterboy (1998): I dont know what happend between The Wedding Singer and now but I think Adam sold his soul to Satan himself. In this film Adam plays a man with learning difficulties who serves water to the local football players, he also has a weird fetish for water. And when it is revealed that he is good at football the coach Arthur Fonzerelli tries to get him on the team but Adams over bearing mother Annie Wilkes doesnt want it o cause its dangerous. This film was not only a mockery of ficitional characters with mental problems like Forrest  Gump, Raymond Babbit and Karl Childers. But was an insult to the fact that people with learning difficulties can do things. It was a joke of a film and not in a good way, And this is when he started casting those two failures; You know the one with the weird laugh, and the one with the weird accent. Yeah, them and dont get me started on Alan Covert.

Big Daddy (1999): If you thought Waterboy was an insult, you havent seen anything yet. This film is about Adam Sandler being a rich poor person(I know I dont get it either) who's roommate goes on holiday and then ahis kid who he didnt know about appears and Adam raises him for like a week.  First of all the script was like a bird flew into the office and stood in ink and walked all over the paper. And they just printed it, Adam Sandler only got casted because he was Adam Sandler. Someone like Jason Lee would of suited the role better and perhaps I could leave it then. And finally, the message is corrupt, Adam Sandler's character says that kids should make their own lives and choose what they want to do without any parental concent, his mind does not change and it is seen as the moral of the film. This is the kind of parental mentality that causes "16 and pregnant".


Little Nicky(2000): It just gets worst, Adam plays the spawn of Satan in this film, he appears to be an emo who has  muscular dystrophy or something. But when his gay brother and his black brother get jeolous they leave hell which somehow means that souls cant get in? So Adam goes to earth and its a hilarious tale about the spawn of Satan in New York....Wow, the plot is painful and too much goes unexplained. It also makes out that no one in New York has an intelligance over four. And I know they're Americans but still. If it was that easy to turn everyone into an atheist it would of been done already, I wish people were that suggestable.

And now we enter; The Dark Ages...


Mr. Deeds(2002): Based on an old film in which no one saw, Adam Sandler plays a direct decendant of a rich person and he's this redneck dude in a rich guys life. Thats the entire story. I am not joking. Nothing else happen. They also gave Alan Covert too much bits in it, which if you ask me is over three lines. This was the worst, it is hard to put into words how awful this was, you need to see it damn it!

Anger Managment (2003): Adam Sandler plays a guy who is totally NOT anrgy and is in a totally HUMAN relationship but that apparently a sighn of his inner-anger and Jack Nicholson gives him anger managment, which apparently means destroying a mans life 'till hes at the brink of suicide and then letting him know that hes passed Anger Managment. Wow, like...Wow, the stuff Jack Nicholsons character does is so wrong in everyway, and when Adam Sandler's character finds out.....He's fine! He's fine that he lost his job and the love of his life! Hahaha all fun and games.

The Longest Yard(2005): I dont know why people keep casting Chris Rock in things...Adam Sandler plays a profesional football player who gets sent to a federal prison for driving under the influance...Yeah...Anyway, so the guards mistreat the prisons....Even though they're like, murders and baby rapist....Anyway so um to....To stop them from being nasty, they um they have a huge game of football againts them and if they win they have to be nice....Just like in real life, yeah was that the plot of the original? Cause if so then I can only have a go at their choice of films to remake.

Click(2006): Not necesserly a bad idea, a man gets a remote that remote controls everything around him, I think it would of worked better as an episode of the Twilight Zone rather than a comedy film. As the film progresses, the plot thickens and turns from a: Family Comedy to It's a Wonderful life to A Christmas Carol. Which was sloppy and spoiled what could of had the potential to be a "meh" film.

One film I wont even take the time out to discuss is "I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry(2007)"
for reason only to be explain through watching the film. In fact lets just go straight to two of the most reacent disasters...

Grown Ups(2010): Wow, we need to go through the cast of this mess first. Seeing that that is the focus point of the story

Adam Sandler: No point, this whole article is about him.

Kevin James: The premise of a Kevin James bit : "Uh Oh! Fat man fall down!"

Chris Rock: Is better than this, for shizzle.

David Spade: Isnt better than this.

Rob Schneider: One of the most hated and unemployed men in Hollywood and would be on the streets if he didnt live in Adam Sandlers basement.

The story and script is half-baked aswell...But the focus point is the painful cast and the dry jokes.


And now....The moment everyone has been waiting for...


Jack and Jill(2011): The plot: "Uh oh! Now I'm being silly!" One Adam Sandler is enough! We dont need two! Especially one that has an even more annoying voice than Adam himself! Uhhhhhhh this film was blurgh! Imagine how much they payed Al Pacino for his pointless appearance.



I'm done, if you read it all you have no life if you didnt and skipped to the end I am very ashamed of you.



See you in the dreams...