So as you people probaly know,
Ulysses "http://rantsandramblingsoftheulyverse.blogspot.co.uk/" Jones has spent the last few months creating a whole comic universe and every character is a fictionalized version of real people. People from our school. Although I personally dont know any superheros a lot of the superheros characteristics are accurate. So rather than making comic books we have been writing stories instead, so I decided to write one here.
The Jester's bitter vengance
The pink flashing neon sighn of "Jester's sex casino of D pleasures" glimmered off the puddles of alcahol on the street in Creuddynopolis. Next to this sighn is a dark sewer grid. Under the dark grid is a long red staircase leading to The Jesters sex casino full of strippers and blackjack. Just imagine an x-rated version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Through the glass doors is a large office with a huge mahogany desk and a big spinny chair (because we all know how much The Jester loves spinny chairs) and next to this desk was a small desk like the ones you got in school and instead of a spinny chair there was one of those garden white plastic chairs that always break. The Jester walks in smoking a cigar...However I cant garantee that its tobacco thats in the cigar "but drugs are bad!" yeah well so is adultery but thats what your mum did. HEY-OH! *cough* anyway, The Jester sat down at his desk with a huge bundle of cash in his hand. He puts his feet on the table "One thousand three hundred and sixty three, one thousand three hundred and sixty four, one hundred...Um" (The Jester didnt get to go to school, instead he was raised in a Russian circus* but you dont see him whining about it like those africans in those adverts) . Mindnumbing Miriam walks into the office, so obviously The Jesters attention left the money and went on her rack. Which she noticed and thus threw a shoe at him. "Can't I get a real desk?" Mindnumbing Miriam says.
"Only when you admit you are gasping for the D".
"Nevermind" She sits on her rough chair. "Oh by the way your father is here".
"Shush your lying mouth!"
"I'm not lying!"
"All you do is lie!"
Mindnumbing Miriam rolls her eyes. "I lie!? Ha, think of all the times you've kij3ioghoheoheheoghoeg"
The Jester then covers his ears
"STAHP!"
"How am I lying" Miriam insists
"Well, my father is dead."
"Is he?"
"Yeah, I murdered him in Issue 43 "Rise of the Jester". I threw him in his own hell fire when I returned from the circus. Thats why I became the Jester"
"Well he's here" Miriam murmurs, wanting the D.
" Send him in" The Jester says while opening his blog.
"You do it!" Said Miriam, showing clear sighns of D wanting.
"THE D!" The Jester yells without a second thought.
Miriam gets up not wanting to waste her time on argueing with a guy who is totally awesome and has never been wrong because he is so super cool.....um.
A man in a large red cloak walks in. He looks the same as in issue 43 "Rise of the Jester" But he's a lost a lot of weight. Miriam enters behind him looking worried, she doesnt want to get involved between a pure family fued.
Suddenly the Jester hugs his father and they both laugh.
"Wait, what?" Miriam says, needing the D.
"hahaha, this guy is even more badass than me!" The Jester says, ready to give the D.
"He kidnapped you and made you fight dogs until you were rejected to be a sacrifice!"
"I know right how cool is that!" The Jester laughs.
Miriam just sits down at her mini-desk and puts her head in her hands, she will never understand the Jester.
"So whats up you evil son of a *cencored by comic code*" Says the Jester, sitting down.
"Well my son, I have a deal."
"What is it? Look man, I dont feel like fighting so can we postpone this for like next week?"
"No, we need to discuss this right here"
"fine." Says the Jester throwing a piece of paper at Miriams head.
"My cult leader has told me I need to destroy all of my spawn. That includes you."
"hmmm I dont think so"
"You're first; then O.G. then MADeline and then Happy Hatty. And then Mega Liz."
"No!" says The Jester standing up and being all dramtic "They're the only people who find me funny!"
"Amen." Says Miriam, desprate for the D.
"Look, you say you respect religion. Well, accept mine."
"Yeah, I respect religion when it doesnt effect other people. Murdering me will sort of affect me"
Jester's father's sideburns suddently glow a red colour and his eyes turns a yellow colour.
"You're going to die today" Says Jester's dad, starting to hover.
"um, I dont think so" Suddenly The Jester shoots his dad directly in the eye. He falls back. The Jester slowly checks on his father's corpse. All of a sudden it isnt his dad. The body morths into a giant red Spider/man (NOT spider-man.). "I am not you're father, I never was...I am REPRESSED EMOTION!"
"No! Who is my father!?"
"William Williams." Repressed emotion yells in a hissing voice.
"where has he been!? Have you kidnapped him!?"
"No he's been in work this whole time."
"seriously?"
"Hey, your dad does a lot of work!"
As The Jester is about to take another shot Repressed Emotion jumps through the celling. (I say celling, Is it more floor because they're underground?) anyway, he jumps through and runs away while destorying cars in his way.
The Jester turns to Miriam "I take and I take and I never give anything back." Imagine the biggest shock someone can go through, well thats what Miriam just went through.
"Oh no, Repressed Emotion is making you have....HEALTHY FEELINGS!"
"Oh god no! Quick before it gets worst." The Jester runs to his fire man pole which is shaped like a *cencored by comic code*. Miriam takes the stairs.
"Quickly get in the D mobile, I need to get to N.E.R.D.S. HQ!"
"There is no way I am getting in the D mobile."
"You're right. I am being completly unsensitive. Oh god! Hurry!"
The both jump in the car without doing their seatbelts because #yolo and they drive quickly to N.E.R.D.S. HQ. In the Head quarters are three mega cool hero's. Super Giant is trying to connect the Wi-Fi to S.M.I.T.H. while Pun-man is asleep on the table and STD man is trying to get an itch on his back with Pun man's rice fork. They are clearly bored out of their minds.
The Jester slams open the door, however the noise wasnt loud enough for his ego so he leaves and tries again five seconds later he tries again and this time the noise is adiquite.
"Ladies, we have a major problem!"
"What is it?" Pun- man says grabbing his fork and eating some rice while STD man tries not to vomit.
"My dad is not my real dad, he is infact my repressed emotion manifestated in the shape of a cultist ftaher. My real dad is apparently a badass like me! And if I dont stop him he'll give me normal, functioning human emotions!"
everyone smiles.
"And kill my sisters!"
everyone gasps and is worried.
"Holy hobbits!" Super Giant screams in a cheesy voice.
"What can should we do!?" STD man screams.
"two things: One, go to O'leary. Repressed emotion is a cosmic being and so is O'leary."
"Oh so you just assume that all cosmic beings know each other!" STD man accuses.
"What? No i didnt mean that, one of my best friends is a cosmic being. Anyway; second. We find my real dad."
TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS GUYS!
HERO'S COMING UP:
. O'LEARY.
. WILLIAM WILLIAMS.
. MEGA BABY.
. CAPTAIN MIND-MASH.
.
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